Indian Cave Spiders ATTACK!

August 6, 2011

Occasionally I feel the need to get out into nature to enjoy some mental and spiritual recharging. Although I will not provide all the details, I will say that it was very spidery and sweaty at the edge of the Missouri River floodwaters at Indian Cave State Park.

No paw paws or flying squirrels were to be seen, either. We were able to find an open backpacking camping site only a few minutes in on the aptly named trail 10 (10 for 10 out of 10 on the southeast Nebraska steepness scale [SENSS]).

This would likely translate to Class 1+ hiking on the Yosemite scale. I have never been to Yosemite, but I hear that people are falling off of Half Dome in record numbers. I am sorry to hear it. I will try to get out there to remedy the situation as soon as they hire me as an honorary deputy ranger. Please just mail me the plastic badge and open-ended plane ticket (preferably Southwest). I will utilize a Yosemite Sam style approach to dealing with the public that I am sure will be both endearing and effective.

We were able to find a camping site because no one else was out feeling the heat of nature in early August in buggy southeast Nebraska. We showed our total disregard for common sense by arriving at around 3:30, just 30 minutes before the hottest part of the average day.  We got a late start due to my curious but clueless attempts to setup a new-fangled gadget called a global positioning service.  Although I plugged it into my computer and an electrical outlet (not at the same time, because it's kind of early in our relationship to get kinky like that).  Any-hoo, this globular positronic slide (GPS) was stymieing my gallant efforts at becoming a technocratic, outdoorsy renaissance wannabe.  It was a fruitless endeavor due to the fact that I couldn't get the correct Active-X pop up to appear.  (But I can where it counts, in the bedroom, thanks to this nutritional supplement).  We actually did encounter one other intrepid traveler, but I'm pretty sure he was the owner of the car from Pennsylvania (or an equivalent state), and therefore can't be blamed for his choice in recreational activities.

Here I am incoherently muttering and swinging a stick at the hundreds of spider-occupied webs in the path like an entire university's collection of those door-beads that college students used to adore and perhaps still do - I wouldn't know, because I haven't been invited to a college party for awhile, but if you'd like to invite me, I'll be over at 8 with the sake bombs (but I gotta be back by midnight or so).

Just make sure it's a properly ragin' party, cause I don't stay up late for no lame-ass parties, very often anyway, because I don't stay up late very often period.

I used to visit the hills of Indian Cave as a mountain biker, but I did not encounter any mountain bicyclists during our 1.5-day stay. I would often descend hills rapidly and bent many wheels in my thrill-seeking days of yore. Currently I do not thrill-seek as a habit, I more or less thrill-fabricate and thrill-reminisce: less high impact and nearly as rewarding. We also used a potent form of insect repellent that contained 95.5% DEET, and we finished each ride off by taking a shot of that hard stuff. Mmmm-YAARGH! Although the Deep Woods Off that we used didn't tingle the way the 95% did, I did find an herbal substitute with a lovely minty smell and a tingly finish. Herbal Armor - pretty good stuff for repelling the mosquitoes.

We also saw many hill frogs.

We also saw some Indian Cave Sandstone.

The actual Indian Cave appeared to be accessible only by wading or bushwhacking, neither of which we were prepared to undertake. We staggered back out to our parking spot and were just in time to purchase a delicious apple pie and cold pops at the bake sale by the old-timey/reenactment area.

Indian Cave, you haven't seen the last of the likes of me!