Bike Tranquilly, you bastard!

July 2, 2011

Feeling like you need a nice, quiet place to get away from all the hustle and bustles of daily life? Feeling like you need to find someplace tranquil or else a heavy dose of a tranquilizer? Well, such a pastoral place can indeed be found. In fact, there are probably many such places along the lovely Wabash Trace Nature Trail. The beautiful lounging area pictured below is located just west of the trail in Malverne, Iowa.

Please note the water spigot, which was an especially welcome sight this past Thursday as the mercury was rising faster than the Missouri River.

My bicycle riding accomplice Rich and I reluctantly left our haven of happiness and started back towards the excitement of the Thursday night Taco Ride. We rode past the smelly, possibly leaking ammonia tanks of Silver City and ate at a very comfortable, uncrowded, tasty and reasonably-priced sub sandwich/ice cream joint.

After this additional foray in the realms of Tranquilicity, we got back up in the bustle of Senorita (con tilda! you bastard!) Taco Ride. After a brief discussion in which I woosily broached the topic of bypassing the melee so that I could get back home in time to get ineffectual beauty rest in order to perform my profession of task delegator with my usual haphazardnous, we stepped into the extravagant Mineola Steakhouse (with expanded boundaries for pre-4th of July revelry). Rich was immediately fascinated by the foam pit, whereas I scanned the foaminess and was quickly disappointed by a lack of scantily clad female partiers and/or wrestlers. In the outdoor seating area we encountered our friend and fearless leader of a team involved in the upcoming MS Bike Ride, Nebraska (July 9 & 10). We quickly caught up on bicycle-related events and a brief foray into personal details, at which the conversation meandered rapidly to talk of Missouri River flooding. I quickly lost my conversational footing as I was inundated with critical elevations, evacuation times, berm construction materials, and percentages of the Missouri River watershed represented at upstream dams. Eventually I alighted outside the steakhouse only to find Rich's front tire flat. I had also apparently lost track of time as I people-watched and was upended in the tumultuous current of Missouri River flood talk (be forewarned that it may engulf you too! [if it hasn't already]).

As I noted the decreasing sunlight, I increased my homeward pace accordingly. I didn't notice when the well-illuminated Rich blew out his new tire tube until it was fairly dark and I had left him several leagues behind. I was repeatedly either scolded, reprimanded, and or joked with about my total lack of illumination (Elijah Woods where are you when I need you! and Elijah, if you're reading this, I need you a lot). The most frequent exhortation I encountered was a loud, self-righteous, "Light!" hollered about 10 feet before our trajectories nearly intersected. Humbled by the outspoken critics of my lightlessness, I latched onto a friendly, well-illuminated pair of riders who helped me make my way back to the trailhead. I quickly realized that Rich was nowhere to be seen and took the comradely action of kicking back in my car and calling and texting him occasionally while listening to my latest Badly Drawn Boy recording which I had transferred to my MP-3 player (The Hour of Bewilderbeast ). Rich eventually showed up and I sheepishly apologized for my spastic hurrying in the face of potential tiredness. Reunited and it feels so good.

Oh, and if you haven't noticed the Tour de France has begun and a professional cyclist I'm unfamiliar with (Philippe Gilbert) was wearing the creativity-inspiring yellow jersey after Stage 1 in what may be eventually be known as his most glorious moment of professional life ever! While determining Philippe's name I noticed that Thor Hushovd is now wearing yellow, which is a coincidence since I am reading an enjoyable novel which may feature a character who is actually (spoiler alert) Thor. This novel is called American Gods by Neil Gaimen. Go Thor!

Adventurette de Taquito...... GOOOOAAAAL!

June 24, 2011

Say what you will about the hazards (i.e., intoxicated bicyclists) of the Thursday night taco ride in Council Bluffs, Iowa, I find that each ride is a minor adventure. An adventurette, if you will, which is not quite as good as an adventuress, but better than a coquette.

Yesterday's ride started off with some vigorous pedaling with my stalwart father and bicycling roll-model. Yuckitty, yuck. (I'll put that 50 cents wherever I want to, damn it!) We made it to Margaritaville, and none too soon. It was not an easy multi-task as we browsed on succulently sweet mulberries and drank beer. We were like happy, bicycling sun bears (Ursus malayanus). As usual there was plenty of socializing to be had at this lovely wayside haven. We met a college student who immediately offered us swigs of a drink called "Four Loko." It was similar to Robitussen (a favorite of my dad and me).
"That's good." I stated.
The young woman didn't seem to agree.
"It's not bad when it's cold," she allowed.
Me and Dad quickly chugged the last of the beverage, and the young woman seemed relieved. She held the 24 oz. can horizontally while her large partner Brett crushed the can with his shoulder blades(!)
"That was awesome!" I gushed.
Melinda snorted and explained that no, it really wasn't. Brett concurred. Melinda was scheduled for a multi-day bicycling trip with some friends along the Cowboy Trail in northern Nebraska.  Despite having never ridden more than 50 miles in a single day, she was about to embark upon a 4-day ride averaging about 70 miles/day! I was impressed by her intrepidity (but I would expect nothing less from an International Studies major with a minor in German and Spanish)
.
We made it to the lovely Mineola Steakhouse and enjoyed an outdoor dinner with yet more socializing.

I met a man who explained that, although the personable and ubiquitous Greg Losh is often credited as being the instigator of the infamous Taco Ride, it should more accurately be attributed to the shy and retiring author of Biking Iowa, Bob Morgan.
"Fascinating, simply fas-cinating." I said sincerely.
After eating, meeting a local television weatherman and chatting with people about our fabulous bicycle jerseys (Team Nobby - MS Bike Ride, Nebraska - July 8 & 9), we ate and started back.

During a pee break on the return trip, we happened upon a vacant log cabin with a moonshine still. The old man and I cautiously sampled several quarts. Hmm. Not bad, but it could use some mulberries. Although the old timer was unfazed, I became unabashedly impaired and swerved precipitously homewards, giddily slapping low to medium fives at oncoming bicycle traffic.
When we reached the trailhead, my disgusted father lovingly dumped a bucket of ice water over my head and then shoved some coffee grounds into my water bottle and bid me good eve.

(exaunt Snot and Ancestor)
(sunset, sunrise)

Ahh, the lovely Crispus rumex in its autumnal-esque, early summer glory.

Today I was able to get the Old Bastard out for a slightly less-than-usually encumbered (i.e., sporty) ride.

Then on my way home, the versatile OB became a kind of porterette, as I cycled proudly home with a multi-tool bungee-corded to my trusty Blackburn mountain rack.

Yes, quite the series of events to ponder during my exuberant Friday evening of yard work. And if that weren't enough, methinks a tale from the bard doth cry out for reenactment this magical fortnight. Yes, of course it is that time of year where the beloved Shakespeare on the Green takes place at the lovely Elmwood Park. The current experience is called A Midsummer's Night Dream. 

It has also come to my attention that the good ol' US of A (aka sombrero alto de Mexico) will be competing against Mexico in an upcoming match of South American futbol (con accento y !!, tu quatro loko!) That's right, tomorrow at 8 there will be many excited exclamations by Univision announcers as the event commences around 8 p.m. CDT. The winner will be expected to drink the Golden Cup!  (I predict a USA win, since it is closer to the 4th of July than the Cinco de Mayo - and I'll bet you a shot of El Toro on that one!)

Here's to a great weekend.