Gong forth!

July 20, 2016

Salutations citizens!  Hark unto me!  I exhort you to further thine bicycling prowess!  

Thanks, Thor.  He just stopped by to make fun of me drink some mead. 

 

https://militantcyclist.wordpress.com

What are you doing?  Yeah!!  I’ll be over in 36. 

I am hear here to say thanks to Scott Redd and all who helped organize the enjoyable GONG Ride this past Saturday.  It was great!  There were two options – 22 miles or 45 miles.  Since the ride started at 8:54...p.m.(!?!), I was keen to finish in time to get a good night’s rest so that I wouldn’t be even more irritable than usual.  The 22 mile ride was primarily on gravelly roads and the MoPac Trail.   There was a nice stop in Louisville at Good Times, a very nice bar with lots of bar games, including darts, pool, and shuffleboard!  That’s right!  If I lived any closer I’d be there right now!  Also thanks to Dave and his family for allowing us to hang out and park on his country manor. 

I arrived early to mingle and to hit the gong.  Very satisfying.  I met some people and witnessed many intrepid livers pitching tents hither and yon.  Before long it was time for a safety briefing and course(s) summary by the organizers.  

Then we were off for a fairly flat, easy, and relaxing jaunt through the country shire.  As we began, I overheard a formidable and gregarious gravel-riding mainstay, whom I shall refer to as “Robbie,” state that tyres containing low-pressures were just as fast as those encapsulating high-pressures.  More inflation just meant you feel the bumps more and you feel like you’re going faster.  Hmmmm.  I like the sound of this young man’s bold philosophy.  

Upon arriving in Louisville I promptly toppled over after being unable to unclip from my left pedal.  It turns out the cleat screws were loose!  “Screw those loose cleats!”  I thought with inaccurate salaciousness.  Then we made it to the bar for some delicious salty popcorn and local beers.  Afterwards, it didn’t take long to ride the MOPAC back to the gravel rode a couple miles from our starting point.  When it was all over with I sat around by the fire and enjoyed a few more beers before retreating to my (sub)urban garrison. 

So that was great.  And the other riders I met were nice and sociable.   

On the daily commute, I’ve encountered some fairly thin mud flats on sidewalks that become pretty slick every other day (sprinkler days!  Yay!).  

I know, it looks harmless.  But it gets really slippery!  Whoa-aaaahh!

So I am gradually spending more and more time bicycling in roads, which is typically a little easier, faster, and not as messy.  That’s what Michael Scott said.

 

http://www.peopleforbikes.org/page/-/blog/stevecarell_new.jpg

Shortly after nearly becoming de-steeded on the mud flats, I noticed an unsettling irregularity in my rear brake.  For a couple days I was thinking my new wheels from my stepmom were a ripoff and that I would have to call up Amazon and get her money back in order to restore our family honour.  But after a couple days of consideration and not being able to use my rear brake I actually stopped and examined my rear wheel.  Here is what I found.

Perhaps that is why my worn-out brake pads exhibited uneven wear. worn-outness . 

Previously I assumed the grooved rim provides better stopping power because it might provide a way for moisture to get channeled away from the brake pad(?), but I never really considered it a potential trench for embedding the fearsome halberds  of the troll warriors of the bicycling world – dried, concrete-like mud!

Have at thee, knave!  I’ll bicycle thee into submission!

Impending triumphal archness!

June 25, 2016

Hello my bicycling friends!  A sweet, sweet blessing upon your home and bicycle(s).  

I finished a quick lap over at Tranquility Park earlier today.  It was sweet!  I did not approach any of the log rides, nor did I make it up the Big Dipper, but I was satisfied nonetheless.  I also did not take any photos, but that’s fine because you should all get out there for yourselves and check it out if you haven’t recently.  T.H.O.R. continues to do a great job of maintaining and improving this fabulous trail system right in the midst of our fair to middlin’ city.

But you have heard about this before, I reckon.  Were you; however, aware of the following?!:

Item A)  South OmahaTrail has taken another step towards completion.  Final completion date estimated September of this year.  When this trail is complete it will be a milestone in the development of our triumphant city’s trail system.  An east-west trail in a fairly central part of the city will offer a nice commuting/travelling option to bicyclers who prefer to avoid some of the business that can occur along main thoroughfares.  I feel that this completion event will be triumphant enough to warrant a triumphal arch of some sort.  I will be busy preparing a possible design for this arch and I invite you to do likewise.  We’ll invite Mayor Jean over to my place (hmmm, hmmm, hmmm!?) to give her some posterboards, wine, cheese, and hors d’ovoures to convince her of the importance of this monument. 

Item B)  My role model Rich has informed me that he will participate in the upcoming GONG ride, organized by the committed and capable Scott Redd.  As one who is not always afraid to do things just because his friends do them, I plan on signing up too!  It should be great!  It’s at night, it’s on gravel, and you don’t have to ride for 60 miles if you don’t want to!  Let’s get it on!

Item C)  Mrs. Snot told me that July 31 is Family Bicycling Day!  It seems too good to be true (I think she may have made it up).  That's okay though.  You may be able to make this up too and coerce your family into bicycling with you too!  Ah!  I am savoring the joy of this upcoming event even just thinking of it now!  When I repeatedly asked for my family to bicycle with me in the past (most recently on Father's Day) they avoided the subject or scoffed, but I think this might be the real deal!  I will head out into the garage to pump up their tyres just as soon as I finish savoring the thought of this event, drinking more beer, maybe eating some popcorn and watching some tv. 

So that’s all I wanted to say.  Here’s a nice video to enjoy if you like.  Let’s pedal!

Great and Awful Gravel Redux and Loving It!

June 19, 2016

Greetings and congratulations!  Congratulations for participating in the latest edition of the Good Life Gravel Gran Fondo or for another accomplishment that you have recently achieved.  I once again participated in this adventure.  It was magnificent and I owe a sincere debt of gratitude to Mr. R Doloto and his accomplices in gritty greatness.

Navigational system?  Check!

Have you ever heard about “the right tool for the job”?  When I lived in Phoenix my neighbor claimed to be handy with painting.  I turned my trailer into a paint booth and put a flesh-colored coat of paint on my motorcycle tank (of course no one made fun of me for riding around with a flesh-colored gas tank for a week before I got ready to add flames).  Then we applied some tape, drew flames on the tape and he cut the shapes out delicately.  But not delicately enough to keep from cutting lines in the new paint.  He was summarily dismissed and I found some skinny and flexy tape that I could use to draw on my sweet flames.  

So, are Shifty and I the right set of tools for the fantastic GLGGF?  You decide.

Here are some things that I experienced at this event:

• I pedaled with alacrity to make it to the SAG station (approximately 35 miles in) before its alleged closing time of 12:30 (my arrival time - 12:22). 
• Along the way I ingested something I purchased at Hy-Vee called Frog Fuel Ultra.  

My mid-ride snacking menu.

It tasted like a mix of urine, spooge, and nectar.  If you are now laughing at me because I know what urine and spooge taste like, please, get off (on) your high horse.  The urine was because I was trying to impress Gwyneth Paltrow to get her to go out with me when I was living on Hollywood Boulevard, and the spooge was just my own and completely by accident.  It was!  So, I think it should be called My Sweet, Sweet, Froggy Spooge.  I merely baked my froggy love in a jersey pocket for a couple hours, chugged, grimaced, and kept on pedaling.  Feeling good!

• I began using my granny gear after about mile 20, with increasing frequency as the ride progressed.  This is also when I started changing words to popular songs to go along with events/turns I experienced on the ride (exciting video presentation to follow!)  Here is my list of songs with variations inspired by GLGGF:

1. 1.     Hello Dolly -> Hello Granny (Gear)
2. 2.     Twist of Cane -> Right on Kane (Ave)
3. 3.     Mercy Seat -> Montague Street (it’s really an Ave, but hey, haven’t you hear of artistic hack’s license?!)
4. 4.     Cum on Feel the Noize -> Take a Left on Noyes

• I took a Coke from the SAG stop to take with me.  A nearby rider queried “Is that good for you?” to the Coke pusher.  His self-assured answer was “yes.”

By the time I had reached SAG haven I had downed all of my (70+24+21 = a lot ozzies of) fluid.

The SAGers (I think it was a gang from the Trek stores and a few of their kids) expediently filled all three of my water containment devices whilst I wobbled about dazedly.  They also provided me with their own private stock of kid-friendly sunblock, which likely saved me from lapsing into the dangerous realm of heat exhaustion.

I bent over to pick up my bike and I pulled a muscle on the lower right side of my back.  Fortunately this affliction didn’t seem to pain me much during my sluggish pedaling on the “down” side of the event.  Maybe if I'd followed through on my plan to do some abdominal exercises instead of drinking beer and eating pizza to prepare for this event I wouldn't have been annoyed by this occurrence.  Sigh.  If only.

• I met a policeman, whom I shall call Nick, who informed me that he is going to enjoy this ride in North Dakota on August 6 (with a reasonable 6 a.m. start time).  He was a lively conversationalist and helped me get my mind off my sore back.  He also rode away from me on his Salsa Vaya once we got to one of the many steep hills on a minimum maintenance road.  Speaking of MMRs, these were the coolest I've experienced - some were practically tunnels of loess.  He even stopped at the top of a rise to make sure I was on my way!  Thanks Nick!  He gave a good review of the local organization we call Project Harmony.
• A guy had wisely decided not to finish.  He appeared from behind a bush, much like the infamous Prowler described by heavy metal troubadours Iron Maiden, fronted at the time by one Paulus Di’Anno.  “Hey!”  he called.  I turned around and he asked me if I was going to try to finish.  When I answered affirmatively, he seemed a bit disappointed.  I think he was going to offer me a ride, since he stated that he’d contacted someone to come and get him.  He clearly recognized my relative weakness, unhealthy pallor, and preternatural slowness.  But, like many self-absorbed, stubborn dick-tators before me, I refused to step down in spite of this vote of no confidence.  Instead, I pedaled ever more slowly onwards. 

It was around this time that I started anticipating the impending finish.  We were about 47 miles in, and I felt that we were within striking distance.  I must admit that during this stretch of bicycling there was a time when I was feeling a bit queasy and, for a few moments, I thought I might even forego a beer at the end of the ride.  Luckily, this was not to be.

• I made it to the finish in a mere 7 hours or so and received a joyous welcome!  Thanks everyone (Rafal, Trek stores owner and ambassadors, and everyone else who made this possible and fun)! 
• On the way back to my car I congratulated two fat bike riders who finished slightly before and after me, respectively.  “Good work Fatties!” I stated, “That was amazing!”  “Heh” one of them stated noncommitedly (which was preferential to being pumelled by him for my ill-conceived and easily misconstrued attempt at camaraderie). 

And now, without further ado, here is my long-winded, as usual, celebratory video montage to commemorate the event.   If you don't have 14 1/2 minutes to spare you might want to skip ahead to my favorite part at about 11:20.

Other things I have recently noted:

• I think that some of these organized rides (e.g., Wear Yellow – at which I received no pancakes) are phasing out riders like me (i.e., slow, old, whiny and too-busy-to-ride-much riders) at least for their high-mileage options.  How dare they!?  I guess they don’t need a cantankerous coot like me collapsing on the side of the road, demanding beer and muscle relaxers and plenty of both.
• This ride started at 9:00.  I think they want us to suffer (and they’re trying to phase me out, as stated above).  

Well, that is all for now from this sore but happy correspondent.  There is plenty of other bicycle-related excitement coming right up, which you probably are already aware of.  If not, I'll be back in a jif or two to elaborately explainorate.  

In the meantime, please enjoy some gravel awfulness and greatness at your next opportunity and send your complaints to someone on a rural route.  Bonjour avec accentes sit vous plais! 

Anticipate the gravel

June 17, 2016

Well, it is now Good Life Gravel Granny Fonda Eve.  Although I made a plan, I have not been able to accomplish all of my planned actions.  Here is a summary.

 My plans for blasting included the following:

1. 1.     Realize that the ride is occurring approximately one week before event.  Yes, I did this part.  Yay me!
2. 2.     Do a few push-ups and abdominal exercises to give my lower back some limberness/strength to help withstand a long, bumpy day in the saddle.  Did not do this.  Too busy drinking beer and eating pizza.
3. 3.     (Carefully ) Do a few laps on an off-road trail to try to regain some of my formerly moderate bike-handling skills (whilst remaining uninjured for upcoming gravel ride).  Did a short ride on some ATV trails and associated bottomlands.
4. 4.     Think about how awesome it will be again this year, even though it is 10 or so miles longer and I haven’t been riding quite as much as last year.   Yes, but I have also begun to realize this will be quite a challenge for me.  Make or brake/break it time!

Although I did not entirely complete my plan, I did make a new one.  That is to reach the SAG stop before it closes at around 12:30!  As the course-setter and GLGGF mastermind Mr. R Doloto stated in an e-mail to ride participants, that means I've got to ride at an average pace of 10 mph.  For me, that is pretty quick.  If I don’t get there, I guess I might still be okay, I’ll just have to try to find some water somewhere along the course. 

So, let’s get out there and Fondo it up right!  Wheee-ha!