Hello my bicycling friends!A sweet, sweet blessing upon your home and bicycle(s).
I finished a quick lap over at Tranquility Park earlier
today.It was sweet!I did not approach any of the log rides, nor
did I make it up the Big Dipper, but I was satisfied nonetheless.I also did not take any photos, but that’s
fine because you should all get out there for yourselves and check it out if
you haven’t recently.T.H.O.R. continues
to do a great job of maintaining and improving this fabulous trail system right in the midst
of our fair to middlin’ city.
But you have heard about this before, I reckon. Were you; however, aware of the following?!:
Item A)South OmahaTrail has taken another step towards completion.Final completion date estimated September of
this year.When this trail is complete
it will be a milestone in the development of our triumphant city’s trail
system.An east-west trail in a fairly
central part of the city will offer a nice commuting/travelling option to
bicyclers who prefer to avoid some of the business that can occur along main
thoroughfares.I feel that this
completion event will be triumphant enough to warrant a triumphal arch of some
sort.I will be busy preparing a
possible design for this arch and I invite you to do likewise.We’ll invite Mayor Jean over to my place
(hmmm, hmmm, hmmm!?) to give her some posterboards, wine, cheese, and hors d’ovoures
to convince her of the importance of this monument.
Item B)My role model
Rich has informed me that he will participate in the upcoming GONG ride,
organized by the committed and capable Scott Redd.As one who is not always afraid to do things just because his friends do them, I plan on signing up too!It should be great!It’s at night, it’s on gravel, and you don’t
have to ride for 60 miles if you don’t want to!Let’s get it on!
Item C) Mrs. Snot told me that July 31 is
Family Bicycling Day!It seems too good
to be true (I think she may have made it up). That's okay though. You may be able to make this up too and coerce your family into bicycling with you too! Ah!I
am savoring the joy of this upcoming event even just thinking of it now!When I repeatedly asked for my family to bicycle with me
in the past (most recently on Father's Day) they avoided the subject or scoffed, but I think this might be the real
deal!I will head out into the garage to
pump up their tyres just as soon as I finish savoring the thought of this
event, drinking more beer, maybe eating some popcorn and watching some tv.
So that’s all I wanted to say.Here’s a nice video to enjoy if you
like.Let’s pedal!
Greetings and congratulations!Congratulations for participating in the
latest edition of the Good Life Gravel Gran Fondo or for another accomplishment
that you have recently achieved.I once again participated in this adventure.It was magnificent and I owe a sincere debt of gratitude to Mr. R Doloto and his accomplices in gritty greatness.
Navigational system? Check!
Have you ever heard about “the right tool for the job”?When I lived in Phoenix my neighbor claimed to
be handy with painting.I turned my
trailer into a paint booth and put a flesh-colored coat of paint on my
motorcycle tank (of course no one made fun of me for riding around with a flesh-colored gas tank for a week before I got ready to add flames).Then we applied some
tape, drew flames on the tape and he cut the shapes out delicately.But not delicately enough to keep from
cutting lines in the new paint.He was
summarily dismissed and I found some skinny and flexy tape that I could use to draw on my
sweet flames.
So, are Shifty and I the
right set of tools for the fantastic GLGGF?You decide.
Here are some things that I experienced at this event:
I pedaled with alacrity to make it to the SAG station
(approximately 35 miles in) before its alleged closing time of 12:30 (my arrival
time - 12:22).
Along the way I ingested something I purchased at Hy-Vee
called Frog Fuel Ultra.
My mid-ride snacking menu.
It tasted like a mix
of urine, spooge, and nectar.If you are
now laughing at me because I know what urine and spooge taste like, please, get
off (on) your high horse.The urine was
because I was trying to impress Gwyneth Paltrow to get her to go out with me
when I was living on Hollywood Boulevard, and the spooge was just my own and
completely by accident. It was! So, I
think it should be called My Sweet, Sweet, Froggy Spooge. I merely baked my froggy love in a jersey pocket for a couple hours, chugged, grimaced, and kept on pedaling. Feeling good!
I began using my granny gear after about mile 20, with
increasing frequency as the ride progressed.
This is also when I started changing words to popular songs to go along
with events/turns I experienced on the ride (exciting video presentation to
follow!) Here is my list of songs with
variations inspired by GLGGF:
1.Hello Dolly -> Hello Granny (Gear)
2.Twist of Cane -> Right on Kane (Ave)
3.Mercy Seat -> Montague Street (it’s really an
Ave, but hey, haven’t you hear of artistic hack’s license?!)
4.Cum on Feel the Noize -> Take a Left on Noyes
I took a Coke from the SAG stop to take with me. A nearby rider queried “Is that good for
you?” to the Coke pusher. His
self-assured answer was “yes.”
By the time I had reached SAG haven I had downed all of my (70+24+21 = a lot ozzies of) fluid.
The SAGers (I think it was a gang from the Trek stores and a
few of their kids) expediently filled all three of my water containment devices whilst I
wobbled about dazedly. They also provided me with their own private stock of kid-friendly sunblock, which likely saved me from lapsing into the dangerous realm of heat exhaustion.
I bent over to pick up my bike and I pulled a muscle on the
lower right side of my back.Fortunately
this affliction didn’t seem to pain me much during my sluggish pedaling
on the “down” side of the event. Maybe if I'd followed through on my plan to do some abdominal exercises instead of drinking beer and eating pizza to prepare for this event I wouldn't have been annoyed by this occurrence. Sigh. If only.
I met a policeman, whom I shall call Nick, who informed me that he is
going to enjoy this ride in North Dakota on August 6 (with a reasonable 6 a.m. start time). He was a lively conversationalist and helped
me get my mind off my sore back. He also
rode away from me on his Salsa Vaya once we got to one of the many steep hills
on a minimum maintenance road. Speaking of MMRs, these were the coolest I've experienced - some were practically tunnels of loess. He even
stopped at the top of a rise to make sure I was on my way! Thanks Nick! He gave a good review of the local organization we call Project Harmony.
A guy had wisely decided not to finish. He appeared from behind a bush, much like the
infamous Prowler described by heavy metal troubadours Iron Maiden, fronted at
the time by one Paulus Di’Anno. “Hey!” he called. I turned around and he asked me if I was
going to try to finish. When I answered
affirmatively, he seemed a bit disappointed.
I think he was going to offer me a ride, since he stated that he’d
contacted someone to come and get him.
He clearly recognized my relative weakness, unhealthy pallor, and
preternatural slowness. But, like many
self-absorbed, stubborn dick-tators before me, I refused to step down in spite
of this vote of no confidence. Instead,
I pedaled ever more slowly onwards.
It was around this time that I started anticipating the
impending finish.We were about 47 miles
in, and I felt that we were within striking distance. I must admit that during this stretch of bicycling there was a time when I was feeling a bit queasy and, for a few moments, I thought I might even forego a beer at the end of the ride. Luckily, this was not to be.
I made it to the finish in a mere 7 hours or so and received a joyous welcome! Thanks everyone (Rafal, Trek stores owner and
ambassadors, and everyone else who made this possible and fun)!
On the way back to my car I congratulated two fat bike
riders who finished slightly before and after me, respectively. “Good work Fatties!” I stated, “That was amazing!” “Heh” one of them stated noncommitedly (which
was preferential to being pumelled by him for my ill-conceived and easily
misconstrued attempt at camaraderie).
And now, without further ado, here is my long-winded, as usual, celebratory video
montage to commemorate the event. If you don't have 14 1/2 minutes to spare you might want to skip ahead to my favorite part at about 11:20.
Other things I have recently noted:
I think that some of these organized rides (e.g., Wear
Yellow – at which I received no pancakes) are phasing out riders like me (i.e.,
slow, old, whiny and too-busy-to-ride-much riders) at least for their high-mileage options. How dare they!? I guess they don’t need a cantankerous coot
like me collapsing on the side of the road, demanding beer and muscle relaxers
and plenty of both.
This ride started at 9:00.
I think they want us to suffer (and they’re trying to phase me out, as
stated above).
Well, that is all for now from this sore but happy
correspondent. There is plenty of other bicycle-related excitement coming right up, which you probably are already aware of. If not, I'll be back in a jif or two to elaborately explainorate.
In the meantime, please enjoy some gravel
awfulness and greatness at your next opportunity and send your complaints to
someone on a rural route.Bonjour avec accentes sit vous plais!
Well, it is now Good Life Gravel Granny Fonda Eve.Although I made a plan, I have not been
able to accomplish all of my planned actions.Here is
a summary.
My plans for blasting included the following:
1.Realize that the ride is occurring approximately one week before event. Yes, I did this part. Yay me!
2.Do a few push-ups and abdominal exercises to give my lower back some limberness/strength to help withstand a long, bumpy day in the saddle. Did not do this. Too busy drinking beer and eating pizza.
3. (Carefully ) Do a few laps on an off-road trail to try to regain some of my formerly moderate bike-handling skills (whilst remaining uninjured for upcoming gravel ride). Did a short ride on some ATV trails and associated bottomlands.
4.Think about how awesome it will be again this year, even though it is 10 or so miles longer and I haven’t been riding quite as much as last year.Yes, but I have also begun to realize this will be quite a challenge for me. Make or brake/break it time!
Although I did not entirely complete my plan, I did make a new one.That is to reach the SAG stop
before it closes at around 12:30!As the
course-setter and GLGGF mastermind Mr. R Doloto stated in an e-mail to ride participants,
that means I've got to ride at an average pace of 10 mph.For me, that is pretty quick.If I don’t get there, I guess I might still
be okay, I’ll just have to try to find
some water somewhere along the course.
So, let’s get out there and Fondo it up right!Wheee-ha!
Hello and happy nearly summer’s eve / solstice day to one
and all.What does it all mean, you and
I may be asking?Well, I will give you
my take, if you will take my give.It
means there are a shit ton / many bicycling opportunities available to all bicyclers
in this part of the world.One of the
upcoming organized events is the Good/(Great)
Life Gravel Grand Fondo, which I participated in last year.It was
awesome!I am planning on trying it
again this year.I had a blast last
year, and hope to do so again this year.My plans for blasting include the following:
1.Realize that the ride is occurring approximately
one week before event.
2.Do a few push-ups and abdominal exercises to
give my lower back some limberness/strength to help withstand a long, bumpy day
in the saddle.
3. (Carefully ) Do a few laps on an off-road trail to try to
regain some of my formerly moderate bike-handling skills (whilst remaining uninjured for upcoming gravel ride).
4.Think about how awesome it will be again this
year, even though it is 10 or so miles longer and I haven’t been riding quite
as much as last year.
Ah,
yes, my fellow Grand Fondoers, this year’s event is clearly going to be a
gravelly adventure of extraordinary grandeur!
Another
upcoming ride (that I will not be participating in because my family refused to
participate with me even though it is on Father’s Day and also because it is
the day after the [G]GGF) is the ever-worthy Rollin’ to Colon.The last one I enjoyed, I recently noted by
looking at the t-shirt I was wearing, was in 2011.Since then, I have recently been informed,
they have added a huge model colon/tunnel you can roll through.That is great; however, I may walk
barefoot in order to provide minimal disturbance to this sensitive area.I have also recently been informed that there
is a take-home test for colon cancer that is bound to provide up to hours of
entertainment/pain/bewilderment to you and/or your partner whom you task to
help you with this evaluation.
So,
that is what I am aware of as far as upcoming excitement.“What have you been up to?”, I imagine you
asking?Well, I fell off my bike and my
shoulder was sore, I whinged about it in an insufferable (to others) manner for
awhile, and now I’ve been rehabbing it and feeling like I’ve made some
progress. So about what you'd expect.
It's getting late. So let's all bicycle (tomorrow)!
