Hootin' Tootin' Tuesday!

June 27, 2012

I am proud to inform you that I saw some live music. Not that this is, in and of itself, a fantastic achievement.  But it was a Tuesday, too! You don't have to be impressed, 'cause I'm sure I'm impressed enough with myself for both of us. Here was the headliner - the Matt Cox Band.

Good solid sound. Kind of a classic country/classic rock sound with good songwriting sensibilities and a fun vibe. Also playing a good set of bluegrass standards with a few new originals was Up on a Hill.

"How can I too engage in such carefree behavior?" you may or may not be asking yourself or someone else in your vicinity? Well, it's called a "hootenanny" and is a recently established monthly event at Homaha's very own Waiting Room Lounge. No, you don't have to wear cowboy boots.  On a rotating Tuesday of every month they have a hoot to raise funds for a cause of some sort. This month it was Lincoln's Pepe's VegMex Bistro. They are raising funds to buy a food truck. Damn good eating.  There was also a bake sale.  And flyers and stickers for various causes.

As oftentimes occurs, a co-worker at the ball-bearing-balancing shop asked me if I had bicycled or carred into work today. Although it was somewhat hot, but breezy, I replied that I was sticking to with the bike because, a) it's cooler than my beloved, but non-A/Ced Metro, and b) it fits into shady parking areas more easily.

My Metro is a great car, but sometimes it gets pretty hot and sweaty. Especially in stop and go traffic. That is why I oftimes don a pair of bicycling gloves so's I don't lose my grip on the steering wheel while careening around the neighborhood whooping with delight at the bicycle-like speeds attainable by my almighty 1.3L mini-titan-like engine of pure power!

Whooo!

So I heard Spain beat Portugal at the Euro Cup on penalty kicks. I am likely as unimpressed as you are by this occurrence. I'm just glad that France isn't involved, since they must get every single chateau in the countryside ready for the influx of rabid bicycle-loving Tour de Francophiles. I am super excited about this! I am so excited that I've started composing a vaguely TdF-related song currently entitled "Franciful Popsicle" that will likely put me under the underground music video radar, as long as I can actually accomplish the completion of a music video what with my busy schedule of bicycling here and there. Whew! 

I'm not sure who will win this year's Tour, but based on this local columnist's perspective, I know that the real winners will be France. Well, it's good that they can win at something, because apparently they ain't that great at futbol con accento, eh Espana con tilda? Eh? Ayyyy!

While bicycling homewards I noticed several clues as to my fate.  The first through penultimate clues were at least 6 air-fresheners lying on the sidewalk of my usual homeward route.  I took this as the universe telling me that I smelled bad.  Thanks universe, tell me something I don't know!  So here was the final clue -

A quick consultation with my psychic-hotline operator revealed that this meant I smelled like an expensive French cheese - camembert.  How did she know that?  Mon dieu de camembert!   

The Insider

June 24, 2012

Some times I feel like being what is widely known as an "outsidey" person. But it is also nice to get some quality insidey time from time to time. I had a mostly insidey weekend. Wussin' out with some mediocrely executed, yet self-gratifying DIY.

Cut and re-stained cabinet door.  Looks okay (better in photo!)?  Still gotta put the trim back on...

Plenty of Badly Drawn Boy. Baby parties with a bunch of kids and moms. And peachy beer. Whatever credit I may have had on my "man card" was expended and I am probably in debt to go along with my insidey wussiness. And, as you may have noticed, I am using mostly madey uppy words like all the babies that were recently over here trashin' the joint as if 'twer 1999. As the man says, "Babies party like it's 1999."

One insidey activity that I engage in frequently is the viewing of moving picture shows. I watched one film that was recommended by a friend former friend. Last of the Mohiccans. I was unimpressed. More of a couples film, but nice cinematography. I'll be sure to ridicule have a nice chat with "Jack" about his taste in movies. The next one on my list was also recommended and is called Tropic Thunder, which looks like a wiener winner of the seemingly contradictory genre of "good bad comedies."
Editor's note- Just finished TT and was not disappointed!  Better than Balls of Fury.  And much better than Stiller's earlier "effort": Zoolander.

I did make it out for a quick run down to the video store, where my paleoslipper-clad

feet got a little warm after I "hotfooted" it over some asphalt.  I also happened to tromp on some crunchy plant life that may be the not-so-secret ingredient in the wildly popular breakfast cereal- Captain Crunchberry 's Corsair.

I think they add food coloring. Some shoddy research reveals that this form of life may be popularly known as -----Editor's note- Still looking into this.

Look at all the potential knowledge and entertainment to be had by these "outsidey" adventures. Weeeeee! Weeeeeeeee!

Bikehenge rising!

June 22, 2012

As oftimes occurs, I have noticed a pattern of obsessive compulsive obsessive compulsive repetitive behavior (accentuated by increased caffeine consumption) that I think I may have nipped in the bud, so to speak. I almost hosed the Old Bastard off 2 weeks in a row! Yes, it was good that I recognized the potential trap early on, unlike the time I became so fond of Badly Drawn Boy that I bought all six of his studio albums before I realized that by far the best one was the first one I got. Which is, of course, The Hour of Bewilderbeast. Although I am not futilely wiping at my faithful steed, I am back on Bewilderbeast bandwagon. Oh well, 2 steps forward, 1 mellow, slightly funky step back. Some people say that Badly is the U.K.'s version of Beck.  But I'm pretty sure that Badly badly outperforms Beck (at least on Bewilderbeast).  So chew on that all you midnight vultures!

Here is the main reason I am not currently bike washing.

Sure it looks harmless and fun now, but just add water and it's a whole different ball player.
It is also the primary reason the underside of the O.B. looks like this.

And that's with a fender!  Yes this is the mudslide that will likely stay muddy and slidey for sometime. It's not quite the bottomless Mexican mudslide you can order at Chichi's on your birthday, but it will likely be around for awhile since it's got a bountiful source, a fairly stable/flat reservoir, and bikes and pedestrians and roller-bladers don't move much mud.

Yesterday was the longest day of the year. I hope you lived it to its fullest and called in sick today! Good for you! Although I did make it into the bread dough manufacturing plant today, I also had a good time participating in the Taco Ride on the good ol' Wabash Trace Trail yesterday. Here are some things that happened.

Mean Jean had a birthday with cheese, crackers, brauts, and wine! Classy!





Mean Jean is only mean if she gets the paparrzzi (gulp) in her sights.

I also saw some bicycle police officers


 I saw a stack of bikes, which makes me wonder how long it will be before we have a Bikehenge somewhere (hint, hint)

I was thinking of Stonehenge after I saw a headline for this summer solstice story. It looks like it was pretty fun.  It might've been even better if they had Badly Drawn Boy instead of Beck for the background music.  My research wild speculation indicates that BRAN has been to Carhenge 2 times. Here is a photo of Carhenge, but I hear it's even more exciting right in front of your actual eyeballs. It is featured in the locally popular somewhat known film Omaha the Movie. Which is not to be confused with the unreleased Omaha, the Cat Dancer, the Movie which is a far more popular (albeit completely hypothetical at this point) film with a much less local fan base. Also not to be confused with the USS Omaha, a littoral combat ship, to be christened here in town on Monday, even though it won't be built until 2016(!?)  Interestingly enough, I learned about the littoral vessel cat dancer while searching for information about the cat dancer littoral ship.  Weird, huh?     

Solstice Party at the (Insert destination)

Happy Solstice!  First off, let me apologize for the perfunctory nature of my last post.  And, now that you're used to it, here's another one!  As oftimes occurs, I overlooked a vaguely bicycle-related event here in my own Homaha town.  Here 'tis.  Danette Officer Culler, just let me say that you are looking great in your uniform.  Now that is great PR for our fairly to middliny city.  A bicycle police officer gets you your money back from a scalper!  And she's good looking!  And she's on a bicycle!  That is probably the trifecta of College World Series ticket shennanigans.

I was caught in a minor deluge this afternoon and it was beginning to wear me down a tad.  But then I happened upon these sprinklers, which provided me all the refreshment I needed to make it home!  Thanks shopping plaza!

Hope you're having a refreshing week!  May your grass be greener! 

Golemming around with doppleganger interests

June 19, 2012
Are you ever surprised that you have a lot in common with everyone else? Me neither, at least not in my normal mindset. But that is why I am generally stoked to meet someone who I have much in common with. Although he would probably deny it, I think that I have a lot in common with DJ Chi Wai, promulgator of the wide-ranging, informative bicycle-oriented blog known as The Biking Fools. We both like bicycles and web-based journaling. I have him to thank for making me aware of Potter's Pasture, which looks like it would be a lot of fun. Camping. Mountain bicycling in unfamiliar terrain. "Whoo-eee!" says I. We have also both come across some mini-golems/stationary figures during our bicycle-oriented ranging. Here is one that I have met up with the past couple o' days.

Kind of freaky AND cheery!  Giddyup!

Here is the less urban, more foresty one that the DJ happened upon.

I don't know about you, but I am looking forward to participating in a gathering of Taco Riders this upcoming Thursday! The mulberries should be there in abundance, along with throngs of festive bicyclers and related personages.

In other news, my new logo has now been supplied to me by my talented graphic design team (my daughter). Here 'tis for your consideration.

I asked my team for some mud dripping from the tire, but she declined.

Summery Onslaught

June 18, 2012

It is almost officially summertime now. As an amateur a clueless pseudo-naturalist, I have noticed that these pretty blossoms have brightened many of my usual routes.

These plants may be some type of clover. Some thoughtful commercial plazas have also begun watering streets and sidewalks to help keep us bicyclers and pedestrians happy and cool. On Saturday I noticed an improbable, yet imperturbable baggle of bicyclists wending their way around and about my neighborhood and its general surroundings.

Hay!  Yo quiero Chichi's!  Con accento, bastardo!

They even stopped and chatted with my neighbor about some of the local dining options. I was impressed and somewhat depressed that I had no idea what type of event this was.

There are some sporty events occurring here in our happy Homaha. One is the grand old College World Series tradition, which has been occurring on a regular basis since 1950. There's also some indoor swimming competition starting up towards the end of the CWS. They are also fixin' to raze good ol' Rosie (aka Rosenblatt Stadium) to make way for more zooheads. Like I frequently tell my daughter and any other rambunctious kids that happen to be around, "I'd take you to the zoo, but I figured if they want you they can come and get you!"

It's pretty hot out today. Luckily there are numerous televised sports that we can watch in the comfort of our ingenious air-conditioning these days. Some type of golfing activities. Frequent NBA basketball finals with that serious-looking LeBron "Brawny" James. I think he's a little perturbed that he's got to play basketball instead of participating in golfing events. Or maybe the swimming. And what about that lovable show, "Wipeout!"? We're pretty spoiled.

Which brings me to my next photo. Here is a small puddle of mud that I refer to as "the mudslide."

 However, this is just a local event that helps keep the Old Bastard dirty (which is pretty much his natural state anyway). A stockpile of soil (not shown due to the assinine incompetent nature of the photographer) was left uphill from my beloved multiuse trail and this was the result following a couple heavy rains.  The ducks seemed to enjoy it (the rain, not the mudslide).

Here are some mudslides that occur in other parts of the world.

Possibly from the Gansu  region of China, 2009?  Hay esta website?

Here's another form of mudslide, perhaps being enjoyed by some of the leaders of the industrialized world as they get together for the overated G-something summit.

And what's up with that Lance Armstrong? I think he's paid off some organization to frame him for drugs so that he can kick back and relax instead of having to continue his onerously sporty ways of living. Get fat and spend some of that money, LA! You don't need bicycling or tricyclingathons and stuff. Start an outlaw bicycle team like (possibly now defunct!?) Rock Racing (not exactly breaking news, but I just found out), join the G20 party for a mudslide, or buy an island somewhere. I here Thailand is great this any time of year.

BRANtastic voyage

June 10, 2012

Here's the summary:
I had a fun time out on the 32nd annual Bicycle Ride Across Nebraska. Some of it was hard, some of it wasn't. It was windy. I met lots of friendly people. Here is one of them. His name is I can call him Al and he has ridden on all 32 BRANs!

King Albert and his sidekick, Lord Hairy Vetch.

I also met a guy name Scott Norris. He seemed in the mood for a talk as I rolled wearily into the hamlet of Sargent. He rides a mountain bike and is a social studies teacher. He was good-naturedly welcoming riders to Sargent.  He told me about some of his extraordinary students. They won the state football champion last year. Nice bite, Bulldogs! One member of the team was nominated for the State Athlete of the Year, and has been known to pull badgers out of their holes with his hands! Zoiks! Scott seemed like a great guy. He went to Europe and visited many of the locations portrayed in the epic mini-series Band of Brothers.  Here is a link to his blog.

It would be inexcusable not to offer a big thank you to the vigorous, well-organized BRAN staff members who put together this exceptional activity.  I had the chance to converse with Ray and Alice, who had been married on BRAN and who had spent time working in Malawi.  Did you know tha Malawi has a female president?  Phil and Kim operated separate stationary SAG locations, but were always tolerant of my jumbled attempts at intelligible conversing.  Heck, everyone was great!

My old man, my uncle and my second cousin were also on the ride. The family element was great. It made me feel like I belonged out there with people mostly on fastly rode road bikes with hankerings for speed and efficiency. Although I occasionally hankered for these two things too, I mostly wanted to get some sweet photos and eat a lot. Thank you to all the host towns for providing large amounts of quality eats!  Good selections, too.  My dad impressed me with his relentlessly fast pace that quickly (albeit temporarily) crippled me if I attempted to match it. My uncle provided enjoyable conversation on and off the bike, and it was great to spend some quality time with both of them. My cousin fixed countless flats and other bicycles as a member of the Bike Rack's mobile workforce.

Although we BRANers generally strove to maintain a modicrum of magnanimity, the ride was not completely without friction. Here are some examples:

1. A man kindly pointed out that my kilt/skirt was caught in my waistband, but seemed slightly annoyed by the sight of my hairy buttocks.
2. Another man seemed slightly perturbed that I left the bathroom door ajar while I was enjoying the use of the urinal at St. Anselmo's Church. Well, here are two points that you mightn't have considered "Another man": a) I wasn't initially planning on pissing urinating, I was just going to wash my hands, and b) it was a 2-holer, which is slightly holier than many bathrooms, and so I wanted to share the opportunity for relief with other members of the BRAN congregation.
3. Some guy gave me an "on your left" at the crest of a hill and then pulled in front of me and stopped pedaling(!?). Needless to say, I had to return the "on your left" and rode with perturbed energy for a mile or two.

Here're some details about the ride:
6/3, Day 1, Minatare to Oshkosh, 73.6 miles. Lovely scenic riding. Rode past Chimney Rock. Seemed to be mostly downhill with a tailwind. Got pretty warm. Made it in time to Oshkosh in time to don a kilt/skirt and find a cool place for some hammock lounging.

A skirted girl was giggling with her friends and said, "You and me both!" and slapped me a high five. It was Sunday, so you couldn't buy beer or liquor in town, so we took a shuttle bus out to the country club.

We learned that Steve Farris of Mr. Mister owns a home south of town and is an avid hunter. So "Broken Wings" takes on a new meaning.  Duck season!  There was a motorbike rally, too.

6/4, Day 2, Oshkosh to Arthur, 61.6 miles. Rode rolling hills along the north side of Lake McConaughy most of the day into a cross/headwind. Turned north on Highway 61 for some tranquil sandhill riding. The sandhills, if you didn't know, are the largest (inactive) dune field in the Western Hemisphere.  We enjoyed a surprise serenade by the Cowboy Capital Chorus during our dinner at Veterans Memorial Hall in Arthur.Another band, the Carr Family Cowboy Band, played the Arthur High gym later, but I was already comfortably trapped in my hammock.  What I heard from my hammock sounded great.  Everyone I talked to gave them a good review.  It was a nice cool evening, so I climbed the press box tower at the Arthur High football field and attempted a panoramic photo.

6/5, Day 3, Arthur to Stapleton, 65.0 miles. Less hilly. Met a woman at a lunch stop (baked potato bar) in Tryon who told me about how she was the fastest female bicyclist in her former group, and that she almost beat the fastest male, and definitely would have if she hadn't lost it in some gravel on the penultimate turn. Damn.

6/6, Day 4, Stapleton to Sargent, 78.3 miles. Great fast downhill on the turn north between Arnold and Anselmo. I heard speeds ranged from 43 to 51 mph. My personal speed was "Yowza! That's fast!" The stretch between Anselmo and Sargent seemed especially long, flat, and windy. We were now in the Middle Loup River valley, with the sandhills just to the south of the highway. I may have become slightly delirious. I attempted (unsuccessfully) to record onto my camera a beat box riff that was in time with my pedaling. It was on this day that I finally noticed Jeff's bicycle was a singlespeed.

He'd ridden it as a fixed-gear on the first day(!?) before flipping the hub. He also had to wear wrist braces since the bar doesn't really allow for multiple hand positions.

6/7, Day 5, Sargent to St. Paul, 65.4 (68.4?) miles. I was very stiff and sore this morning. Mostly the sides of my knees, some in my lower back. It was pretty hard to bend down, or to walk with normal-length strides. I resolved to ride in as low-impact a manner as possible. Pretty tough riding into a cross/headwind for much of the day. Spent a good deal of it riding with my uncle. Near Scotia, we stopped at the Happy Jack Peak and Chalk Mine, a 6-10 million year old diatomite deposited in a large lake.  Also traded drafting opportunities with a woman on a Trek Portland. Seems like a good idea for a mass-produced bike, but looked maybe a little heavy. The distance between Elba and St. Paul was stated in our guide book as 7.3 miles, however the sign on the road stated "10 miles." This discrepancy resulted in a fair amount of discontented grumbling amongst the odometer-oriented among us. St. Paul was a nice town. Had dinner with Dad at the American Legion. A tasty walleye. Then to the County Cage Bar for a few beers, some NBA and Swamp People on TV and live music! Another cousin, my uncle's daughter, met up with us here and rode the last two days with us.

6/8, Day 6, St. Paul to Shelby, 55.9 miles. Today was a relatively easy, flat ride with a tailwind. I wasn't nearly as sore, following my low-impact day. Took a dip in the Shelby pool. I was informed that this mural

(in the Shelby Senior Center, where I enjoyed a delicious, homemade hot fudge sundae) was painted by the mother of gold medal-winning bobsledder and Shelby's hometown hero, Curtis Tomasevicz. There is even a penny-farthing rider hidden between the cow and the barn in the mural. 

Such an artistic and sporting community you are, Shelby, Nebraska!  I also learned that an allegedly famous artist that I had never heard of, Terence Duren, was from Shelby, and that he had designed his own tombstone.

6/9, Day 7, Shelby to Yutan, 56.4 miles. Some hills and a crosswind provided some resistance to what was otherwise an easy finale day (avec accentes, sil vous plais). Just for the hell of it, I wore my kilt over my bike shorts today, just as I had during the final day of RAGBRAI 2009.

At the Saunders County Museum, the youthful receptionist informed me that the last time she had seen a skirted gent was at a funeral, where he was playing a bagpipe. Also that I "probably had better legs" than him. Saucy. Back at Yutan, a few people took an interest in me due to my kilt (as I have no other notable characteristics). An excitable rider from Lincoln with a stuffed squirrel on his helmet, whom we referred to as "Squirrel," accosted me and said, "You get all the press! Next year I'm getting chaps!" You do that, Squirrel. I may or may not be there, as I have resolved to swap Shifty's slick tyres out for some knobbies (yep, nothing like a bunch of hard knobs to put a smile on everyone's faces) for the rest of the season.

Unpaved surfaces, here we come! With hard knobs!