Savoring the out-of-touchiness

April 25, 2015

Hey everybody!  Did you go out on a bicycle ride today?  It was actually pretty nice, if a bit on the cool side.  I did not actually go out for a bicycle ride, but I know there were some who did, so goody, goody two shoes for you!  I stayed in my garage and replaced the Old Bastard’s flat handlebar with a 5 cm riser bar.  The OB now looks like an old guy’s bike.  And I guess it is.  I am hoping the old guy bike will allow me to do the old guy standing up-bent over-and gradually straightening out routine less often!  Ach!

Old guys often like to live in the past, like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull describes in this classic song-

I also like to reminisce about the goodle days, much like John Hartford does in this classic song-

When I saw this sign lying in the grass the other day, 

it took me back to my goodle days of life in a large desert town.  I lived in a crack neighborhood in a trailer in the side lot of Jim’s place, next to the bus.  I met crack whores aplenty and witnessed some unabashed prostituting to buy the shiny crystalline substance.  I worked crappy jobs, played my guitar, and cranked up the swamp cooler and drank Red Dog in my trailer while watching Phoenix Coyote hockey on the tv to cool off in the heat of the late afternoon/early evening.  Ahhh!  That felt cool!

Apart from reminiscing, I have also enjoyed the arrival of spring.  The signs of it are unavoidable around these parts these days.  Couples hold hands, drakes drive away other drakes who are trying to mess with their duck, flowers are blindingly vivid, and freshly-cut grass sticks to one’s tyres as one bicycles about in a state of springy intoxication.

Here is a cool-looking commuter bicycle that one won an editor’s choice award from the staff of Bicycling magazine.  http://www.bicycling.com/bikes-and-gear-features/2015-editors-choice/breezer-beltway-elite

Sure it’s got some sweet features like dynamo-powered lights and an internal hub.  But it’s handlebar has a mere 15mm of rise!  Pshaw!  You young whippersnappers with some disposable income can have it.  The Old B and me will be just fine just the way we were are!

Soggy saddles charge!

April 4, 2015

Hey Easter!  Hey people! 

Do you like to sing loudly and/or yell stuff while you are bicycling and/or motoring?  Yes?!  Me too!  Here is one thing that I was hollering for at least 10 minutes or so a couple weeks back.

It was fun, but it was even funner when I was whizzing at moderately fast speeds going downhill.   For safety reasons I did not record a video of that situation!  Speaking of safety, have you seen these sweet helmets?

Which one is that?  You will know when he is slicing the paw off your curious pooch with his katana down by the pond!  

Do you remember that sweet laser light I mentioned a while back?  No?  Well, it was pretty nice, but the bracket didn’t hold it on my seatpost very well and now it is gone.  So it was fun while it lasted. 

April 17, 2015

So what else is happening?  Have you been out to enjoy some lovely pedal time?  How about reading and/or viewing stuff about bikes to get amped for some pedaling of your very own? 

Here is a piece by my erstwhile mentor whom I have never met, but who is always welcome to stop by to visit Mr. Bike Snob NYC.  In it he cleverly pastiches together a dystopian image of unreality in which bicycles and cars are no longer the best of cheery happy friends.  Yesterday a girl yelled at me from her open car window as I was bicycling merrily along upon our glorious multi-use trails.  Her words were, “Have a nice riiiiiiide!”  Indeed my springy exhorter!  Exhort away!

Ah, peace, harmony, springy intoxication!  Let’s all ride about with joy, without cares!  Just be careful if you happen to be riding in a crosswalk in Nebraska, because if you are hit you may be sentenced to community service detailing the cars of people who have had their God-given right to turn right without noticing pesky 2-wheeled mossy-like gnomes galumphing recreationally off to Funville ingloriously defiled by ungrateful galoots.  Here is more about this –

As you may already know, bicyclers who have the misfortune to suffer a collision with a motor vehicle in a crosswalk here in Nebraska are not likely to have much legal recourse under existing state laws.  As I understand it, a bicycler struck by a motorist in a crosswalk can’t sue the motorist.  But the bicycler may be liable for having the gall to ride across the beautiful pavement that is intended for enjoyment by the mighty stewards of freedom we reverently refer to as our mobile auto-eroticisers.  Thank you legislators for reminding me that bicycles belong on the side of the road where I am less likely to “Have a nice riiiiiide!” because traffic is whizzing by me at 45 words of texting per minute!  Ay yi yi!  What a world! as my Uncle Sol used to extoll.  Ay yi yi indeed!

Wild Mediocrity and Drones!

March 22, 2015

Dear Diary,

You would not believe the amazing past one to few weeks I’ve had!   Have you ever noticed something that has been around for a long time but you don’t notice it for an almost as long time?  Well, there is this cool Hindu temple that I often ride in the general vicinity of, just a few streets over!  I never really noticed how close I was to it because I was keeping my eyes on the road!  Also it isn’t really visible when those pesky leaves are hanging around.  Here is a nice view of it.

Once I noticed it, I decided to stop by for a close up.  

It was at that time that a drone was also flying over, undoubtedly observing those suspicious Hindus.  

 Look out drones!  You know that Ganesh broke off one of his tusks to throw it at the moon when it was taunting him!  He’s still got one whole tusk left!

It is also now officially spring and people are out and about, some astride bicycles.  

Here is one bicycler that was the first spring bicyclist of many more to come to pass me by with a jaunty “On your left!” 

With all this excitement happening, it’s hard to sleep at night sometimes, which has driven my caffeine intake upwards, which makes it even more difficult to sleep.

Well I have heard a lot of talk about getting out for some bicycling lately.  This is not unusual for spring.  Here are some tips for spring bicycling.

1. Wear a pollen mask.
2. Wear flowers in your helmet holes – it will make people smile instead of running you over, but if they do run you over then you will at least look nice when the ambulance gets there.
3. Spring to it! 

For those of us who enjoy some group bicycling, there are a few of those coming up soon –

1. Bike for Sight on April 25
2. Omaha H, W, & F Expo events April 11-12 (Gran Fondue, bicycle riding, biathlon [no rifles or skis required])

Sometimes it seems that there are not enough movies and tv shows about transexuals.  Sure there is Rocky Horror, The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Venus Boyz, and Becoming Chaz.  But luckily there is also a mini-series that I rented from the library last week about a transexual hit woman named Mia called Hit & Miss.  It stars Chloe Sevigny who is an actress and also a former model.  And to top that all off, she's also an avid bicycler.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2398686/Chlo-Sevigny-sticks-usual-quirky-style-tie-dye-denim-skirt-cycles-town-dashing-boyfriend.html

The show's not that new, but then again, neither are any good rock and roll albums.  Here's an older folk song that's not that great either.  

But the dancing and the stage presence is what counts!  

If ya like new stuff, here's a new bicycle wheel design using springs instead of spokes.  Just stay away from the new Drive by Truckers album because it ain't that good.

Let's ride!

Ice-warming thoughts and occurrances

March 4, 2015

Hey homebodies!  What is your 411?  Zoiks! 

Here is a photo of the bike multi-use trail the day before yester.  

A. or 

Here is a photo of the street this a.m.  

B.

Which one is slipperier? 

What, I can’t here you?  Oh, here let me try this.  Please click on either the A or the B relating to your choice.  If you are correct you will see my favorite ever J Roddy Waltham youtube video ever!  If you are incorrect you will see a King Khan and the BBQ Show youtube video for which I apologize profusely in advance.

That is correct!  It was sooo sliipeeeerrryyyyy!  I slipped and slid and fell and walked and rode on the grass.  Luckily I had my trusty SPD cleats (with nicely worn down rubber so as not to interfere with the bite) to dig into the ice a bit.  

Also, as often happens, I thought of something that I should have done, but only after I was no longer bicycling/walking.  I could have let some air out of my tyres to increase their contact area!  Here are some other helpful icycling tips.

What is news?  Oh, yes.  Here’s something else in addition.  I read an article in Outsidemagazine about some alleged conflict between bicyclers and motorists.  What?!  Why a week or so ago a few motorists gave me a friendly honk to warn me of icy conditions and simultaneously encourage me in my lonely bicycling ways.  How do I know this was the intent of their honkiness, you might be asking?  Well, I chased them down and yelled at them while screaming inchoately at their steering wheels in a jealous rage of human-powered frenzy.  Haha!  Not really.  It just seemed friendly, and they were short honks, not long angry honks.  

Also, a motorist just waved at me for no particular reason on my homeward jaunt this eve.  It was grand! 

As if that were not enough life-affirmingness for one day, I also took a photo of a local mountain range that looks like it might be good for ice climbing.

How about them current events?  International Women’s Day is on the way!  Go women!  And as an ass-side, I would like to apologize to the women who I hurt throughout my life.  As Chop Top Sawyer would say, “Dog will hunt!”  And as I would say, you are better off without me (not including you, Mrs. Snot)!  It has been my experience that men are generally not as nice as women.  Women are generally awesome.  Let’s check out Harry’s update on the situation:

 Let’s all ride bicycles, party and get whooooooo!