Springly sprung

March 27, 2013

Hey Homers and Homees.  What is the latest sense/nonsense?  Good.  Good?

Well let me tell you, there is some stuff happening.  Why just the other day I saw this sign in someone's yard.

Nancy Kratky.  Belle of the Spring Balle!

That is a sign of spring.  Other signs of spring include men and women "hawking their wares" on various street corners around town.  And by "hawking their wares" I mean setting up large yard sculptures that you can buy.

Well, everyone knows that spring is that special time of year in which pretty much any bird you encounter is likely to be drunk on fermented fruits of some sort, but did you know that it is also the time of year where mayoral candidates are engaged in some verbal sparring?  Maybe some verbal thrusting.  Parrying.  You get the, touche avec accente!  Mon dieu!

Here is an article I perused in my daily periodical.  It's about bikes and bike lanes!  Yay!  If you don't care to read the entire article I can summarize it thusly, Mayor Suttle is pro-bike lane.  Mayoral candidates Dan Welch and Dave Nabity are anti-bike lane.  Candidate Welch states, furthermore, "I haven't seen a bike yet, but we're backing up traffic."  I don't consider myself a one issue voter, but I do have a very limited attention span, so I've pretty much decided who gets my vote because I'm probably not going to read much more about this bicycle mayoral race.  However a quick bicycle tour around town with the Snot might quickly change this voter's mind!  I've even got a few bikes we could use.  The inaugural Mayoral Candidate Bicycling Voter Wooing Ride is just what the organized bike riding season needs!  How's this weekend work for you?  I'll bring the fermented crab apples.

Speaking of drunken flyers, I watched Flight last weekend.  I didn't care much for the plot, but Denzel Washington's flab acting was captivating.

Denzel is a large hefty big proponent of bicycling, as evidenced by this photograph of DW with the late, great Tony Scott.

www.gossiprocks.com

Gay marriage is a hot topic.  But not as hot as this photo of some gay divorcees avec accentes, no mon cheris?!

ridesabike.tumblr.com

It's also time for Easter.  Kids will be out pedaling bicycles from church to Easter egg hunt to Easter egg hunt to the bar and then more Easter egg hunting and/or flying.  Let's keep an eye out for them.  Also the birds.  Those crazy drunken birds!  I noticed some fat, happy robins had pretty much occupied this tree that had originally been occupied by some fermented crab apples.

There were still some left, so I stopped in to see what all the fuss was about.

Hmmmm.  Not too bad!  The wary, inveterate drunkards were a bit stand-offish at first.  But after I munched down a few perfectly fermented crab apples they seemed to accept me as one of their own.  So grab yourself some fermented crab apples and meet me at the corner to check out the ware hawking/werehawks as we celebrate the Full Moonday tonight and the Maunday Thursday on Thursday!  Get your pagan/Christian mofo mojo working and get festive!  Yah-hoy!  

Alexandr! You WIN! My heart...dude.

July 31, 2012

Well as usual, I have missed out on some exciting local events. The new bike lane on Leavenworth has just opened and I haven't been anywhere near it yet. It's getting tons of press. Expeditions love it.  It's more popular than STDs.  Here is an STD. 

Based on Cove Bike's website, the STD:
...features an un-interupted seat tube and a super stiff 1.5 head tube designed to let you shove it and raise it, slaying the downs and beating the hell out of the ups.

Sounds pretty rough.  But it is my understanding that getting an STD is not the smoothest part of most peoples' lives.  But if you do get an STD, you are sure to enjoy shoving that super stiff head tube, anyway.  Just don't raise that thing up in my face like that dude!  Get a doctor or something.

I'm pretty sure there was a jubilee opening event for that Leavenworth bike lane with jugglers and ponies. Damn.  They have probably also opened that 1st phase of the South Omaha Trail, too. Yup.  Missed it.  It was last Wednesday.  Hmm.  Maybe I'll catch the next bike-related trail opening.

Everyone is talking to me about Alexandr Vinokourov these days. They say things like, "Hey, what about that Alexander Vinokorov dude? Is he great or what?"
In response I say things like, "Well, first of all it's 'Alexandr,' (emphasis on the lack of an "e") and second it's 'Vinokourov' with a rich "ou" sound. Yeah, baby. I like how you say that. Say it again." Whew. Sorry. Creeped myself out there for a minute. But at least I'm used to it. Then I talk about the rich cycling opportunities in Kazakhstan and how I bet AV will open a guided bicycle touring company there which will be sponsored in part by his current bicycling team Astana.
And third of all, I apologize for my repeated use of "dude."  Here's an important PSA for all you dudes.

Keep an eye out for STDs and "Go stans!"  That's the Olympic heart, dudes.