Savage sports! Grrr!

August 6, 2012

As a self-proclaimed man of moderate action, it may come as no surprise to you that in addition to my bicycle commuting habit, I also occasionally engage in other outsidey activities such as the following:

1. brisk walking with an occasional spontaneous burst of unfettered slow jogging
2. poorly executed telemark skiing (midlife crisis-based)
3. climbing (boldly barely seconding rock and ice routes whenever I get the chance [i.e., hardly ever])

Outsidey activities are generally enjoyable in direct proportion to the amount of perceived risk involved. That is why risk management is a subject many outsidey folks (as well as investment advisors) are interested in. Activities that involve the risk of life and/or limb are usually pretty damn fun. Nowadays I generally frown emphatically at the thought of engaging in activities which I perceive as presenting more than a moderate risk. I think it's mostly perspective.

It is the third item of the list that I was focused on during a recent stop in the 39th and Vinton area.

Here there were many people gathered to engage in some grain elevator/silo climbing. Routes appeared significantly longer (and necessarily straighter) than those available at other climbing wall venues here in town (i.e., UNO HPER Building and Lifetime Fitness). I took a few photos and poked around for a bit (a water cooler and some cookies along with a donation box caught my eye), and then a friendly fella named Jason stopped by to give me the rundown.  They've got some harnasses and shoes available for use.  It's faster to get roped up if you've got your own.  You'll get a lesson from one of the Silo people in knots and belaying procedures before they'll allow you to rope up.  Silo Climbing hours for most Sundays are posted here, and is free. The Silo people (sounds kinda creepy, eh?) are accepting donations to assist in getting the silos transformed from unused grain storage structure to local climbing hotspot completed, pay various fees and taxes, and get the venue adequately staffed by Silo people for general use. So if you've got a yen for gaining some elevation, get on down to SILO!  Allez! avec accente et marce d'exclamacion upsidownet, sil vous plais!  There is nothing like rending and devouring the living flesh of our enemies forming bands and clamboring up large stone (or limestone-based) husks of former civilazation to get us in touch with the spirit of our ancestral forbears.

Vaguely pursuant to my last post, did you know the Poms Lobsterbacks Brits are good at another "sport" besides cricket? Weird, what? Eh?  Cheerio!  Blimey!  Poor buggers and all that!  It seems to be true based on the multiple medals the UK has recently obtained in the arena velodrome of "track cycling." Yes, it's apparently a real thing. After some research I became aware that track cycling is a sport that encompasses several events, all of which involve pedaling a bicycle using maximum effing effort over a given distance/timespan. A certain type of track cycling (pursuit bicycle racing) apparently involves pursuing and (if possible) overtaking the enemy opponent. After the pursuit is complete, the winner is often seen to vault from their bicycle onto their prey opponent and draw some blood. In our sterile, whitewashed sporting world, the drawing of blood is a purely symbolic act and the removal and consumption of the still-beating heart (as in the dark, savage days of the Flintstones and Rubbles) has been disallowed. Phe! Stone age pursuit velocipedes (soon to be featured in the upcoming and misbegotten sequel to Year One, entitled [you guessed it] Year Two Wheels) were savage machines  built with the bones of the enemies and stone or skin-stuffed-skull "wheels" lashed together with human tendons and mammoth femurs and propelled down rocky hills and/or gulleys in a precursor to both pursuit and downhill bicycle racing. Yes, those savages may not have had flatscreen televisions, but boy could they suck the marrow out of their enemy's meaty life! 

I think that is moderately risky to say that the most famous track cyclist ever is Graeme Obree.  He was also quite a bicycle designer/fabricator/free-thinker as illustrated in the moderately decent film- The Flying Scotsman.

Well all that typing about high-risk activities has got me a thirstin' for the blood of my enemies a nice chilled glass of ginger beer.

Mmmmm. Look, there's still some chunks of ginger floating around in there!

Savage! Grrrrr!

Speaking of primordial urges. Here is an animal that I just had to shoot...

... a photo of! Tee-hee. No I didn't jump off of my bicycle and onto the frightened creature's back, sinking my canines (oops.  canines removed when I got braces) incisors into it's spinal cord like Lord Greystoke did in one of Edgar Rice Borroughs' best unpublished works, Tarzan, Beyond the Velodrome. I am no primal pursuit bicyclist. Sigh. They should put in some deer-crossing signs around Zee Lake, sil vous plais. Those fast, sporty bicyclists and the tame deer could come into some close, savage contact! Deer me! Ouch.