Holy scary rollin'!

September 25, 2015

It was just a few days ago that it was really nice and sunny – I think it was Monday or Tuesday.  There was a gentleman out on a bicycle ride.  

I think it might’ve been a test ride on a Walmart bicycle (if there is such a thing).  I also saw this bike parked by the creek where a young rapscallion was obviously up to some happy fun adventurin’ of some sort.  

Aw, those were the days!

Then it got rainy 

and I was glad I had recently purchased some lovely Zefal avec accente fenders.  

http://www.nashbar.com/bikes/Product_10053_10052_574595_-1___204660

Then it got sunny again, but ye ol’ mudslide had been reactivated sumthin’ fierce!

It's muddier than it looks!

And that about sums it up.

Also there is this exciting bicycling event coming up soon https://www.facebook.com/events/553908208016443/ - it's the Haunted Hummel Park Halloween Ride on October 10!  

Should be a scream!

“How’s about them fenders?” you may be asking?  No?  Por que?  As we USians are clearly the fenders for the madly spinning Mexican wheels which protect the precious, fur-lined bicycle seat of Canada, we really should appreciate the humble role of the fender more frequently.

Here is a Fender that was made in Mexico and is used in the US.

http://www.fender.com/guitars/jazzmaster/

My Zefal fenders are great, thank you for asking or not.  They seem pretty sturdy and provide good coverage from splattering.  They took a bit of time to install because I am mechanically inefficient, but now that they’re on I intend to keep them there ad breakium!

Butt enough about me and my stuff, what about my stuff?!  As a working family stiff, I’ve been gradually reduced to accepting our cultural norm of defining myself ourselves by purchasing and/or analyzing various products.  To that end instead of defending a liberal interpretation of religious teachings as opposed to classifying it as apostasy, I intend to write type a lot more product reviews because I feel that I will be interacting with people on a more relatable level.  I, personally, read many , many reviews of even the most innocuous items before mustering the wherewithal to press purchase now.  Bicycle fenders for example.  I like the plastic ones because they can typically take a good thwack without getting bent like some less fortunate aluminum varieties.  Hear that, Al!?  You can get bent!  

My buddy Ben prefers aluminum because he says the plastic ones break.  Discuss among yourselves and or with me please.  Thank you.  See!  Now we are really relating to each other!

Also we have an art exhibit that features bicycles on October 9!  I think this is pretty neat.  I will try to get down there and check it out, but please let me know if you already have or if you want to meet up for a nice cuppa joe beer and then get kicked out of the gallery as per the usual. 

Hey let’s all holy/scary roll! 

Pop culture cycle

September 13, 2015

Dear spendthrifts and spend-a-lots,

I am sorry I haven’t written you in so long.  How have you been?  Instead of my usual bicycle-related antics, I have been busy catching up on a few important cultural activities/the following:

1. 1.     Breaking Bad (season 5, first half)
2. 2.     Outside magazine’s Encyclopedia of Gear
3. 3.     Stephen King’s Revival
4. 4.     Bring It On
5. 5.     Wild

Although you might argue that these are not important cultural activities, you would be wrong.  Here’s why –

1.  BB s5:  In the worst ever episode a logistically improbable, if not impossible, train heist is followed by a boy on a motorbike with a tarantula in a jar being shot by a young Ben Affleck Meth Damon (spoiler alert if anyone’s as slow as me as at watching this somewhat depressing series).  This is important because if the boy were on a bicycle he might not have been in the same area because motorbikes and bicycles typically don’t travel at the same speeds.  Also bicycle riding is very quiet and tiring, so he might have been either too tired or too quiet….  nevermind, I’m just sad…  Also Walt shoots that nice older gentleman Mike (spoiler alert) which was not cool.  How’s about some gun control, please! Walt, you're making some bad decisions.  I think he might need a hug and an intervention before this somehow ends badly.  

2.  OmEG:  I recently thought this was annoying, but now I am loving it.  There are many long-winded odes to various innovations/innovators that have been enlightening to me.  One particular quote is something I kind of suspected in the back of my mind, but was too cheap to face up to – under the “Lifetime Warranty” entry – “Though the warranty is not meant to cover normal wear and tear, some unscrupulous consumers take the guarantee to mean ‘free fixes and upgrades!’”

3.  SK’s R:  Horrible does not begin to describe how bad this book is.  So I guess if you stick with something long enough you are entitled to some uninspired, pointless drivel from time to time.  And I should know!  Did you know the world we perceive is merely a thin veneer, behind which are a bunch of dead souls being driven by large ant-creatures, and featuring howling, fickle, all-powerful gods (spoiler alert)?

4.  BIO:  Kiersten Dunst is a more convincing cheerleader than anything else I’ve seen her in.  Although I haven't seen her in much else.  She was okay as Mary Jane, but it's hard for me to replace my boyhood fantasies idea of MJ with a real person.  

 

http://cdn04.cdn.justjared.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/dunst-bike/kirsten-dunst-bike-ride-03.jpg

5. W:  This is an inspired tale of a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail.  She screams the memorable line, “Fuck you feet!” which is reminiscent of the popular bicyclers’ credo from one Jens Voigt, “Shut up legs!”  Reese Witherspoon is also at her most attractive in this film because she is doing outdoorsy stuff and she is often is occasionally baring her wild bosom in shirtsheerless abandon in worldly pleasures.  Her mom in the movie is played by the inimitable Laura Dern who I do not think is really old enough to be her mom.  Let me look into that.  Nope.  Not old enough. 

So now that I am all up to date on this stuff I feel like I have a much stronger connection with popular culture.  Let’s all do a new popular dance and use fun expressions and stuff everybody!  Weeeeee!

Heatstroke of genius!

September 3, 2015

Many humble greetings to each of you my lieges.  I do have news this day, albeit not of the grandiosity befitting one of thine noble lineage.

1. 1.     I feel like my front brake works much better after consulting the late Mr. Sheldon Brown’s website of well-articulated and informative bicycle wisdom.
2. 2.     My front fender gave out (more on this later).
3. 3.     I went on a long bicycle ride with my uncle and we weren’t the only ones.

I usually am not very good at before and after photos because I am too impatient to get started to stop for a photo.  Here was my brake after, red lines indicates approximate former location of yoke cable.  As is obvious in hindsight, the lower the V of the yoke sits the more leverage/mechanical advantage you get. 

My fender broke loose of its moorings like a sleek dinghy in a moderate nor’easter.  It just plum wore out, ta put it plainly Jeb.  Just dun fer.

This bicycle ride was just a few days ago – last Sunday August 30 to be precise.  The conditions were ideal and not at all appropriate for a ride known as the Heatstroke 100.  This was an enjoyable, well-supported, and sensibly routed spree sponsored by the great Great Plains Bicycling Club.  The route consisted of 3 loops that riders could combine in any sequence they chose to ride a variety of distances as they saw fit.    

Some of you may be wondering what a moderately active person such as myself is doing going on long bicycling rides.  Well, my uncle invited me. 

Also riding for long distances gives me an excuse to eat all kinds of foods that I otherwise occasionally chide myself about eating (i.e., lots and lots of cookies).  

We pedaled along for many a mile.  We spent some time on Church Road.

We saw a series of strong graphic designs on old rural buildings.

and a country dog.

I ate lots of delightful snack food at many of the SAG (support and grub) stops.  

The SAG people were upbeat and awesome.  Eventually though, they got tired and wanted to go home.  That was too bad for my uncle and I because we were weighing in as anchors, averaging 10.3 mph for the first 78 miles and the museum locks the gates to the parking lots at 5:30.  We were asked to take the short straight line route back to our starting point, the Strategic Air & Space Museum.  My uncle and I; however, did not even consider granting this request from our selfless benefactors.  We had planned for this contingency.  So I told the SAG men from the Moose’s Tooth that our plan involved me bicycling fast faster for 22 miles in order to reach the museum in time to move our vehicles out before they closed the gates.  The SAG men looked a bit doubtful, but they graciously accepted my counter-offer.  The only caveat was that they were going to take down the signs.  And they gave me a pickle juice that no one else wanted.  Thanks young Hosses.  Thanks!  I screamed over my shoulder as I was frantically pedaling down Highway 6.  Nothing like a mission to make a bicycler like myself feel even more self-important than usual!  By the way, the Moose's Tooth SAG was especially great because they had plenty of space to sit down and they had the Margaritaville satellite radio station playing.  I knew I should be fortify myself for the excitement.  When I reached Highway 31 I stopped for a quick cocktail of sorts. 

Kind of a chocolaty pond scum martini of sorts, if you will!  I will!  Yumm!

The rest of the ride was a bit hilly, but I passed the time by wondering if my bowels would rebel.  They held true, though, and I made it to Dairy Queen for a banana split recovery meal.

Before that, though, I crossed the pedestrian bridge over the Platte River for a second time.  I hadn't seen it before, because it's a bit hard to spot if you're just motoring along.  Here it is from the road, through a break in the trees.

 and here it is from the bridge.

So there you have it, friends.  Let's all recover and do it again some time!