Hello? Who am I? Where am I?

May 26, 2014

I bet you thought I quit!  Well, I did, but that was temporary.  I may not have been haranguing you with inanities as much as you were used to, but I’m sure you found something else to do.  Maybe bought some bike stuff?  Really!?  Me too!  I have also been working hard to earn an advanced degree in rock ‘n’ roll history.  But now this is the end of this long and winding road towards peace sells but who’s buying the stairway to heaven.  That’s right, they’ve finally ejected me from my course of study due to gross incompatibility as a result of my recent penchant for listening only to One Direction, international teen groups, and related solo acts.  That is fine, because my students at the School of Rock where I was student teaching were beginning to weary of my insistence upon synchronized dance moves and bulk purchasing of hair products.  It was grueling.  And by grueling I mean that I ate gruel the whole parsley, sage, rosemary and time because I didn’t make a single green back dollar.  Or sense, as far as that goes.  Now I am unemployed and even slightly more bitter than usual.  Alright, so there is some venting.  

How do you feel about bicycling?  I have not been bicycling as much as usual because of my studies, but I did make it out to a taco ride a month or so ago.  There was a tornado watch, but the animals didn’t seem to be concerned, so neither was I.  

Much like our ancestral forbears I seek guidance and wisdom from animals in place of this slippery notion of “rational thinking” which seems like a big crap shoot to me. 

I made it out on the trail where a deeps sense of ease, pastoralness, and right-ness permeated my being.  Then I started pedaling my bicycle and I started whining and bitching about how grueling things were.  Then that first stuff again.  I saw a sign advertising some hay bales.  

I got to Margaritaville where it was kind of cool.  I stayed there until a fine young gentleman blessed many of us with complimentary rummy bears which were f-ing feenomenol!  

I stayed for a while and then decided I would head back home instead of proceeding onwards towards Mineola.  Maybe next time.   

Then I also went on the 11^th annual Wear YellowRide a couple weeks ago, which started off briskly 

at 7:00 and ended warmly with pancakes and prizes for many.  The route was very smooth and conditions were nearly optimal.  We went past two steakhouses (Round the Bend and Parker's) 

and two racetracks (Eagle Raceway and White Sands Raceway).  Since then I have been pedaling around with Baby Toddler Snot in a new bicycle trailer that I am pretty happy with.  I will also plan on attempting but failing to figure out what is happening in the bicycling world these days.  I have heard that Brooks came out with a new rubber saddle that is very popular amongst long distance endurance bicyclers.  Well if it’s good enough for them it’s probably good enough for me the next time I decide it’s a good idea to ride more than I really should (generally a few tens of miles). 

I have been writing lots of papers about rock ‘n’ roll, so you can expect some slight improvements in writing mechanics as I return to my insistent e-journaling antics.  Also as you probably did not notice my photos are even worse than usual since I am out of practice and I've never been very good at photographing anyway.  To summarize, I am back in the saddle where I may ring my bell angrily at volumes that are louder than love.

Weighty happiness

December 27, 2013

I hope you have all been enjoying this possibly festive time of the year for you.  I have been more or less quarantined to my basement where I have been burning stacks of wood, mail, and newspapers to stay warm and to fill our abode with the sweet smell of burnt maple.  To be honest, my formerly moderately active lifestyle has become inactive.  I did get out for a bicycle ride yesterday, which was quite enjoyable.  Here is a photo.  

As you may be able to ascertain from this photo, I was able to bicycle through four of my favorite substances:  snow, grass, leaves, and curb.  

This photo is from the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) which featured multiple bicycle-oriented public service announcement (PSA) posters.  

I am very happy about this, and I am also working on preparing some additional PSA posters to add to the variety and potential audience of these posters.  More on this later.  I was at the DMV to clear up a little misunderstanding about what constitutes “valid identification” - apparently they can’t really scan body parts like they misleadingly imply in the PSA entitled Minority Report.  I might've had the wrong body part out, too.

So what can we believe in this topsy-turvy world of ours?  Well I think we can believe that bicycling might help you lose weight - either lbs or kgs or stone.  Any or all of these can be lost through a strict regime of bicycling and obsessing about bicycling and/or the use of amphetamines.  This truism was illustrated for me as I recently viewed a film entitled Lbs. which I thought was pronounced “el bees,” but is apparently called “pounds.”  In this film, the main character, Neil, played by Carmine Famiglietti decides to turn his life around by losing weight.  He decides to lose weight, due to a heart attack which caused his sister’s wedding to be postponed due to the family trauma caused by this event.  Although it lacks a montage, this film combines elements of Rocky IV and Run Fat Boy, Run into a drama that is mildly humourous and not overly dramatic (no need to worry about a heart attack for unhealthy viewers).  This film motivated me to get out of my home and do some bicycling.  So who says sitting around in your basement and watching movies isn’t a productive use of time?!  

Not only can bicycling be helpful for health, it is also amusing to onlookers who see a large person astride a skinny, delicate-looking road bike, as shown here.

And, no (indignant harumphing) I am not making light of this problem.  

So I guess it's almost 2014, eh?  Got your health care all figured out?  Haha.  Well, I hope it includes a health dose of bicycling and some patience!  Best wishes to you and/or your family!
Sincerely,
-BSO

Thanks for the good times and great oldies!

November 29, 2013

Hello!  It’s Thanksgiving hangover day!  Hope yours is going well.  My friend Bob and I made it out to the Thanksgiving Eve taco ride and had a fun time.  We met a guy named Rich who had this sweet ride.

The bike’s name is also the name of a song by Bob Wayne, as seen here:

The weather was cool, but with a weird, faint tinge of early spring in the air (I thought so anyway).  After the ride another guy named Rich met up with us and we enjoyed the virtuosic, down-to-earth stylings of my favorite local band - Banjo Loco.  Here is a short segment of their cover of “Crazy Train.”  

They are going to release a recording of originals soon, including their catchy “St. Elvis” that still has my toes a-tappin’ and pelvis gyrating (which was a little awkward during the whole family Thanksgiving experience).  And here is a guy with a sweet ass Metallica Christmas sweater. 

I was told there’s a Slayer version too.  

So what have you been up to?  Ducks?  Really?  Hmmm.  

Here is a cool bike I saw a few weeks back.

Nishiki Century

And here is a guy using a pay phone.

NSA ain't monitoring this side of the connection, bitch!

Both of those things gave me a nostalgic feeling of the days of yore.  The bike looks light and comfortable without being ostentatious or prissy and the pay phone use seems humble and purposeful.  

Alright.  Bike riding is great.  Now I gotta go eat some more pie!  That key lime is gonna be out of season soon!

Warm feelings of turkeys to come

November 24, 2013

Greetings.  How is your mother?  Oh.  Yes.  Hmmmm.  I know, I know.

It has become cool here in the gut buster of USiness.  I am replenishing fluids and wishing that my search for comfy mittens like these had proven successful. 

http://blog.girlzlyfe.com/page/14/

But enough about me and your mother.  What about that awesome Gene Richard Simmons?  He is in a cool video, 

and I saw him on tv helping a nurse the other day.  Also he helps me feel nice and warm when I am pedaling along in the frosty belt buckle of our fat and jolly nation.  I can almost here his good natured, peppy exhortations as I pedal!  Gotta love that Gene Richard!  And fat jolliness.  Did you get your festive outdoor decorations out yet?  What?!  Then why are we sitting here all fat and/or jolly and not out there preparing?!  

Also I hear David Bowie released an album this year and I haven’t even purchased a copy yet!  Good thing Christmas is coming up.  Please ask your mother to send me a copy because I know David sings her favorite Christmas music.  

Many bicyclers have noticed that your attitude can change drastically from the beginning of a bicycle ride to the end.  This happened to me a few days back when I took a different route along a somewhat busy road.  Two motorists turned to the right in front of me and I offered one a mono-digital gesture of displeasure.  I was a little grumbly for a while.  But then I came across some of the loveliest bicycle lanes that I have ever seen!  It was joyous!

It snowed on Thursday and it livened up my evening commute.   

By the time I got home with my bike on my car rack part of my back wheel was partially encrusted with gritty snow.  

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving, which means that many bicyclers will be enjoying a festive Thanksgiving Eve ride upon the Keystone trail.  Some will bundle up and pedal slowly.  Others may go fast and naked.  Still others may swerve erratically and wonder where the hell they left their car/gloves/significant other.  Moments like these are potentially the types of things that define us.  Mostly they define us thusly, “you are a dumb ass.”  Ah, the joys of self discovery.  Speaking of self discovery, here is a man who discovered early that what he wanted to do with life was travel adventurously.  A friend of mine forwarded me his website.  Although I am still too jealously indignant about this man’s insouciant insolence to peruse his site thoroughly, I am sure his bicycle trip around the world was great.  Something I am sure to copy once I’ve got a spare two years.  Maybe once Baby Snot gets big enough to pedal without whining (wait, that never happens to any of us!).  

Speaking of offspring.  Here is my new web design which Teen Snot was kind enough to bestow upon me last August.  It took awhile to get it up here on the line, but I am sure you will agree that it was worth the wait.  

I also got a t-shirt with the following quote on the backside: 'Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.' - Mark Twain

So that is all I got at this time.  I hope you are happily spinning from here to there or vice versa.  Gotta go mitten hunting!

-BSO

Heavy Bikes and Turkeys

November 10, 2013

Isn’t it funny how things change?  Why just a few months ago, I was happily idyllically (or is that idiotically?) idling away several hundred hours or more by typing and cutting and pasting meandering thoughts and images into something known as an “electronic journal of webbed logging (EJoWL for short).”  I was, some would opine, a man of leisure (pronounced leh-sure).  But now I am busier and have shifted my focus towards child care and rock and roll.  Pursuant to these new priorities the other day I found myself considering the possibility of multi-tasking by eating whilst sitting upon the toilet. Although I did not actually follow through with this idea, I was startled by how plausible it seemed to me on first thought.

So what is up with things these days?  Yes!  What?  Hmmmm.  I see, I see.  

I locked my bike up next to a fellow Bridgestoner the other day.  His/hers had a lot of original stuff on it, including an Avocet saddle.  

It also appeared sleek and light.  I understand that Bridgestone bicycles are currently available in Japan, but are not quite as sporty as they were back in the ‘80s and ‘90s.  For example, their current version of my MB-5 is now this bicycle.

I mean, sure it claims to be lightweight, carbonated, only costs about 350,000 yen, and "Frame Design Providing a Slightly that Upright Riding Position" but it is called, the Anchor.  For those unfamiliar with seafaring terminology, an anchor is a heavy thing that keeps you from going anywhere very far avast, ye hardies!  So until Bridgestone sends me an Anchor to test ride and enjoy "a wide range of activities from racing through to just being a fun ride," I will continue to consider this bicycle to be as heavy as a Celtic Frost doom dirge.

There are also some winter bicycling related activities coming up, as promulgated by Omaha Bikes.  Oh and the always invigorating Thanksgiving Eve "Taco Ride."  Should be a gobbler full of fun, turkeys!  And it'll keep you from feeling too heavy after your Thanksgiving feast!   

Beyond and spaced....

October 4, 2013

Oh my goodness!  It seems like just yesterday that I flipped the calendars over to September and now we’re flippin' flipping again!?!  I can’t wait to “fall back” a little and get an extra hour of tossing and turning and wondering when the next month will slap me upside the head.  I have many superfluous items that I would like to relate to you, none of which are important, and most of which I will likely forget if I don’t make a quick list of them before I crack open a nice kool Oktoobeerfest!  

1. It’s fall and I’ve got some evidence to proof it!
2. It’s space week!
3. It's Hispanic Heritage month!
4. The government shut down, but when will they shut up!?

Did you know it was fall?  Leaves are changing into lawn ornaments, multi-use trails are becoming darker, and people are getting ready to dress up like their favorite entree avec acente or novelist for All Hollow’s Evening.  My proof of this seasonal transition is that I happened to have witnessed the before and after-event activities related to a cyclocrosscycling event in Lincoln, Nebraska.  

Also I’m seeing a bunch of pumpkins for sale everywhere I go.  

The bicyclecrossing event was spoonsored by the Moose’s Tooth/Cycle Works and information is available here.  I talked to a man named Josh about the event.  I asked if there was a category for out of shape guys with inappropriate bicycles.  He smiled a bit and said “Cat 5” without any detectable amount of condescendingness or annoyance!  I was impressed.  We conversed and I learned that a person could participate in some cyclocross-dressing for a mere $17 ($7 for the race, $10 for a day membership in the Association of the Cross) if he or she planned ahead and signed up online.  Poor planners are also welcome on the day of the race, but the race fee jumps to $15 for a total of $25.  

As you all know, it is now space week and we are loving it!  People are planning to go to Mars where someone is sure to be totally stoked about Surly’s not-yet-created-as-far-as-I-know Martianlander.  This bicycle will be so fat that it’s tyres will consist of 29” diameter spheres that can roll in whatever direction you lyke using magnetic “hubs” to keep the frame attached to the tyres.  It will look kind of like this, but even cooler!  

http://www.gizmag.com/spherical-drive-system-omnidirectional-electric-motorcycle/24095/

And on Halloween you can make your tyres look like jack-o-lanterns with some craftiness!  Whoooo!  Mars, here we come!

Unfortunately for NASA, they are all sitting at home due to the government shut down.  This should give NASA employees a chance to kick back, relax and enjoy their hobbies and socializing with friends.... Hahahahahahah!

Hispanic Heritage month is going great too.  There are many Latino and Latina bicyclers here in the US who are bicycling around and working hard so that the rest of us have time to sit around and bitch about immigration.  Not that I’m bitching, just sitting around.

So the government shut down, eh?  That’s fine.  We’re probably better off without them.  But I hear it’s expensive to shut down the government, and that pisses everyone off.  But, as they say, it’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.  So if you’re really angry, I recommend getting autographed photo(s) of whichever congresspeople you’re especially angry with and pissing on it/them.  Then put the video on youtube and Congress and the White House will be so busy laughing at themselves together that they’ll forget to be mad at each other and we’ll all be one big happy family like we have been for the entire existence of the aggressively peaceful and welcoming homeland we call US!  That makes sense, right?!

Bruno Mars, (as I understand it based on my covert imagining) will be engaged as the house band for the Martian pioneers' trip to Mars.  If you’re not planning on taking the cryogenically frozen route, you’ll be treated to some serious peppiness and a dancing horn section that appears to actually have functional horns.

Happy space week and enjoy the shut down!

Soggy Sox

September 21, 2013

Hello winners and losers and the rest!  How’s life as a castaway/celebrity/middle manager?  Things here are going pretty well.  Thursday I got pretty soggy.  I had consciously decided not to take my plastic rain jacket because it was too much trouble and just another item to cram into my panniers which have been the subject of a fair amount of heel-striking lately.

Not much space, eh?  

So I got a slight chill as I sat around in the A/C working on my 8-page report dealing with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards relationship.  Here is another bicycle I saw while drying off.

A Bianchi San Jose.  Looks like a pretty cool set-up.  I toed the chain and it was slack.  I guess that's how those new-fangled internally-geared hubbas worka?  

Wanna ride an e-bike?  Here’s your chance!  This Thursday, Sept 26, 6 p.m. First United Methodist at 7020 Cass.  

Also here's a chance to become a bicycling and/or pedestrianing advocate.  There is a meeting from 9-12 on Sat, Oct 19 somewhere at Univ of NE at Omaha CPACS Building Collaborating Commons, Room 132D (Located in the center of the Dodge Street campus).  This seems like a good activity to learn how to become more involved in bicycle advocacy.     

http://ridesabike.tumblr.com/post/5899491643/brian-jones-rides-a-bike

I have also become aware that next Fri, Sept 27 is the Heartland Active Transportation Summit which deals with the energizing topic of parking this year.  Whoa!  Hopefully some other stuff too.  

Let us cycle!