Let's try that again!

May 30, 2014

Firstly let me wish you a happy bicycling month before it's too late!  Shwew!  That was close.
Conditions this past Thursday were ideal for a taco ride.  I got to the trailhead a little late.  Greg – the wise and gregarious patriarch of the taco ride, shown here transporting a bicycle in need of a fix

 - complimented the Old Bastard.  “A classic” he called it.  “It’s been around awhile,” I responded.  Then he said “that thing's almost as old as you!”  Haha!  I am 42 and the O.B. is 24, so I guess we do have the same digits, just in a different order.  I didn’t argue with Greg.  I pedaled with youthful vigor until I reached the large gathering at Margaritaville.

I met a guy in a taco outfit.  

Then I met a bunch of former co-workers.  The taco guy seemed like a good guy.  He told me that his 7-year-old son had learned to weld out by Silver City a while back.  Building some sweet ramps to jump off of.  That’s pretty sweet!  
If I had a 7-year-old and he could weld I might ask him if he would like to weld together a sculpture of some type for the upcoming bicycle-themed art show at the Smiling Turtle Art Spot.  Here is some info about it, but beware ye!  I plan on entering at least one or two pieces of “art” in an attempt to get rid of a bunch of bike parts that I’ve got lying around in the garage.  I can’t weld, but I do use a lot of J.B. Weld.  I also like to drill and bolt shit together.  As I was complimenting Taco Man on his garb, he confirmed my suspicions that the chicks totally dug the costume but the guys were less enthusiastic.  He was also pretty sweaty, so I suggested sewing some inside pockets into it so he could carry some ice packs to maintain a safe core temperature – atomic tacos are only fun if they’re inside you, not the other way around.  What!?  WhadidI say? 

I did not leave M-ville as quickly as most of my acquaintances, possibly people were making up excuses to avoid conversing with me due to my uncanny combination of youthfulness and cantankerousness that confuses the kids. 

I eventually decided to pedal onwards towards Mineola.  On the way there I noticed that there was an ambulance on the trail.  

I am not sure what happened, but I would like to encourage bicyclers to stay well hydrated and somewhat focused during taco riding events.  I walked O.B. around the ambu and rode on for a while.  It was then that I notice things weren’t quite right.  I eventually realized the source of not-rightness came from a lack of air in my rear tyre.  “Egads!  What caused this inconvenience!?”  I bethought to myself.  My discomfiture was apparent as many passers-by asked if I had what I needed.  “Yeah.”  I responded cheerily, as if having what I needed were a regular occurrence.  This time I actually had patches and a new tube.  After patching I inflated only to note that there was another hole.  That damn thorn had gone through both sides of my tube!  

Like some kind of piercing for my tube!  Since another patch would have meant 3 patches on one tube I decided to retire that one.

I got to Mineola where there was a band that appeared to consist of two members playing outside and a karaoke duo inside.  The captain of the karaoke team was Funky Bear and his taciturn co-pilot was Tommy T. 

Service was quick and friendly.  I devoured my vegetarian Mexi-fries with alacrity

 only to notice that someone had placed a Jello shot in front of me.  

Jello recently celebrated an anniversary.  It has been around for a while.  It started with four flavors:  lemon, orange, strawberry, and raspberry. 

So, all in all it was an eventful and enjoyable night out.  To top things off, the Metro reached a pretty great milestone on my drive back.  

Then the service engine soon light came on.  I think it’s just surprised that we made it this far together!  Here’s to a few more!

-BSO & OB

Hello? Who am I? Where am I?

May 26, 2014

I bet you thought I quit!  Well, I did, but that was temporary.  I may not have been haranguing you with inanities as much as you were used to, but I’m sure you found something else to do.  Maybe bought some bike stuff?  Really!?  Me too!  I have also been working hard to earn an advanced degree in rock ‘n’ roll history.  But now this is the end of this long and winding road towards peace sells but who’s buying the stairway to heaven.  That’s right, they’ve finally ejected me from my course of study due to gross incompatibility as a result of my recent penchant for listening only to One Direction, international teen groups, and related solo acts.  That is fine, because my students at the School of Rock where I was student teaching were beginning to weary of my insistence upon synchronized dance moves and bulk purchasing of hair products.  It was grueling.  And by grueling I mean that I ate gruel the whole parsley, sage, rosemary and time because I didn’t make a single green back dollar.  Or sense, as far as that goes.  Now I am unemployed and even slightly more bitter than usual.  Alright, so there is some venting.  

How do you feel about bicycling?  I have not been bicycling as much as usual because of my studies, but I did make it out to a taco ride a month or so ago.  There was a tornado watch, but the animals didn’t seem to be concerned, so neither was I.  

Much like our ancestral forbears I seek guidance and wisdom from animals in place of this slippery notion of “rational thinking” which seems like a big crap shoot to me. 

I made it out on the trail where a deeps sense of ease, pastoralness, and right-ness permeated my being.  Then I started pedaling my bicycle and I started whining and bitching about how grueling things were.  Then that first stuff again.  I saw a sign advertising some hay bales.  

I got to Margaritaville where it was kind of cool.  I stayed there until a fine young gentleman blessed many of us with complimentary rummy bears which were f-ing feenomenol!  

I stayed for a while and then decided I would head back home instead of proceeding onwards towards Mineola.  Maybe next time.   

Then I also went on the 11^th annual Wear YellowRide a couple weeks ago, which started off briskly 

at 7:00 and ended warmly with pancakes and prizes for many.  The route was very smooth and conditions were nearly optimal.  We went past two steakhouses (Round the Bend and Parker's) 

and two racetracks (Eagle Raceway and White Sands Raceway).  Since then I have been pedaling around with Baby Toddler Snot in a new bicycle trailer that I am pretty happy with.  I will also plan on attempting but failing to figure out what is happening in the bicycling world these days.  I have heard that Brooks came out with a new rubber saddle that is very popular amongst long distance endurance bicyclers.  Well if it’s good enough for them it’s probably good enough for me the next time I decide it’s a good idea to ride more than I really should (generally a few tens of miles). 

I have been writing lots of papers about rock ‘n’ roll, so you can expect some slight improvements in writing mechanics as I return to my insistent e-journaling antics.  Also as you probably did not notice my photos are even worse than usual since I am out of practice and I've never been very good at photographing anyway.  To summarize, I am back in the saddle where I may ring my bell angrily at volumes that are louder than love.

Weighty happiness

December 27, 2013

I hope you have all been enjoying this possibly festive time of the year for you.  I have been more or less quarantined to my basement where I have been burning stacks of wood, mail, and newspapers to stay warm and to fill our abode with the sweet smell of burnt maple.  To be honest, my formerly moderately active lifestyle has become inactive.  I did get out for a bicycle ride yesterday, which was quite enjoyable.  Here is a photo.  

As you may be able to ascertain from this photo, I was able to bicycle through four of my favorite substances:  snow, grass, leaves, and curb.  

This photo is from the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) which featured multiple bicycle-oriented public service announcement (PSA) posters.  

I am very happy about this, and I am also working on preparing some additional PSA posters to add to the variety and potential audience of these posters.  More on this later.  I was at the DMV to clear up a little misunderstanding about what constitutes “valid identification” - apparently they can’t really scan body parts like they misleadingly imply in the PSA entitled Minority Report.  I might've had the wrong body part out, too.

So what can we believe in this topsy-turvy world of ours?  Well I think we can believe that bicycling might help you lose weight - either lbs or kgs or stone.  Any or all of these can be lost through a strict regime of bicycling and obsessing about bicycling and/or the use of amphetamines.  This truism was illustrated for me as I recently viewed a film entitled Lbs. which I thought was pronounced “el bees,” but is apparently called “pounds.”  In this film, the main character, Neil, played by Carmine Famiglietti decides to turn his life around by losing weight.  He decides to lose weight, due to a heart attack which caused his sister’s wedding to be postponed due to the family trauma caused by this event.  Although it lacks a montage, this film combines elements of Rocky IV and Run Fat Boy, Run into a drama that is mildly humourous and not overly dramatic (no need to worry about a heart attack for unhealthy viewers).  This film motivated me to get out of my home and do some bicycling.  So who says sitting around in your basement and watching movies isn’t a productive use of time?!  

Not only can bicycling be helpful for health, it is also amusing to onlookers who see a large person astride a skinny, delicate-looking road bike, as shown here.

And, no (indignant harumphing) I am not making light of this problem.  

So I guess it's almost 2014, eh?  Got your health care all figured out?  Haha.  Well, I hope it includes a health dose of bicycling and some patience!  Best wishes to you and/or your family!
Sincerely,
-BSO

Thanks for the good times and great oldies!

November 29, 2013

Hello!  It’s Thanksgiving hangover day!  Hope yours is going well.  My friend Bob and I made it out to the Thanksgiving Eve taco ride and had a fun time.  We met a guy named Rich who had this sweet ride.

The bike’s name is also the name of a song by Bob Wayne, as seen here:

The weather was cool, but with a weird, faint tinge of early spring in the air (I thought so anyway).  After the ride another guy named Rich met up with us and we enjoyed the virtuosic, down-to-earth stylings of my favorite local band - Banjo Loco.  Here is a short segment of their cover of “Crazy Train.”  

They are going to release a recording of originals soon, including their catchy “St. Elvis” that still has my toes a-tappin’ and pelvis gyrating (which was a little awkward during the whole family Thanksgiving experience).  And here is a guy with a sweet ass Metallica Christmas sweater. 

I was told there’s a Slayer version too.  

So what have you been up to?  Ducks?  Really?  Hmmm.  

Here is a cool bike I saw a few weeks back.

Nishiki Century

And here is a guy using a pay phone.

NSA ain't monitoring this side of the connection, bitch!

Both of those things gave me a nostalgic feeling of the days of yore.  The bike looks light and comfortable without being ostentatious or prissy and the pay phone use seems humble and purposeful.  

Alright.  Bike riding is great.  Now I gotta go eat some more pie!  That key lime is gonna be out of season soon!

Warm feelings of turkeys to come

November 24, 2013

Greetings.  How is your mother?  Oh.  Yes.  Hmmmm.  I know, I know.

It has become cool here in the gut buster of USiness.  I am replenishing fluids and wishing that my search for comfy mittens like these had proven successful. 

http://blog.girlzlyfe.com/page/14/

But enough about me and your mother.  What about that awesome Gene Richard Simmons?  He is in a cool video, 

and I saw him on tv helping a nurse the other day.  Also he helps me feel nice and warm when I am pedaling along in the frosty belt buckle of our fat and jolly nation.  I can almost here his good natured, peppy exhortations as I pedal!  Gotta love that Gene Richard!  And fat jolliness.  Did you get your festive outdoor decorations out yet?  What?!  Then why are we sitting here all fat and/or jolly and not out there preparing?!  

Also I hear David Bowie released an album this year and I haven’t even purchased a copy yet!  Good thing Christmas is coming up.  Please ask your mother to send me a copy because I know David sings her favorite Christmas music.  

Many bicyclers have noticed that your attitude can change drastically from the beginning of a bicycle ride to the end.  This happened to me a few days back when I took a different route along a somewhat busy road.  Two motorists turned to the right in front of me and I offered one a mono-digital gesture of displeasure.  I was a little grumbly for a while.  But then I came across some of the loveliest bicycle lanes that I have ever seen!  It was joyous!

It snowed on Thursday and it livened up my evening commute.   

By the time I got home with my bike on my car rack part of my back wheel was partially encrusted with gritty snow.  

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving, which means that many bicyclers will be enjoying a festive Thanksgiving Eve ride upon the Keystone trail.  Some will bundle up and pedal slowly.  Others may go fast and naked.  Still others may swerve erratically and wonder where the hell they left their car/gloves/significant other.  Moments like these are potentially the types of things that define us.  Mostly they define us thusly, “you are a dumb ass.”  Ah, the joys of self discovery.  Speaking of self discovery, here is a man who discovered early that what he wanted to do with life was travel adventurously.  A friend of mine forwarded me his website.  Although I am still too jealously indignant about this man’s insouciant insolence to peruse his site thoroughly, I am sure his bicycle trip around the world was great.  Something I am sure to copy once I’ve got a spare two years.  Maybe once Baby Snot gets big enough to pedal without whining (wait, that never happens to any of us!).  

Speaking of offspring.  Here is my new web design which Teen Snot was kind enough to bestow upon me last August.  It took awhile to get it up here on the line, but I am sure you will agree that it was worth the wait.  

I also got a t-shirt with the following quote on the backside: 'Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.' - Mark Twain

So that is all I got at this time.  I hope you are happily spinning from here to there or vice versa.  Gotta go mitten hunting!

-BSO