Intoxicating Summer Wheels

June 21, 2019

Dear Fellow Bicycle Enthusiast, et al.,

Welcome to my humble composition!  I hope it amuses or something similar.  Happy summer (for N hemispherians) or winter (for those south of the belt)!  Today I would like to present to you two topics:  a) cycling clothing, b) modes of transport.

These 2 topics have been on my mind lately for the following reasons:  1) the Pearls before Swine cartoonist, Stephan Pastis, has had a few strips lately that address cycling, one of which obliquely refers to bicyclists’ penchant for tight clothing and 2) a conversation with a few co-workers addressing the new scooter option for transport (only allowed on streets) and a compare/contrast exercise with bicycles, cars and scooters.  

As far as topic A goes, let me begin and end by presenting a photo that proves that you cannot always see my nipples through my high-viz bike jersey (topper of choice).

Need I say/type more? 

I didn’t think so.

As far as topic B goes, the discussion was a bit wide-ranging, unstructured and thought-provoking.  So, the scooters make a good conversation starter.  Our discussion went something like this:

“What about those new scooters scooting around on the roads everywhere these days?”

“I saw a guy on Leavenworth during my morning commute today!  Bold choice!”

“Bold or dumb?”

“It would be different if he had a bike lane!”

“They don’t have much visibility, just a little taillight.  They can’t ride ‘em at night.”

Me:  “Really?”

(coworker appraises me as if I might be a bit touched) “Yeah.”

“It’s like bicycles. They want to have all the privileges of the road, but they don’t always follow the rules of the road.  When was the last time you saw a bicycle getting ticketed (rhetorical period).  

(I refrained from mentioning that it’s probably because the percentage of bicyclers is so low that you probably only see one bicyclist per 1,000 cars or so you see)

Or a speeding car during the rush hour commute.” (very equitable) 

“They keep saying how many injuries there have been since they started the scooters, but there’s only been like two tickets.”

“Yeah, something’s not right here….”

“My buddy once got a ticket on his bike.  DUI.”

“On a bike?”

“Yeah.”

Me:  “It’s my understanding that you can’t get a DUI on a bike in Nebraska, you could only get a public intoxication.”

“They charged him with DUI.”

Me:  “Well I don’t think they could make it stick.”

“They did.  He lost his license.”

“Yeah, a bicycle is a vehicle.”

So there.  And it is true, a bicycle is a vehicle, as are motorized scooters.  A vehicle (per the Cambridge dictionary) is “something used to transport people or goods, esp. something used on land or roads.”  Usually a machine (an object that proffers a mechanical advantage to the user).  So a skateboard, wagon, and roller skates would also qualify.  But I don’t think you could get a DUI for drunken skateboarding or pulling your kid around in a wagon.  

I was impressed to find that the League of American Bicyclists had put together a handy guide to determining what penalties could be levied at a drunken bicyclist based on state.  As shown on the handy chart, Nebraska’s DUI law, like most states’, only applies to motor vehicles.  Iowa’s and Kansas’s laws are similar, but Wichita has a city ordinance that allows drunken bicyclists to be charged with a DUI.

Not that it matters that much to me.  I don’t get out and party much.  Back in my younger years I was once hit by a car whilst bicycling intoxicating, and it was quite unpleasant for a variety of reasons.  It was embarrassing and I felt kind of bad for the old guy that hit me.  It also made quite an impression on me (mostly on my jaw) and I had to get a few stitches and go to the impound lot the next morning afternoon to get the Bastard back.

So there’s that.  You probably won’t get a DUI for bicycling intoxicated, but you might get hurt (or killed) and/or undergo a series of unpleasantries.  

Glad we got that all cleared up.

And what’s up with those scooters?  Well let’s take a look.  Hmmm. Looks pretty good.  Maybe all this scooting will encourage the creation of more bike lanes too!  That would be great.  So scoot on by sometime and we’ll head out on the streets for awhile!

Let’s roll!

BSO