Oafish bearings

June 15, 2019

Dear Sirs and Madams,

I am writing today to inform you thatIwe have finally got the Old Bastard back together! It was easy!  First I removed the stubborn ol’ rusted stem stump, as explained in painful detail in previous posts.  Then I unwisely decided that the headset should be overhauled due to some very minor grittiness when turning the handlebar.  I took the headset apart and then decided I should get some new caged bearings because the ones in there seemed a bit old and possibly out of round. I went down to ye olde local bike shop (Olympia in Millard, where I had purchased the Bridgestone back in 1991) and got a set of caged bearings.  However, due to the antiquated nature of my 29 year-old Bridgestone, Ed was only able to supply me with one set.  As it turns out, that is probably just as well because I went home and promptly dropped the caged bearings onto the concrete, irreparably bending the cage! Yes, I am a clumsy oaf.  This tom turkey I recently met near the multi-use trail might have done a better job of overhauling my headset than I.  

Then I ineffectually tried to put the headset back together and bent the cages on both of ye olde sets of caged bearings (I think it was due to improper alignment and my moving the fork back and forth which likely bent the cages before they were firmly emplaced within the headset.  It was shameful indeed.  So I took it back to Olympia and Michael expertly assessed the situation and supplied the headset with some non-caged/free-range bearings.  For a mere $51 and some free (unless you count the approximately 2 hours spent in this ill-conceived/misbegotten venture) shame I was back to Bastardizing around town on my trusty olde MB-5.

Now I’ve noticed ye olde Bastarde is more of an old guy’s bike than before, and I’ve even considered getting a bullhorn handlebar to get a bit more aero/aggressive.  But, on the other hand, the more upright position hasn’t been too bad.  I’ve been looking around and enjoying the views of things that I have not previously noticed due to my aero/aggressiveness.  And to be honest, I’m pretty sure I’m older than I am aero/aggressive.  So there!

Now I am ready for Rollin’ to Colon, a lovely pastoral ride which happens to take place tomorrow! Roll on, my fellow clumsy oafs and oafettes (and also any graceful elves/faeries/secret agents who might be reading).

-BSO

Gravel ho!

June 14, 2015

Salutations!  I have been out doing some recreational bicycling lately and it was quite enjoyable.  I rode this bicycle.  

Rich rode this bicycle.  

We are planning on bicycling on some gravel next Saturdy.  Big Fondu Dy, I her.  There are other opportunities that weekend as well, why it’s the Rollin’ to Colon weekend, too!  So you really have no reason not to enjoy an organized bicycling event, unless you hate organization.  And if you really hate organization, then you probably shouldn’t be reading, because communication with words requires organization. 

Les be real hear.  Rolling on gravel doesn’t sound all that great, but I guess it might be fun.  And I’ve been told there’s a nice beer drinking opportunity following the dusty, arse-bruising, spine-jarring sojourn through some rural landscapes. 

So Rich and I rode around for awhile today.  We saw a camp.  

We saw a big truck and some heavy equipment. 

We saw some typical Omaha outskirts landscapes (i.e., nuveau chateaus avec le olde rustic avec accentes beaucoup, ole!).  

We even saw a gravel rode, butt we din’t hav tim fer it.

So huzzah to the gravelly grunting a head.  I am as reedy as I will ever bee.  Buzzzzzz or buzzzkilll?  Tim wil til, tim wil til.

Here's Rollin' at you, Clive!

June 19, 2011

I seem to have survived yet another organized ride in the form of Rollin' to Colon. The form of a colon may also be seen in Michigan's Palmer Lake. A town near the lake was named Colon, and Colon, Nebraska was allegedly named after the town in Michigan. I consider your colon to be pretty much the same as your large intestine (mine too). After the ride I scarfed down more than half a "Thai" pizza with a ton of sweet chili sauce and my colon was playing chicken with my stomach.

The ride itself was dreamlike as we started out in a thick fog that forced me to remove my spectacles and squint nerdily about saying things like, "Are you my dad?" and "Pardon me, was that your water bottle?" My dad flew by the first rest stop and so I was forced to keep pedaling along so as not to be lost in my myopic stew of incomprehension. After several more confusing minutes the fog began to lift and I returned to my accustomed vantage point behind my soothing, non-confrontational lenses of perceiving.
We eventually rolled into the welcoming Colon.

A very pretty, peaceful community, with a wall dedicated to angst and expressionism where we all (in an act of fraternal empathy and slightly suppressed angst) leaned our bicycles.

This wall seems to act as a kind of pressure relief valve that allows Colonians to maintain a tranquil disposition even during the rough times digesting the suspicious concoctions life sometimes crams into its gullet.

While I was waiting for my chance to be alone with the designated toilet for men I heard many women commenting happily that it was nice to see that the men's line was much longer than the women's. It was true and unusual.

This line included me, and wrapped around the corner (colon-like)!

After some snacking, I noticed this sweet-ass Salsa Vaya.

I am considering one day purchasing a bicycle with the awesome power of the disc braking system, and perhaps this machine will someday be the conveyor of that awesomeness to my trembling index fingers. I will call her Suzanne Vega and we shall sing to one another!

When we left Colon, we rolled along the highway near the town of Prague. I felt like a tourist in my home state, and I hope to one day return to this Europeanesque delicacy of a community.

My butt was damn sore by the time we made it back to Valley. Large amounts of food made me feel significantly better. Then as we were leaving, I heard someone say that my cousin had won a prize! I accepted the prize (in a bag) on his behalf. It is now resting, comfortably unopened, in the trunk of the 'tro (I hope it's not a sandwich or a kitten). I will let you know what it is when I find out. If you are my cousin, please feel free to stop by to claim your prize.

The Rollin' to Colon experience was the most memorable Father's Day event ever. Please believe me and be ready to hit the Colon with me next year!

June 20, 2011

Made it down to the College World Series tonight in time to see some storminess and an impressive display of pro-bicycling propaganda.

Since I was without a faithful bicycle companion, I felt a bit sheepish as I moved my unattached feet up and down in a non-circular pattern, seemingly mocked by the superior glances of the two-wheeled centaurs proudly claiming roads and sidewalks everywhere I looked.

There was even valet bicycle parking, which I eyed enviously. I imagined myself handing over the Old Bastard, slipping the concierge a 5 and winking, "Clean 'er up a tad, wouldja Clive?"

Ah, yes. The day of the bicycle had come at last! Unfortunately it was also the day of the 70 mph wind and heavy rains that caused the game to be postponed after the 6th inning, and me to temporarily lose my sporty visor. Still, all in all, an enjoyable excursion to the evolving downtown area in the midst of the CWS bustle. And we all know how good it is to get up into that bustle now and then, eh Clive? wink wink, nudge nudge.

Incidentally, some blame (or thank) the bicycle for the decline in the bustle. That's right, those ladies with a yen for independent travel at speeds faster than your average pedestrian were not able to mount a "freedom machine" with that unwieldy garb limiting their posteriors. "Good bit o' trivia for ya, eh Clive? Cheerio, ol' chap, cheerio!"

The Library is where it is at!

What is going on, more like what isn't going on!? My Big Gay Italian Wedding is approaching it's final weekend at SNAP Productions. The College World Series and a downtown water park are being installed this weekend. The Bruins won the Stanley Cup (and start the pre-season in 2 weeks). Vancouver is harshing it's own gig (which [to my understanding, having never actually been there] is being chillactastic). Dictators refuse to be removed. A tumultuous time indeed.
In times like these, it is very comforting to know that many of us are able to take shelter in one of the pride and joys of the American tax contributor - the public library! Yes, it is probably the best investment of funds since they hired Badly Drawn Boy to perform at the Red Sky Festival in the beautiful canals of downtown Omaha (hint, hint). Here are some photos of the peace and serenity that we reverently call "library."

I may have an extra special appreciation for this home due to my recent discovery of the graphic novels section (now I know where the hell those lovely Sandman graphic novels by Neil Gaiman reside)! All those pictures make reading so much easier.  Although I am blessed with a home, I am seriously considering spending all of my free time at the library. You probably should too. Check out this landscaping.

And bicyclists are welcome to practice some sweet freestylin' moves/trials exercises on these obstacles/benches/sculptures, as evidenced by this sign.

Just thinking about it makes me wanna finish my beer, scarf down a quick garden-fresh salad and pedal spastically towards this haven of hospitality.
After my satisfying library experience, I made it back home in time to slip on some Neonduhrrthal slippers

and pad my way over to the local sports bar to grab a copy of the local entertainment newsrag. It was during this expedition that I noticed some of my tree friends were marked with numbers. Damn tree-hating naztris. Luckily there is someone to stand up for our quiet friends. That's right, luckily the Lorax's sister, Lorsaw takes care of the trees in our region (Eastern North America - as denoted in the Golden Guide to the Trees of North America). She was kind enough to pose for a photo for me, too. Here it is.

I think she said that spray paint was biodegradable...

As some of you may not know, this upcoming weekend is the Rollin' to Colon ride here in eastern Nebraska. You can ride a variety of distances in a relatively tranquil portion of the state, raise some money for colon cancer, and visit Colon, Nebraska. Not a bad way to spend a Father's Day, eh?

I was also informed by my local newspaper that Omaha now had some B-cycles that you could rent to cruise around some of the more happenin' areas of town. Rates are approximately $5/hour, then $1.25 per hour after that. I'm pretty sure these are the same bikes that I rode during Omaha's Ultimate Urban Adventure and I have to say that I am a big fan. Large front basket (probably holds about a 12-pack), stable, and it's got a few gears. Comfy ride for some bar hopping/casual about-towning.