Headless Snowfamily

December 17, 2011

Don't you love it when you are bicycling along and you feel that, "Yes. This moment was meant for me to be bicycling"? It happens to me occasionally, and one of these occasions was yesterday. There was a slight amount of dewy moisture in the air. Slightly cool. My beard was dripping. And it was Friday! Ah, yes. It is times like this that I have "brilliant" inspirations that may not appear quite so brilliant upon later, more objective inspection. I saw a Hummer at the intersection. At this time I felt that bicyclists and Hummerists should participate in a "Big Brothers, Big Sisters" type of organization. It would be called "Toys 'n Tanks." The goal would be to form some kind of dialogue between these two seemingly disparate fringe groups. One bicyclist will be paired with one Hummerist. They would commit to spending at least 2 hours per month together in some kind of activity. Movie watching. Coffee or beer drinking (please, no other beverage suggestions - no other drinks are quite as 'merican [Mexico's outrageously greasy 'fro]/neutral as these). Possibly an off-road adventure activity. These meetings would continue indefinitely or until one was converted to the other's vehicle of choice.

"What about sleigh-flying as a mode of transport?" you ask. After all, bicycle-flying is a time-honored means of conveyance, as evidenced in the classic film E.T. and hinted at in the follow-up Super 8. Well, sure sleigh-flying might sound like a good way to get your jollies. But look at where this fat man seems to be stuck now.

How you gonna get outta this pickle, Ho boy?
In other winter misadventures, check out this crew.

This is the before photo - taken with an inadequate flash from an insurmountable distance.
Here's the after photo - taken under the same circumstances, except with the awesome 10W power of my classic Niterider Headtrip halogen headlamp.

If you are like me, you like to pour yourself a beverage, pop open another beverage, and kick back on a Saturday night to ponder the approximate lumen power of your lighting system. I'm sure I've cited this website before. Based on this site that I've frequently cited, one's sight can be assisted by an old-fashioned technical lighting system by about 190 lumens of YELLOW POWER!

Well, there's the requisite techno-babble that we bikeys love so. Now, as to the fate of this snow family. As the keen-eyed among us may have perceived, this family is now virtually headless. No head of the family. Preetty spooky, eh kids?

The Headless Snowfamily is undoubtedly a scary urban phenomena awaiting promulgation and the inevitable high dollar motion picture event. I think that the voices of John C. Reilly (father), Cheech Marin (mother), voice of Elmo (aka Kevin Clash) [daughter], and voice of kid in Up (aka Jordan Nagai) [son] will be the first choices for the snow family. A hapless bicyclist (played by the ruggedly handsome Viggo Mortensen) will witlessly land amongst the headless snow family during his heedlessly (not headlessly...... yet) reckless bicycle commuting. It is then that he is brought to tears in the arms of his beautiful love interest (played by Penelope Cruz) as the headless snow family haunts him and gradually turns him into a delicate, snow-like semblance of themselves. The film will end with Vigo liquifying and dripping through the arms of Penelope as they achieve climax together for one last, beautifully transitory moment.

Brings a snowy tear to the eye, eh? A sentimental time of year for many of us. Hearts full. Loneliness. A variety of emotions that can only be summed up by the powerful personality of one James J. Brown and his masterful "Santa's Got a Brand New Bag" and/or "James Brown's Funky Christmas" album(s). So please go get yourself one of these recordings and let the feelings of the season take you up and out of (t)reason.