Savoring the out-of-touchiness

April 25, 2015

Hey everybody!  Did you go out on a bicycle ride today?  It was actually pretty nice, if a bit on the cool side.  I did not actually go out for a bicycle ride, but I know there were some who did, so goody, goody two shoes for you!  I stayed in my garage and replaced the Old Bastard’s flat handlebar with a 5 cm riser bar.  The OB now looks like an old guy’s bike.  And I guess it is.  I am hoping the old guy bike will allow me to do the old guy standing up-bent over-and gradually straightening out routine less often!  Ach!

Old guys often like to live in the past, like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull describes in this classic song-

I also like to reminisce about the goodle days, much like John Hartford does in this classic song-

When I saw this sign lying in the grass the other day, 

it took me back to my goodle days of life in a large desert town.  I lived in a crack neighborhood in a trailer in the side lot of Jim’s place, next to the bus.  I met crack whores aplenty and witnessed some unabashed prostituting to buy the shiny crystalline substance.  I worked crappy jobs, played my guitar, and cranked up the swamp cooler and drank Red Dog in my trailer while watching Phoenix Coyote hockey on the tv to cool off in the heat of the late afternoon/early evening.  Ahhh!  That felt cool!

Apart from reminiscing, I have also enjoyed the arrival of spring.  The signs of it are unavoidable around these parts these days.  Couples hold hands, drakes drive away other drakes who are trying to mess with their duck, flowers are blindingly vivid, and freshly-cut grass sticks to one’s tyres as one bicycles about in a state of springy intoxication.

Here is a cool-looking commuter bicycle that one won an editor’s choice award from the staff of Bicycling magazine.  http://www.bicycling.com/bikes-and-gear-features/2015-editors-choice/breezer-beltway-elite

Sure it’s got some sweet features like dynamo-powered lights and an internal hub.  But it’s handlebar has a mere 15mm of rise!  Pshaw!  You young whippersnappers with some disposable income can have it.  The Old B and me will be just fine just the way we were are!

Soggy saddles charge!

April 4, 2015

Hey Easter!  Hey people! 

Do you like to sing loudly and/or yell stuff while you are bicycling and/or motoring?  Yes?!  Me too!  Here is one thing that I was hollering for at least 10 minutes or so a couple weeks back.

It was fun, but it was even funner when I was whizzing at moderately fast speeds going downhill.   For safety reasons I did not record a video of that situation!  Speaking of safety, have you seen these sweet helmets?

Which one is that?  You will know when he is slicing the paw off your curious pooch with his katana down by the pond!  

Do you remember that sweet laser light I mentioned a while back?  No?  Well, it was pretty nice, but the bracket didn’t hold it on my seatpost very well and now it is gone.  So it was fun while it lasted. 

April 17, 2015

So what else is happening?  Have you been out to enjoy some lovely pedal time?  How about reading and/or viewing stuff about bikes to get amped for some pedaling of your very own? 

Here is a piece by my erstwhile mentor whom I have never met, but who is always welcome to stop by to visit Mr. Bike Snob NYC.  In it he cleverly pastiches together a dystopian image of unreality in which bicycles and cars are no longer the best of cheery happy friends.  Yesterday a girl yelled at me from her open car window as I was bicycling merrily along upon our glorious multi-use trails.  Her words were, “Have a nice riiiiiiide!”  Indeed my springy exhorter!  Exhort away!

Ah, peace, harmony, springy intoxication!  Let’s all ride about with joy, without cares!  Just be careful if you happen to be riding in a crosswalk in Nebraska, because if you are hit you may be sentenced to community service detailing the cars of people who have had their God-given right to turn right without noticing pesky 2-wheeled mossy-like gnomes galumphing recreationally off to Funville ingloriously defiled by ungrateful galoots.  Here is more about this –

As you may already know, bicyclers who have the misfortune to suffer a collision with a motor vehicle in a crosswalk here in Nebraska are not likely to have much legal recourse under existing state laws.  As I understand it, a bicycler struck by a motorist in a crosswalk can’t sue the motorist.  But the bicycler may be liable for having the gall to ride across the beautiful pavement that is intended for enjoyment by the mighty stewards of freedom we reverently refer to as our mobile auto-eroticisers.  Thank you legislators for reminding me that bicycles belong on the side of the road where I am less likely to “Have a nice riiiiiide!” because traffic is whizzing by me at 45 words of texting per minute!  Ay yi yi!  What a world! as my Uncle Sol used to extoll.  Ay yi yi indeed!