Thanks for the help!

September 20, 2011

Warning: this post is a bit on the messy side.

I occasionally lapse into a kind of lethargic guilt-funk, brought on, more often than not, by heavy drinking and the embarrassing release of some kind of bodily fluid. Well, I'm starting to feel better now, and I think I'll be back to normal after I get this out of my system (again). I feel a need to purge myself of these feelings, much like I purged my stomach of three liters of German beer after my somewhat embarrassing adventure out into our local Oktoberfestivities.

I was so excited about Oktoberfest and Friday that I left work, grabbed a sandwich and headed to the local German American Society.

I bumped into some people I knew, consumed a delicious Warsteiner dunkel, and kind of wandered about. As a progressed into a Spaten Oktoberfest, some friends and family arrived, ready to get festive.

By the time I had finished another Oktoberfest I was feeling pretty good....until I went outdoors and tried interacting with the outside world. Waves of nausea alternated and coincided with waves of jack-assery as I floundered about like a penguin at a sand volleyball game. I apparently tackled a sign and tore my pants (I bet a good pair of lederhosen would've held up!), lost my glasses twice and splashed (i.e., vomited), mostly outside my buddy Rich's truck. Here I am feeling nauseous and resting on a dumpster.

On Monday I managed to forget to zip up the Old Bastard's fanny pack and my wallet was once again (I lost it once a few months ago as described here) disgorged unceremoniously from OB's backside. I got the wallet back a couple hours later when a kind man with a youthful moustache arrived at my house. He refused a reward, although if you change your mind, stop on by again and I will make you a peanut butter and tomato sandwich, mmmmm! Thanks again man.

Some people seek out risks. Others avoid them. Today, I was reminded that risk is sometimes not a choice. This situation is demonstrated by most Jackie Chan movies, where Jackie is going about his regular life until he suddenly has to fight and/or flee large gangs of heavily armed villains. Spoiler alert- this video is 13 minutes long...

Today risk found me in the form of an ugly, double-headed monster known as severe flatulence coupled with diarrhea, or flaturrhea. I am not sure what brought this on, but I wonder if it might've been the large amounts of Kentucky Wonder Beans from the garden I've been consuming steadily for the past few days.

Well, the week's admittedly been off to a bumpy start, but I've got some clean pants and a few pairs of wheels, and lots of help from the rest of humanity. See you on the road, or maybe by the dumpster...