Bran Voyage!

May 31, 2012

Has your uncle ever talked you into doing something that you have later wondered about?

Armed robbery? Some kind of illegal substance? Maybe going on the annual Bicycle Ride Across Nebraska? Yes! Mine too! So I will see you out on the highways and byways of our fairly husky Nebraska.

I don't think it will be as uncomfortable a jaunt as, say, a covered wagon. But it probably won't be quite as comfortable as cruising from Wyoming to Iowa would be on this mobile loveseat.

Or this extremely wide work pickup truck.

Ever thought of using something a little less bulky for your traffic monitoring activities Good Man?

Much like this pickup truck that has chosen to temporarily reside in an area not specifically designed for it, hundreds of us bicyclers will be flocking across the roads of Nebraska from June 3-9. Should be a fun time. What this means is that I will be unable to access the computer world wide bloggingville for quite some time. It will be tougher for me than you, I'm sure. I will try to be strong. Thank you for your indifference concern.
Here's all the stuff I've thrown onto the floor in preparation for packing up for the longish trip.

The only things I'm missing are my first aid kit and my camera's owner manual. So if I get some really gnarly road rash I won't be able to properly irrigate and dress my wounds, nor present to you a panoramic view of the carnage. Hmmm. I'm not sure which is worse. Actually I am sure that the woundedness is worse, but I have recently had a dream of taking a panoramic photo that I don't have to make panoramic by taping it together at slightly uneven sutures. Speaking of uneven sutures, I may just have to slap some Seam Grip on any wounds I or others nearby happen to incur. I think this might be the wounded cycling equivalent of using JB Weld to fix your exhaust manifold. Wish me luck, and I will be sure to give you a nauseatingly detailed recap of my ordeal adventure if when I return!

Bum Voyage!

Number me this, Bike Man!

May 29, 2012

An astute friend of mine has informed me that our own ho-humble berg of Umoho (aka Omaha) has been elevated to the lofty status of #36 in Bicycling magazine's top 50 bicycling cities in the US list! Bravo Umohoans! We are moving on up! Last year we were #42 or #43 or so, which I think is still pretty good, since there are lots of cities in the US meeting Bicycling magazine's criteria of 100,000+ populations, geographically dispersed (i.e., not just every city with populations between 100,000 and whatever size San Francisco is in California). Based on the expository paragraph included in the list, Omaha seems to specialize primarily in recreational bicycling opportunities. Touche con accento, oh wise purveyors of bicycling information and news. Touche con accento y itlaliacs tambien.

While #42 in 2011 wasn't bad for Omaha, the rest of our state hasn't done quite as well. Nebraska received a less than stellar #43 in the League of American Bicyclists bicycle-friendly states list. Well, that's not great. But many of us Nebraskiiers will not sit still for this type of rep. Approximately 600 of us will sit and pedal our spandex-clad asses across our beloved Cornplex in the upcoming event known as the Bicycle Ride Across Nebraska. I personally hope to spread serious amounts of goodwill and interest in bicycle-oriented actions by demonstrating that men in spandex are also willing to share their emotions with the sensitive people of small to medium sized towns of our prairie home. Yes, I am sure that many Nebraskans would like to have a good, heart to heart talk with a potentially inebriated man in spandex or a skirt about their feelings towards roads, transportation, families, pets and vegetable gardens. I am on my way, fellow Nebraskans! Meet me at your local watering hole. Or just pull over at the nearest BRAN rest stop.  I'll be the one bitching about a lack of vegetarian options.  Hell, we might even make #50 #41 by next year! Two wheels 2 power!

Jaunt through the shire? Indubitably!

May 28, 2012

Quite a day for a venture out into the countryside, eh chaps and chappettes? Indeed. Indeed! We started off to the northwest where we were quickly embroiled in some teenage relationship-related sightings. First was a question, "Prom?" painted on the road. Then a further, longer-term query, "Will you be my girlfriend?" replete with some endearing artwork. You may take my word on these painted questions, but I was too busy trying to keep up with the carelessly powerfully-pedaling Rich to take any photos. Then we came across a partially folded, weathered adult magazine on the side of the road. Could this be related to the questions boldly inscribed across our country thoroughfare? If so, I am guessing the answer to these two questions was a double "no." Better luck next time.

As we continued our carefree meandering through the tranquil countryside, we came across a party readying to disembark upon a pleasant voyage upon the Elkhorn River.

By this time we were parched, and fortunately we came across the hamlet of Waterloo, which was hosting a motorized bicycling event.

We refilled our bottles, ate some light provisions before ambling about for a quick look-see of the environs.

This seemed like a good destination for a future outing, Rich and I agreed heartily. We smiled about amiably, I, like a doltish squire, he, like a confident country earl. Must this damned serfdom linger in my blood eternally!? "Forsooth, nay!?" says I, confusedly.

On our return trip, we happened upon a sheltered glade within the quiet settlement of Elk City, where I became inexplicably fascinated with this building.

Rich informed me that it was an old school, which would be an invigorating renovation project for some entrepreneurial soul. Hmmm. Pain in the arse, methinks.

After returning to my home, I quickly retired to my computing machine to check on the results of the Giro d'Italia. It appears that the Giro is over, and the winner was a Canadian bicyclist known as Ryder Hesjedal. I don't know what his real name is, but that's a pretty cool bicycling name. I am informed that he is the first Canadian to win a Grand Tour.  I guess Svein Tuft's victory at the 2007 U.S. Open Cycling Championships was not a precursor of impending grandness. 

Damn.  I was so sure about you, Svein.  Maybe you should've made up a cool-ass bicycling name.

Purple poop

May 24, 2012

Hey booty shakers. And the rest. My booty hasn't been too active lately, as I've experienced a preview of what is likely to come after being inducted into the 4-0 years old club. Sometimes I person can get to feeling like this Corsica looks.

That car makes me feel a little better about how the Old Bastard's held up these past 20 years.  As can happen at times like this, I have been experiencing minor joint pain and shortages of essential minerals. I have been trying to take it easy and eat lots of shellfish, so I should be fine (or maybe nauseous) shortly.  And to top it off, I got pooped on by a bird today.

Pretty good shot, bird butt. Pretty gooot. But as they say incessantly around these parts, "It's better to be shit on by a bird than shit out by a bear." (Pronounced "baaar!" with excited fear). I have noticed that bird poop tends to be very purple this time of year. Much like these succulent mulberries,

Just the succulent ones are purple

which I devoured with the clumsy eagerness of a hungry baaar!
 After being shit on, I stopped at the grocery store to purchase some beer. I told the cashier that my wife says it's good luck to be shit on by a bird, but that I suspected she was just trying to make people feel better. The cashier responded that, "No, it's not good luck. It happens to my sister all the time. It's just dumb luck."

So now that I am home in my comfortable home, let's see what's going on via the safety of the miracle we refer to as the "world-wide web." I don't think I need to check the standings to state that J. "el Punto" Rodriguez Oliver is still obnoxiously leading the Giro d'Italia. Showy Spaniard. Whew.  That foray into professional cycling news has got me winded just thinking about the speeds, distances, etc. 

Lots of people bicycling around these days.  Possibly getting ready for a 3 to 4-day weekend.  Bastards.  I hope a baarr bird poops on them!  Good luck!  And don't forget to eat your shellfish and mulberries!

Road dogs

May 22, 2012

Here is a story about a man who loves his 33 lb, steel frame, single-speed bicycle so much that he wanted to take it to the top of Everest. I can definitely relate to this man, because I love the Old Bastard so much that I occasionally hose him off. Take that, you heavy bastard! The only way OB's getting to the top of any high peaks is if he gets melted down and turned into 12 ice axes with which I will equip our scout troupe for the expedition. It makes a person wonder, though. What makes any of us tick?

It depends on a variety of factors, I suppose. One of the things that causes me to twitch tick is getting out for some traveling. This often involves roads, bicycles, some tunes, and motorized vehicles. Yep. Summer and many of us will be out on some type of road ride/trip. Here is a song about being on the road.

You know who had a pretty good road trip, in the form of winning the time trial at the Tour de California? USian cyclist, David Zabriskie! Yep. He is also the man who started a group known as "Yield to Life." They promote cycling awareness. DZ's got a personal interest in this cause as he's been hit by vehicles while bicycling 3 times. If you donate to the organization might even send you some sweet Y2L socks! Cha-ching!

If you are riding a bicycle on the road, please be aware that a dog may bark at you. Possibly even give chase and attempt some unwanted biting. You can't be too careful. Especially this week, as I have been informed that it is "National Dog Bite Prevention Week."

If you are driving a vehicle on the road, you might also want to look out for dogs and bicycles and especially bicycles being chased by dogs because neither is likely to be thinking rationally. Get your ragin' road trip on safely travelers! Whoo!

Wearing Yellow in BRANticipation

May 19, 2012

Have you ever had a dream that you didn't know you had come true? I hadn't either until I heard the gospel of the high-fat diet, during the recent Wear Yellow Ride. This good news was delivered to me by the unassuming, powerfully pedaling, genial gadfly whom I shall refer to as "Roy", lest he be mobbed by curious would-be disciples in search of more information about this glorious revelation. Similar to the Adkin's diet, this diet teaches that carbs are generally evil and that steak, eggs, and macadamia nuts are the building blocks of a strong-burning, bicycle-propelling engine that won't bonk. Although I am in no condition to undertake a diet of any sort (mentally, that is), if I were to try one, this one seems pretty good. Roy and his wife "Gloria" have been on this type of diet for 12 years now and they love it! He recommended the book Good Calories, Bad Calories for further information. Roy and Gloria will also be participating in the upcoming BRAN adventure, which Roy described as "a hoot," and so I look forward to hearing more about this heretical theory of nutrition during the upcoming sojourn across the flattish lands.

The Wear Yellow Ride was a good one, although the wind was quite forcefully present. The bicyclists were amiable. The route featured a fair variety of roads. Busy ones, peaceful ones, smooth ones, hilly ones and churchy ones.



The classic church/cemetary/country road combo.  Bikes with that?



I found myself riding in a group that was somewhat slower than my preferred pace on a climby section with iffy shoulders and so I made a push ahead so that I could ride along without having to pass other bicyclers to make my way in the world.

Sweet freedom! I made it home with some tired legs and a yellow t-shirt. And a few bike photos.

This Salsa Fargo looks like a pretty comfy long rider.

I received my BRAN informational kit in the mail yesterday. There is a booklet with route profiles and local places of potential interest, coupons, etc. I think it looks pretty good and I will let you know more after I give it a more thorough perusal. Speaking of perusing, I have recently been perusing the Independent Fabrication website, which features a number of sweet-ass, domestically produced, hand-made bicycles at fairly reasonable prices. I also discovered that a local bicycle shop, Bike Masters, apparently can facilitate a purchase of an IF bicycle if one were so inclined. I will try to find out some more about this and get right back to you, IF you are interested.

What else is going on around these parts these days? Well, take a look at some signage and maybe you'll find something fun! Karate cheerleading.

 Politics. Music.

Here is an upcoming bicycling event that looks to be somewhat physically/logistically challenging.

So chew on some fat and chew the fat with some fellow bicyclers sometime and you may find yourself full of enlightment! Or something.
BS

Communities and 'cakes

May 18, 2012

Whoa! What the heck has been happening!? It's May, that's what! Mulberries starting to ripen.



I call this piece "Cigarette and Mulberries on Cracked Pavement."

 Crazy bicycling stuff everywhich way and in between! I have been bicycling about more than usual, although I didn't ride my bicycle to work today (although I did make it to the old clog repair shop to cobble away the day) even though it was apparently Bike to Work Day. Here are some of the highlights from a recent crosstown excursion that I took to enjoy some camaraderie and atmosphere at the Brazenhead Pub and Restaurant. The band was the Dicey Rileys, and they played with poise and aplomb. One of my favorites was "The Banks of the Papio."

Have you ever noticed that sometimes things remind you of other things? Here is a photo.

"Turkey on Plywood"

What does it look like to you? If you answered along the lines of a striped or ridge-backed, long-necked animal of some sort, than I am thinking like you. Pretty weird, eh? Howzabout this one.

Yes! A buried R2-D2 and upside down C3-PO leg! Kind of like the horror of Cloud City, re-revisited! The horror in high definition is so highly horrific! Arrggh!

Some peoples make a living by making things that resemble other things. We call these peoples wizards. Or artificers. Or was it artists? Something like that. Here is a neat concrete bridge support that was painted up to look like a subway!

"Subway Painting on Keystone Trail"

Pretty cool, eh? I love me some community-based art. Murals, too. Happy times, indeed. Let's all get artistic!

What kind of bicycling have you been up to these days? Yes. I am going to participate in a bicycle ride called the "Wear Yellow Ride" tomorrow. In fact, I should probably be resting up for it right now, but I'm just too damn excited!  I went on it last year, and had a great time, but I got a flat and missed out on the post-ride revelry. Luckily the pancake man still made me some cakes, so I didn't have to have a temper tantrum. That was close. Hopefully this time I'll get back in time for some socializing to go along with my hotcakes. What name do you prefer for your flapjacks? I love me some 'cakes. Cakes and community art.

And camping. I set up a tent in my basement last night in anticipation of doin' some camping.

Where will I be camping? you may be asking yourself? No? Well, I will tell you anyway. I will be camping during my participation in the annual Bicycle Ride Across Nebraska on June 3-9. Maybe some other places too. Maybe I'll try my hand at some community art. And eat alot of griddlecakes.

I went to visit the friendly folks at The Bike Way today. They do bike fittings that seem to be popular.  I got plenty of friendly help. And they even gave me a free bike box to pack Shifty in for our trip out to Minatare, Nebraska where we will begin our return trip back here to Homaha for BRAN. Last time I got me a bike box, I paid like $20 for it in Seattle. And that was 1991!? What the f@#k!? Homaha, you're alright by me. Let's eat cakes! And throw in some mulberries. What? No mulberries. That's alright. Here, I've got some in my jersey pockets. Mmmmmmm.