Alexandr! You WIN! My heart...dude.

July 31, 2012

Well as usual, I have missed out on some exciting local events. The new bike lane on Leavenworth has just opened and I haven't been anywhere near it yet. It's getting tons of press. Expeditions love it.  It's more popular than STDs.  Here is an STD. 

Based on Cove Bike's website, the STD:
...features an un-interupted seat tube and a super stiff 1.5 head tube designed to let you shove it and raise it, slaying the downs and beating the hell out of the ups.

Sounds pretty rough.  But it is my understanding that getting an STD is not the smoothest part of most peoples' lives.  But if you do get an STD, you are sure to enjoy shoving that super stiff head tube, anyway.  Just don't raise that thing up in my face like that dude!  Get a doctor or something.

I'm pretty sure there was a jubilee opening event for that Leavenworth bike lane with jugglers and ponies. Damn.  They have probably also opened that 1st phase of the South Omaha Trail, too. Yup.  Missed it.  It was last Wednesday.  Hmm.  Maybe I'll catch the next bike-related trail opening.

Everyone is talking to me about Alexandr Vinokourov these days. They say things like, "Hey, what about that Alexander Vinokorov dude? Is he great or what?"
In response I say things like, "Well, first of all it's 'Alexandr,' (emphasis on the lack of an "e") and second it's 'Vinokourov' with a rich "ou" sound. Yeah, baby. I like how you say that. Say it again." Whew. Sorry. Creeped myself out there for a minute. But at least I'm used to it. Then I talk about the rich cycling opportunities in Kazakhstan and how I bet AV will open a guided bicycle touring company there which will be sponsored in part by his current bicycling team Astana.
And third of all, I apologize for my repeated use of "dude."  Here's an important PSA for all you dudes.

Keep an eye out for STDs and "Go stans!"  That's the Olympic heart, dudes.

Goodbye week, hello dirt!

July 28, 2012

Sometimes bike parts break. I broke a tube on my bike pump while switching from my namby-pamby slicks to my knobby tyres.

This did not prevent me from making it out for a bicycle ride to Swanson Park today. I stopped by the Hy-Vee gas station for some free air and headed out. It was pretty great to be back on the dirt. I decided to go to Swanson instead of Tranquility Park due to the fact that my compadre Rich

had been transcripted into familial duty for the weekend. I left my home early. Little did I know I was missing one item that would have been nice to have along. If you would like to guess which one, here're some choices:

1. food
2. drink
3. credit card
4. chain tool
5. tyre lever
6. pump
7. a sunny disposition

If you guessed 4, then you are correct, as you will see if you actually read this entire post.  After a pleasant ride out to the park I was giddy with excitement as I hit the shady, well-groomed trails.

The dirt was pretty dry in the sunny spots, but not really excessively dusty or slippery. I got out there around 9:30 and got a sweet lap in. I encountered only one other bicycler and a few deer.

Gaze deeply into my eyes...bitch!

Some places are removing signs

Whereas Swanson has developed a copious amount of signage over the years.

I think "difficult" means, "occasional overgrowth."

I must say that T.H.O.R. does a great job with their trail maintenance out there. Thanks guys!  As I hadn't been out there for a year or so, I noticed a few new log rides with a dried mud, concrete-like mortar keeping things smooth and together.

I was coming up out of the gulley area

(my favorite section of the trail) when a snap and subsequent fall signaled a mechanical issue. I though maybe my chain had slipped off the chain ring. Unfortunately, this was not the case. I had broken my Sram PC 990 chain!

Let me digress for a moment to explain to you something related to this particular chain. I am generally fairly easily impressed. Therefore I was very impressed with the factory lube on this chain. I had not lubed this chain since I installed in shortly before my bicycle ride across Nebraska. So, this chain went through about 500 miles before it probably needed a lube. Unfortunately, the chain went about 600 miles with no lube, and then I finally took it off road. Doh! Yep. My bad. Your supportive friend (a rare species) might call you a brute when you bust your chain. Your friend is lying. You are a chain abuser. Like me. You neglected an essential part of your bicycle. Now what? Do you have a chain tool? My answer to that question would be a sheepish "no." Neither did the two guys that rode by, although they both started off sounding optimistic about the possibility.

I managed to get my chain back together, albeit in a weak and unsustainable manner.

I made it to around 72nd and Harrison before it fell apart again. After that it continued to split from time to time. I made it to the former location of High Gear (85th and Brentwood area). A phone call revealed that the shop had moved to 73rd and Giles and was now part of the formidible Trek Bicycle Store empire.

Well, that's not far! I got there and the manager leant me a sweet ass shop chain tool. A little awkward wrenching and I was back on the road! Thanks guys and Yee-haw!

In other news, I hear that the Olympics are occurring. A volleyball player from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is on the Olympic volleyball team, one Jordan Larson. I am not sure, but I think that JoLa is an avid bicyclist.

I am very sure that a Kozakh, one Alexandr Vinokourov is an avid bicyclist, and also a gold medalist after winning the Olympic road race. Rack one up for the 'stans!

So what else is going on this weeekend? I'm not really sure. Let me look into that and get right back to you.  Alright, I'm back.  The Playing with Fire concert series down at the Lewis and Clark Landing is beginning today. It's Benson's 125th birthday, with many festivities to mark the occasion. And the Omaha Comedy Week continues, today at TBA.

Well let's get out there!  With a chain tool!

Funny bicycles!?

July 25, 2012

Since you are reading this, chances are you don't wanna hear anything funny. But in a departure from the norm I will tell you something funny - it's Omaha Comedy Week!  Right here in river city! I learned about this funny event while attending the Spokes for Jokes ride last eve. Omaha Comedy Week continues through Sunday, and takes place at various venues throughout town.

It doesn't have to be Omaha Comedy Week for you to get your laughs, however. The Spokes for Jokes ride heads out from Stinson Park every Tuesday around 6 p.m. and arrives at the Pizza Shoppe for a comedy show at around 6:45 (my speed) or around 6:30 (regular bicycling speed). Shows begin around 7. This ride was apparently conceived of by the good folks at the Community Bike Project Omaha. I am pretty sure that I was the only participant in the ride last night, but this event is slated to continue until September 4th.

I parked my vehicle near the B-cycle kiosk near Stinson, so you could just grab one and go if you found yourself lacking a bicycle, but with an ample urge for some bicycling and comedy on a Tuesday night. I think you might have to sign up on their website first, though.

Then I rode happily along some multi-use trails through Elmwood Park. I was soon disgorged from the trails onto the happily shaded Happy Hollow Boulevard bicycle lane,

which ended

nearly as quickly as it began. Its brevity adds to its charm. I continued along a pleasantly pastoral 52nd Street and eventually wound up on Corby Street, which sported a barely- to very-discernable sharrow

and this welcoming sign.

I arrived safely in the dynamic Benson area where I found a bike parking spot next to this large mural.

Alright Blanco, you can sit on the Bastard, but you have to give 'im back after the show! Or not...

I arrived at the Pizza Shoppe to find that an early crowd had already taken up residence. I sniffed around for a bit, but I did not detect the pungent odor of any other bicyclers, so a kindly software developer offered to share his table and we were soon joined by two attractive young ladies(?!). "Tina" was delighted by the "community table" environment. After we were informed that the $5 cover included a 15% discount at the neighboring tattoo parlor we all made plans to get the same table tattoo next Tuesday. I didn't ask her what the "hospitality industry" consisted of exactly. The comedy was very good. First up was J.C. Morgan, recently of LA. Funny jokes about parenthood. He was followed by the sizable Skull-prov group, recently of Skulldruduggery Theater. They were funny too! Yay! Then it was Jason "Fitz" "Fish" Miller, a bearded fellow who made some entertaining parenthood-related jokes. Then it was Paul Reiser who read an excerpt from his classic Parenthood book. Just kidding! But wouldn't that have been hysterical! No? That's not even a real book?!  Well, maybe I'll leave the comedy to the pros next time. Geez. Tough crowd. Finally, the much-anticipated (by me, anyway) Weisenheimers took the stage. I hadn't seen them before, but I have noticed that they make frequent appearances at the Pizza Shoppe and a few other local venues. "Tina" noticed that they didn't have half of their members, but that didn't stop The Backstreet Boys from making it to the top did it?! What!? Okay, if your laughing at that one, then I feel sorry for you this time! The Half of the Weisenheimers that we witnessed were very good. Long-winded, but usually packing a pithy zinger or two in each and every sketch. I think they were kind of happy to be able to have the entire stage to themselves.

I slipped out a little early so that I could get back for a haircut and some beauty rest. On the way I half-assedly attempted to purchase a raffle ticket (only $1/ticket) for the New Belgium bicycle (raffle tickets to benefit the Community Bike Project Omaha). The door guy was too busy laughing intently at the W-heimers to sell me a ticket, and I didn't want to interrupt his hilarity, so I resolved to pick one up during my next visit. P.S., thanks for the good times.

On my way home, I enjoyed some additional public art enjoying, including this large O! in Memorial Park that I hadn't examined previously.

Looks kinda fishy, don't it!? What is up with this whacky punctuation?!

What else is going on? Well, as everybody knows, and I temporarily forgot, it's RAGBRAI week?! Yes, I was reminded of this annual occurrence by this news article. Although RAGBRAI is something that I feel is best understood by experiencing it firsthand, many of us non RAGBRAIns understand the event mostly through news reports relating to accidents, which are, thankfully, generally rather few.

Oh and that foul-mouthed Bradley Wiggins apparently won the Tour de France!? That is just fucking great. I can't wait to see him on tour with Russell Brand.  Now that'd be some bloody good comedy, eh?! I hope Russ's current situation won't curtail his fun-loving romps.  Hell Russ, if throwing i-phones through windows is a crime, then what about those evil bastards that flush them down toilets!?  I think BW would have to open the show, because Russell would be a hard act to follow. That's why I am hoping that he will be the final (surprise) performer at the Funny Bone during our exciting Omaha Comedy week!? Hey, if you're gonna dream, dream big!? Let's ride our bicycles to the show, Russell! Oh, what jolly good fun! He he he he! Ah, so sad to say cheerio, old chap! Ta ta?!

http://demo.fitperez.com/2011-06-30-russell-brand-goes-bike-riding-in-tribeca-new-york

National Bicycle Vacation

July 23, 2012

I am pleased to inform you that my family and I have survived enjoyed our vacation time out west. But now I am back and you will be subjected able to perusinge some snotty blogging if you so wish. What has been going on? Really? Neat. Well, let me interject that on our pastoral journey I did encounter many bicycles and bicyclers, primarily of the sporty variety. Many of these were in 2 of our nation's 58 national parks.

Many outfitters will get you spinning around a NP.

It appears that many bicyclists have signed up with an outfitter and/or packed up some panniers in order to travel about the national parks on 2 wheels. There are even a few routes that are open to bicyclers that are not on the main roads. Here is one that I encountered at Yellowstone.

It is an old, paved, service road that leads to Lone Star Geyser (near Old Faithful). I appreciate the park service legalizing bicycling on this road, because it was inhabited by a sizable (and hungry) mosquito population during our excursion. Luckily we got there in time to witness the eruption of the LSG (which apparently only occurs about every 4 hours).

We did some camping. Tent camping was prohibited on the Montana side of Shoshone National Forest, possibly due to the presence of bear (pronounced "BAARR!"). We saw a black bear mother and cub from the safety of our vehicle during our visit to Yellowstone. I tried to get a photo, but I was excitedly yelling "BAAR!" loudly enough that it was impossible for me to get a decent shot. I did get this shot of the back of a ranger who was trying to dissuade overzealous would-be bear photographers from endangering themselves and others by their ardent pursuit of the mother and child.

At the 1880 Town in Murdo, South Dakota, I observed one somewhat old timey bicycle in the Diner Car.

I enjoyed the buildings that comprised the town, as they were mostly buildings that were actually in use in the 1880s. Costume rentals were available for a reasonable $5 each. Free carriage rides. The McNasty brothers performed some comedy and music at the saloon. I put in a suggestion for 1880 bicycle rentals (e.g., an American Star

or American velocipede, as described here) in the comments section of the visitors log.

Now that I am back home, I have started a batch of ginger beer and put some of our gear back into storage.

Here is a Tuesday night ride that starts at Aksarben Village's Stinson Park at 6 p.m. and wends its casual way to the Pizza Shoppe for some comedy, drinks, pizza, etc. Proceeds from raffle tickets for a New Belgium Bike will go towards the Community Bicycle Project Omaha. Sounds like a good time. Let's do it! I'll be the sweaty guy with the Tour de Fat shirt missing about 1/2 the buttons. Yelling "BAAR!"

Team up to reflect

July 15, 2012

About a week ago I received a LASIK enhancement to my left eye. This was to complete the transformation from bland, unobtrusive, oblivious bicycle enthusiast to spicy, obnoxious, selectively focused, bicycle-oriented generalist. Such a dramatic transformation certainly calls for a reevaluation and some time for reflection. After my laser eye installation, I was temporarily banned from bicycling by the laser-eye masters and mistress who dwell in that tower over yon. It was thanks to being foot-borne that I chanced upon this tree face.

I probably wouldn't have seen it if I were two-wheeling by at speeds which I estimate to be similar to jogging raccoons.

With this transitional time in mind, I also made it out to engage in some "culture" by viewing some comic book-oriented theatre. Crash! Boom! Pow! was a highly entertaining and engaging production put on by the Shelterbelt Theatre. I can't say that I've been disappointed in any of their productions that I have witnessed. This one has some fun, well-executed, seamless choreography that is indeed a pleasure to behold. Something that I might not have appreciated had I been riding my bicycle during the production.

So in summary: it's been nice to be bipedal instead of pedalling the bicycle for awhile. I'm sure I will lapse back into my two-wheeling ways eventually. For now, though, I am off for some more reflection in the form of a vacation that is likely to include some car camping in one or more national parks. Yes. This is an American vacation tradition that has not, to the best of my admittedly patchy powers of recollection (got a laser procedure for that laser lords and lady?) been turned into a National Lampoon Vacation movie (hint hint!). Speaking of classic comedies here is one sure-to-be classic movie cutting edge recommendation for you.... It combines elements of 2 fantastic comedies- Anchorman and Walk Hard. Yep. It's the large, curly-haired comedy known as Stepbrothers. This was a team up that was better than many of the team ups you may have read about in the Marvel Team-up series (except for Spider Man and Red Sonja- the comic book retelling of Shakespeare's big hit Romeo and Juliette).

So in summary #2: I'll be back to my customary web chronicling habits by the 25th of July or thereabouts and I may be slightly more out of touch than usual upon my return. But please, bear with me. I just couldn't bear it if you didn't! Best wishes for your next couple a weeks and I look forward to catching up ASAP!

Mammel Power!

July 10, 2012

Hey Bikeheads! What is shaking? Since I am a big fan of Omaha Bikes, I actually went to one of their monthly meetings today! It was pretty cool. When I neared the gathering place, I knew that I was in the midst of a nexus of power, much like an urban, midwestern Sedona, Arizona. I knew this based on some utility markings and a large transformer I observed outside the meeting place - Mammel Hall at UNO's Peter Kiewit Institute. Mammel Hall is an impressive hall, with lots of sponsored areas.

This one,

however, is was still up for grabs. Hmmmm. I think Bike Snot OMA Restroom has a nice ring to it! Perhaps someday, young one, someday (sigh).

I got to the designated nexus of pedal power within the nexus of regular power before everyone but the club president- Patrick. Shook hands with several people. Settled in and listened to many of the bike valet, website plan, and bicycle advocacy-oriented items the club is involved in. I was impressed by the smart conciseness of club member comments. Good pacing on discussions. Interesting activities. I think they are in the process of becoming even more powerful, based not only on the meeting location,

but also some good ideas and a continued interest in building a more bicycle-oriented city. Plans to increase membership with some fun events, too. Delightful!

One item that caught my attention was the extension of the JFK Expressway to south of the Platte River along the current course of US Highway 75. This will make it impossible to efficiently bicycle along this thoroughfare by legal means unless bicycle or multi-use trails are added to the north and south of the river. The club agreed that this was an important issue to address and inform people about as early as possible. The expressway is slated for completion in 2015, but, as you may have noticed or forgotten about completely by now, these trail projects tend to take awhile. Speaking of which, I hear the first half of the South Omaha Trail, to eventually connect the Field Club Trail to the Keystone Trail will officially open soon. Possibly a ceremony and/or ride of some sort will occur.  This is a short section of trail (approximately 45th and Dayton to the Keystone Trail near 60th and Grover), but I am happy to see an east-west trail finally being constructed! Yay!

Another exciting bicycle-oriented event that occurs soon is the illuminating OWL ride which is scheduled for its 3rd annual night flight on July 14.

Happy night flying, owls of destiny. Happy nights.

Popping good show, ol' chap!

July 7, 2012

Do you like to get out to see some original music? How about motorcycles? Like 'em? If you answered "no," "huh?" and "yes," respectively, to these questions then you would probably enjoy the usual vibe at Chrome Lounge in Ralston, Nebraska.

I talked with the bartender and he said they got better crowds for cover bands than orignal bands on the weekend. This weekend, however, they had 5 bands that I had never heard of. I had not been to the Chrome before, but because of the interesting looking band line-up yesterday (Friday), I made it out there and enjoyed some good music by a band called All these Runners from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I thought the name of the next band was Flying Pirates, but after reviewing show info, I think it was Flying Kards, which were pretty good too.

I learned that this show was a kind of preview/warm-up for the Nebraska Pop Festival, which will be taking place at various venues from July 10-15.

The Nebraska Pop Festival is an event that generally occurs this time of year and features an eclectic mix of mostly good to very good indie bands from all around the country and even the world! The last time I went to a NPF show it was sparsely attended, but enjoyable. This pre-fest show was the same. These shows really deserve more attention, since they feature bands with originality and pizzazz. I blame the boring sounding name. Nebraska Pop sounds about as inviting as warm omelets. Might I suggest a name like “Cornbelt Spanking” or “Midwest Meltdown“? Maybe a Magic Mike kind of vibe with a tantalizing calendar of some band members? I mean people not just peoples' members, sheesh! Showbiz! Sell, sell sell! Maybe you should hire me as your chief marketer, Christopher. I will work erratically erotically incestuously incessantly to make sure that this event is known far and wide throughout the land!

Here is another type of event occurring in my environs these days- it's an Omaha Bikes meeting this Tuesday at 5:30 at UNO. I am hoping to attend and learn much about Omaha and/or bikes. Tally-ho, popheads!

Patriotic Porridge Pondering...

July 6, 2012

Hopefully you have enjoyed a break in your week to celebrate the Fourth of July, Canada Day, or at least called in sick. Or maybe even all three!

Here in the husky midsection of North America, we pride ourselves on ingenuity. Benjamin Franklin is one industrious person that played an essential role in setting an industrious standard for our US of A.

Ol' Ben was an avid bicyclist, although he did not invent them. He did invent the idea of kite-cycling, which was somewhat ahead of his time, as was his wont. Closer to home, yesterday I noticed that a turkey(!) was hanging out at Woodchuck Holler.

Closer inspection revealed that this turkey was also a mother turkey, female turkeys are also known as hens tomettes. Chicks are called poults tomelitas, or tomales for short.

BF was a big fan of turkeys, and (although himself Deist) actually promulgated the idea that turkeys should be the national prey. He also wanted owls to be the national bird. Not sure which kind, but I don't think he was either, since they mostly come out at night. He also wanted bats to be the national flying mammal. I had occasion to notice some of our Bendorsed candidate for national bird last night near this tree,

which I now proclaim to be an American basswood. This tree was named by Benjamin Franklin, and its dense wood makes for (as its name implies) great sounding acoustic basses. As I previously described, it also yields crunchy nuts, which can be turned into Captain Crunchberry Corsairs. Back in Ben's day they just mixed 'em with jute and "chewed" them like tobacco until they were soft enough to finish consuming, with or without wooden teeth. They were used to make a breakfasty treat called "Poor Richard's Breakfast Balls" back then. This was not considered to be an inappropriate or unappetizing name at that time.

As you may have noticed, the weekend has almost arrived. I recently became aware that Lincoln, Nebraska is hosting what is sure to be an enjoyable bicycle-oriented event this Saturday. Food, bikes and a movie. Sounds like a good time. This event is in conjunction with another event which occurs today (Friday) 7-11 pm called Biklops Poster Show at Screen Ink, in Lincoln.

I have recently discovered that I can enjoy some streaming audio/video of the TdF at this location, probably loads of other places too. I will be sure to tune in for some bicycle-oriented excitement later today.

Still feeling patriotic after the big national holiday? Well keep an eye out for Ben and/or other patriot-oriented things and eat your Breakfast Balls/Crunchberry Corsairs.

Right in the middle

July 3, 2012

Well it seems as if we have been caught in the middle of some shtuff here. Holidays every which way you look on your calendar. Bicycle riders riding briskly about Belgium and France. Here are some riders caught in the middle.

Here is a writer poetically conveying his impressions of the TdF. And who can resist the soulful thoughts and ramblings of everyone's favorite professional bicyclist, Jens Voigt. Oh, and I'm currently taking a slight hiatus from working on my vaguely TdF-related song "Franciful Popsicle."

As "Ryder" Hesjedal may have known, Sunday was Canada Day, which is a day of the year when Canadians stop obnoxiously wearing maple leaf periphrenelia paraphernalia and getting maple leaf tattoos, and actually take the next logical (by Canadian standards) step:  refusing to acknowledge any form of life that is not maple leaf-oriented. Other types of trees are generally ignored, covered in large tarps with maple leaf patterns, and (infrequenty albeit sadly) spray painted with maple leaf graffiti. Maple syrup is chugged. Maple flavoured beers and wines are drunk in abundance. You get your maple on or you get the mape-hell out, eh!

Here in the well-padded mid-section of North America, we are getting ready to celebrate the 4th of July.

Fireworks. Barbies and/or barbeques. Swimming pools. Here in the Corn Belt, we like our corn to be "knee high by the Fourth of July." Corn that is not this height is liable to be mocked mercilessly, if not (sadly albeit infrequently) kicked vigorously in disapproval. Independence Day is also a good time to enjoy some type of freedom. Rockin' n' rollin' is an acceptable way of enjoying some freedom.

These holidays, much like bicycling, are not without risks. That is why public service billboards like this are necessary.

I'm not sure what celebrations are occurring in North America's well-endowed Speedo (aka Mexico). It appears that there are no major holidays in Mexico in July, please correct me if I am wrong.  I am sorry to hear this.  Maybe we should schedule a "North America Day" in July so that we could all party down together, much like last weekends "Lovefest" here in the Omaha area.  My place is kinda in the middle of NA, so why don't we all just stop by?  How's the 15th for you?

France is also getting happily ready to celebrate Bastille Day, which is a day when all Francophiles like to wear stripes, ball-and-chains, and run away from "royals" or gendarmes (aka coppers). What little I know about gendarmes, like most of my historical knowledge, is based on Iron Maiden songs, like this one.

Wow Bruce!  I think you were sporting the spandex and the inspiration for Ugh boots at this show! 

How about that Peter Sagan? First he wins the points classification at Tour de California, and now he is winning some stages at the TdF! Nice work PS! Let's kick back and celebrate!