To the Batbike!

June 9, 2011

I was standing in the checkout aisle at my local hardware store to buy some carrot seeds for the garden when I noticed some cinnamon Altoids on the impulse buy rack. As I was purchasing my delightful goods the guy behind me began piling his stuff up on the counter behind me - radiator clamps and a length of hose, which he was wielding about as it were a foam noodle and he a delirious-from-dehydration child at the swimming pool. As I was sharing a nice moment of mutual smugness with the cashier as he asked (knowing my response would be negatory), "Ya wanna bag?"
"Oh no, my good man, oh, ohhh!" I responded as a radiator hose tapped my derriere.

That's right, my ass had been tapped by the man with the long black hose, yuckitty yuck.
I tried a coquettish giggle and turned to the man, expecting a sheepish smile or perhaps an inquisitive twin-rapid-eyebrow arching (ala Tom Selleck). He avoided any eye contact and did not acknowledge my existence in any way. I felt very slightly dehumanized, and if I had been able I would have sung to him a Badly Drawn Boy song right there on the spot, perhaps "Camping Next to Water" to help him realize that we are all humans together in this large whirlygig we call life. But, alas, I am no BDB, and so I had to engage in the life-confirming act of photography.

Why, I bet he would not have treated Batgirl (always Yvonne Craig in my mind) that way! I bring this up because I feel a deep and abiding kinship with the Batman in all forms. So much so that I have an autographed copy of Back to the Batcave, by Adam West (of course), and I used to wear Dark Knight t-shirts very frequently in high school - so much so that they eventually had large whitish stains under the armpits from my severe sweatiness coupled with a penchant for heavy layers of Ban roll-on deodorant. I also made a fat, lumpy Batman sculpture in junior high art class.

If the lumpy Batman of my sculpture were to come to life like a more heavily costumed Frosty the Snowman, I bet he would've cycled around town on a bicycle similar to The Old Bastard. Yes, I believe that the OB is definitely the Batbike for the disenfranchised, tired and chunky Batman (oh Batman, you are as multifaceted as a Hindu deity and are a friend to us all when we need it).

A little known fact - Yvonne Craig was an avid cyclist, as shown in this photograph.

Although she is often shown astride a self-propelled, bi-wheeled machine, I was told by Yvonne herself, while she was signing my photo,

that she preferred bicycling to the motorized bi-wheeling.

What's that Robin, the city needs us? Quick, to the Batbike!

Batgirl promo