December 30, 2016
As the impending year looms before us like a vanfull of
possibilities, let us all count our blessings and reflect on/try to forget this
year’s events.
Here are some of my memorable experiences as of late:
- 1. A couple weeks back we had some snow for about 2 hours!
- 2. People celebrated Christmas or Chanukkah or other. Here is some evidence.
- The Southern Comfort; however, seemed a bit unnecessary because the weather has been very mild here lately.
- 3. Today the Husker footballers proved that they could still entertain me. They entertained me by keeping most people off the streets whilst I went out for some bicycling in this mild winter weather.
ALERT: Testicle talk
hanging below!
Speaking of ballers, I got some new boxer briefs for
Christmas. One pair was great. The other pair attempted to roast my
nuts. If you are like me, (and AC/DC)
you love to communicate to others about your balls.
Society, however, being what it is, prefers that we do so only
in certain circumscribed areas such as during sex, while making sex videos, or
at your urologist’s. If you are a woman,
you may also want to tell others a lot about your clitoris and/or labia. You are free to do so at your leisure and/or
convenience, preferably whilst breastfeeding in public. That is fine with me and (I am sure) also
fine with everyone else. And if not,
fuck ‘em. Now that we have gotten those
parts out in the open, let’s take a look (not literally, I blushed prudishly)
at some important things about balls.
1.
Balls should stay cool. My balls were recently very uncool due to
their newfound enclosure – a pair of boxer briefs made by a company called Pair
of Thieves. Here is what they were made
of.
Those fit well, but seem much warmer than cotton or some of the other synthetic blends I've experienced (e.g., polyester and lycra). If you want to keep your ballerinos
warm whilst wearing shorts and excelling at the luge, these would be
great. While performing sedentary
clerical work; however, they were alarmingly toasty.
2.
Balls should not bounce on your saddle. To that end, I recently found some Wickers briefs that give the boys the support I felt they needed whilst I engage in my carefree bicycling
habits. Unfortunately, Wickers, like many made in the U.S. companies, have recently closed. I don't think those Chinese synthetic blends are quite as breathable. Or maybe I'm just being a nationalistic asshole and my new boxer briefs will be cooly-comfy after a washing... I'll get back to you on this, whether you want me to or not!
3.
A penis may retreat, like a turtle towards its
heart, towards the balls when affected by cold.
Do not be alarmed. Also do not
attempt to urinate until the penis has re-emerged, like a blossoming daffodil
bloom reaching for the sun.
Alright, number 3 might have been
a bit of a stretch upwards and away from the balls, but the penis is also quite
high on my list of things I like to, but feel constrained, about sharing. I guess ball talk should typically come in
sets of 2.
My balls feel much cooler after
sharing.
What else is happening? Let’s have a look-see…
Here is a cartoon advertising a kid's bike that is not at all kid-oriented. That is because kids want to buy a bike with graphics that are fun. That is why Snot Jr. recently chose a bike with a cartoon car on it. Great.
I guess that's all I've got for now. Keep 'em cool and bike onwards towards a glorious 2017!
Cool regards,
BS
