Happy Chanukah to you.Let’s piñata con tilda y menorahs, eh?
Additionally, let’s also get some jiggy down town with bicicletas, no? con
dos question marko reversos?
As you may have guessed, I’ve nearly finished watching
season 2 of Eastbound and Down.For
those of you who are not familiar with this series, Eastbound and Down is about
bicycling and baseball.It is also about
the Americas’ banana hammock we call Mexico.Let’s bailar!
I have also been toting around the energetic and engaging
Toddler Snot in his carriage of comfortable courage.Here ‘tis.
Yes, that is a Nashbar Kid Karriage 2II. Yes, it is awesome. And yes I will enumerate the reasons why in an upcoming review on Nashbar's website.
I have also been on bicycling in a beautiful area of
Wichita, Kansas that is know to locals as Miller’s Meadows.
It was fun.It also did not require much pedaling.Here is about as much relief in topography as
was available.
When I was a child my bro and neighbor friends would take
part in a fun game we liked to call pinecone wars.We would gather up a gaggle of cones, go to our separate hidey spots, and, after we all counted to 100 or so we would come out and seek
to beam one another with pinecones.Well, one race that should probably become popular at Miller’s Meadows
is one called the Hedge Apple Hulabaloo and/or the Osage Orange Outbreak.As you may have foreseen, this event would
entail hucking hedge apples and/or Osage oranges at each other while riding
bicycles through the tight,
twisty turns of M’s M.Now there’s a good way to liven up the flat!
I know it’s a lot to take in, but that is what I have been
up to.So there!As Kenny Power’s and/or Matthew McConaughey would say, “Suck your dream’s cock!”
Also, if your dream's cock happens to be working for a non-profit bicycling organization, please check out this sweet ass job opening. I would try to apply, but dealing with people in a motivating manner is not my forte con accente.
The seasons have changed and so too have the outlook of many
motorists.Impatience, I sense.Annoyance with my slowness and use of
multi-use trails crossing streets they feel.
Bicycle commuting to and from your daily destination and home
is generally a delightful experience.Now, I don’t know about you, because it seems like we never really talk
the way we used to, but for me it helps get going and feeling good about my
day.The morning ride in to the
inspector general’s office is unfailingly invigorating and enjoyable.However, on my homeward leg things
occasionally get a bit hectic.Motorists
may be inattentive and rushed.These are
things we have to work through together.I have recently tried modifying my route somewhat to avoid crossing an
intersection (near several bars and a gym) on the multi-use trail.The multi-use trail is kind of a mixed
blessing because it makes me feel calmer not being close to many whizzing motor
vehicles, but you are also not quite as visible to them as you are on the
road.I’ve had a few close calls there,
and, recently, one that was a bit closer than most. I took a day off and decided to try a new
route home that keeps me on the street through a busy intersection.So far I think it’s better and I feel more
comfortable and visible.
There is no doubt that bicycle commuting has its risks.Whenever I am discussing bicycle commuting
with others, danger is their primary concern.I think it is generally considered less safe than getting drunk on your
couch, but safer than BASE jumping.Omaha is generally considered a moderately good to moderately bad city
for bicycle commuting.Here are a few viewpoints:
Omaha motorists
are, well, assholes. The mentality here is that streets were designed for cars
and cars alone, and if you’re not in one, then get the hell out of the way.
Despite the city’s recent investment in creating “sharrows” and pseudo bike
lanes, even the most hardcore bicycle enthusiasts admit riding a bike on Omaha
city streets is dangerous. It’s only a matter of time before a careless driver
comes a bit to close and sends you ass over teakettle — or worse, pulls right
in front of you, launching you like a fragile paper doll over your handlebars
and the hood of their SUV.
If you haven’t
heard, Omaha, Nebraska, is now a hotbed of bicycle commuting, with a bike-share
program and an elegant cycling/pedestrian bridge spanning the Missouri River.
On the UNO
website there is a page dedicated to how the university won honorable mention
in 2012 for cyclist friendly universities. The page also mentions that UNO is
supposedly now a bicycle friendly city. This is simply not the case. Cyclist
from outside of the Omaha area would quickly find that unless you know the city
like the back of your hand it is very difficult to travel via bike paths. There
are simply not enough of them. There are several main bike paths that take a
cyclist east and west and north and south, but what is lost is everything in
the middle.
In addition,
cyclists are still plagued with bad attitudes from inconsiderate motorists.
Often cyclists are honked at, yelled at, and are bombarded with other rude
gestures. This comes from a lack of awareness about the benefits of cycling and
shows that Omaha has so far not done enough to foster an eco-friendly, carbon
footprint reducing community.
What the city
has done for cyclists has been a good start, but we need a much stronger bike
path infrastructure and to change a lot of attitudes before Omaha or UNO can
proudly brandish any kind of award for being cyclist friendly.
I have heard that conflict creates
interest. However, when it comes to my
bicycle commuting I am naturally interested in avoiding conflict! As a bicyclist, I rely on motorists to stay
back. I have heard bicyclists say that
you can’t count on motorists seeing you.
Well, I do count on that. I
generally wear bright clothing and use 2-5 lights. I also try to ride cautiously yet assertively
(more the former than the latter lately).
As far as the two perspectives on
bicycle commuting in Omaha, I think things are have generally improved since
the 80s.
There will always be some
disagreements.Here in the US we have an
income gap.This causes some
disagreements.Some think a lot of
people should own guns, some think only a few should.Some think bicycles can safely traverse the
city streets with motor vehicles in relative harmony.Others feel we should be segregated to
recreational trails to enjoy some heart-rate-related wankery in relative
privacy, typically observed only by other wanking bicyclers and skittish
pedestrians/runners.
Well, the Live Well Omaha Commuter Challenge has been completed.It was an
enjoyable experience and allowed me, and probably many others, to feel like I
was earning imaginary credit for my bicycling activities.For those of you who may not be acquainted
with the LWOCC, if you ride a bicycle you get a certain amount of points for
each ride and also for each mile ridden.There are other ways to earn credit, via lesser other forms of
commuting, such as walking or busing or carpooling.Anyway, I always believed these points were
basically imaginary, much like my ongoing imaginary ascent to the rank of archbishop of archery tag.But recently I was
reminded that, while these points are indeed imaginary, participation can be
rewarded.
Low resolution, grainy, and low-key, like my thought processing.
That’s right, I again was awarded
for participating in an event! Thanks! All I had to do was drive my car downtown (not enough time/energy/motivation to bicycle) and pick it up from the Live Well Omaha office. They had a B-cycle station that was apparently popular.
As far as danger and bicycle commuting go, many of these concerns come down to
a feeling that we are living in a dangerous world and we need to be
protected.Many feel guns are nice and/or quaint.However, as I believe one Dr.Mysterian might predict, guns will soon be replaced by personal armed drones (my-PADs) that follow us about wherever we deign to travel.Oh sure there might be a few fatalities as we
work out some kinks, but soon their programming will allow them to protect us
as well as many overworked guardian angels are able.
They will probably soon develop their own "artificial" intelligence to save us the trouble of having to update them on what constitutes a tangible threat to our or their personal safety. Gun violence will be drastically reduced
as we entrust our safety to our electronic protectors.These protectors/gods will be especially
useful to bicyclers who may rely on them to keep us safe with blinking lights,
sirens, alarms, lasers, and electrical system disrupting detonators.As a last resort, micro-missiles will be armed
and launched within milliseconds of recognizing an imminent threat of death/dismemberment while a protective polycarbonate egg will simultaneously protectively encase the endangered
protectee.
Here is an article about how we need a beautiful young celebrity to lead a bicycle commuting movement to allow USians to embrace, respect, and notice the bicycle as a legitimate means of transport in our urban areas. Maybe even a few highways. Cars can have the interstates, as far as I'm concerned.
Until one or more of these events occur; however, we must may choose to all
ponder the risks involved in bicycle commuting.I have to admit that I don’t generally encourage people to commute by
bicycle (other than offering them maps and suggestions as to safer routes) because I would feel really bad if they suffered a debilitating injury
or death while bicycling at my suggestion (not that anyone would be so gullible
as to follow a suggestion of mine without the usual dose of hypnotic
hallucinogens,
chocolate Gu, and cheap wine).One reason I commute vi-uh bicycle is that I love to ride my bike and without
bicycle commuting I would feel like I wasn’t riding enough (even with commuting it ain't that much).Another is that I think bicycling is a good
thing for communities and the world in general.As Mohandas Gandhi allegedly intoned, “Be the change you want to see in
the world.”Speaking of MG, who, like
Jesus Christ, I understand, loved to tell fun stories, here is a fun story,
allegedly originated by one Charleston Darwin and aided in its evolution by the redoubtable Thomas Huxley. To paraphrase/plagiarize one John H. Vandermeer:
Bumblebees nest in abandoned mouse
nests, which are made available when domestic cats prey on those mice.The pollinating service the bees offer to the
clover is thus ultimately provided by the cats, thus providing an indirect
facilitation of clover by cats.Cows eat
the clover and provide beef to power the British navy which extended the
British empire to its former colonial glory.Cats were cared for by elderly, unmarried women, formerly known as
“spinsters.”
And, of course as an insightful
member of an Idaho trail maintenance crew I once co-"led" humourously pointed out to us after
I didactically recited this series of causalities - without the British empire
as an antagonist, MG would not have become the protagonist of the Indian
revolution and an inspiration to so many of us as we become moderately
interested in passive resistance/civil disobedience/moral development.Hence, cats (or spinsters, if you prefer) led
to Gandhi.And so I would like to thank the cats
and spinsters for their contribution towards my bicycle commuting
habits/enthusiasm.
Speaking of cats, I noticed a dead
one on the side of the road as I bicycled along my newly chosen everyday
route. It was one I had seen before, alive and lively scavenging through some garbage cans outside an apartment complex. It had a raccoon/coati-like tail and wore a
striking, rusty coat with a cocky swagger that would make Mick Jagger
blush. It lay near the cans that sustained it. Death by car. It can kill you from the inside or the
outside. Pick your poison people, and
happy Halloween!
Let’s all cautiously charge forward towards glory!
It was just a few days ago that it was really nice and sunny
– I think it was Monday or Tuesday.There
was a gentleman out on a bicycle ride.
I
think it might’ve been a test ride on a Walmart bicycle (if there is such a
thing). I also saw this bike parked by the
creek where a young rapscallion was obviously up to some happy fun adventurin’
of some sort.
Aw, those were the days!
Then it got rainy
and I
was glad I had recently purchased some lovely Zefal avec accente fenders.
“How’s about them fenders?” you may be asking?No?Por que?As we USians are clearly
the fenders for the madly spinning Mexican wheels which protect the precious, fur-lined bicycle
seat of Canada, we really should appreciate the humble role of the fender more
frequently.
Here is a Fender that was made in Mexico and is used in the
US.
http://www.fender.com/guitars/jazzmaster/
My Zefal fenders are great, thank you for asking or
not.They seem pretty sturdy and provide
good coverage from splattering.They
took a bit of time to install because I am mechanically inefficient, but now
that they’re on I intend to keep them there ad
breakium!
Butt enough about me and my stuff, what about my stuff?!As a working family stiff, I’ve been
gradually reduced to accepting our cultural norm of defining myself ourselves by
purchasing and/or analyzing various products.To that end instead of defending a liberal interpretation of religious
teachings as opposed to classifying it as apostasy, I intend to write type a lot more
product reviews because I feel that I will be interacting with people on a more
relatable level.I, personally, read many , many reviews of even the most innocuous items before mustering the wherewithal to press purchase now.Bicycle fenders for example.I
like the plastic ones because they can typically take a good thwack without
getting bent like some less fortunate aluminum varieties.Hear that, Al!?You can get bent!
My buddy Ben prefers aluminum because he says
the plastic ones break.Discuss among
yourselves and or with me please.Thank
you.See!Now we are really relating to each other!
Also we have an art exhibit that features bicycles on October 9!I think this is pretty neat.I will try to get down there and check it
out, but please let me know if you already have or if you want to meet up for a
nice cuppa joe beer and then get kicked out of the gallery as per the
usual.
I am sorry I haven’t written you in so long.How have you been?Instead of my usual bicycle-related antics, I
have been busy catching up on a few important cultural activities/the
following:
Although you might argue that these are not important
cultural activities, you would be wrong.Here’s why –
1.BB s5:In the worst ever episode a logistically
improbable, if not impossible, train heist is followed by a boy on a motorbike
with a tarantula in a jar being shot by a young Ben AffleckMeth Damon (spoiler alert if
anyone’s as slow as me as at watching this somewhat depressing series).This is important because if the boy were on
a bicycle he might not have been in the same area because motorbikes and
bicycles typically don’t travel at the same speeds.Also bicycle riding is very quiet and tiring,
so he might have been either too tired or too quiet….nevermind, I’m just sad…Also Walt shoots that nice older gentleman
Mike (spoiler alert) which was not cool.How’s about some gun control, please! Walt, you're making some bad decisions. I think he might need a hug and an intervention before this somehow ends badly.
2.OmEG:I recently thought this was annoying, but now
I am loving it.There are many
long-winded odes to various innovations/innovators that have been enlightening
to me.One particular quote is something
I kind of suspected in the back of my mind, but was too cheap to face up to –
under the “Lifetime Warranty” entry – “Though the warranty is not meant to
cover normal wear and tear, some unscrupulous consumers take the guarantee to
mean ‘free fixes and upgrades!’”
3.SK’s R:Horrible does not begin to describe how bad
this book is.So I guess if you stick
with something long enough you are entitled to some uninspired, pointless
drivel from time to time.And I should
know!Did you know the world we perceive
is merely a thin veneer, behind which are a bunch of dead souls being driven by large ant-creatures, and featuring howling, fickle, all-powerful gods (spoiler alert)?
4.BIO:Kiersten Dunst is a more convincing
cheerleader than anything else I’ve seen her in. Although I haven't seen her in much else. She was okay as Mary Jane, but it's hard for me to replace my boyhood fantasies idea of MJ with a real person.
5. W:This is an
inspired tale of a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail.She screams the memorable line, “Fuck you
feet!”which is reminiscent of the
popular bicyclers’ credo from one Jens Voigt, “Shut up legs!”Reese Witherspoon is also at her most
attractive in this film because she is doing outdoorsy stuff and she is
often is occasionally baring her wild bosom in shirtsheerless
abandon in worldly pleasures. Her mom in the movie is played by the inimitable Laura Dern who I do not think is really old enough to be her mom. Let me look into that. Nope. Not old enough.
So now that I am all up to date on this stuff I feel like I
have a much stronger connection with popular culture.Let’s all do a new popular dance and use fun
expressions and stuff everybody!Weeeeee!
