Paleo-flowerbike

May 3, 2011

As I strapped on my funky Vibram Five-Fingers KSOs, I knew that I was about to cross the line into the realm of the technophilic-pseudo-paleoman.

It’s kind of an unpleasant feeling when you first enter, but then it feels pretty good. Yes there is kind of a queasy feeling that accompanies rebelling against the overly-engineered, multi-cushioned modern running shoe by donning a shoe made of a complex rubber compound, Neoprene and a Velcro strap. It is not unlike the feeling of “rocking-out” to a Badly-Drawn Boy tune (probably my current favorite of which is Everybodys Stalking) while en route to a football (of the North American variety, that is) game. Unfortunately my geisha-soft feet did not appreciate my first few attempts at actual barefoot running. I developed a few blisters and was scoffed at by anyone to whom I dared relate my sad story. But now, armed (or should I say footed) with my high-tech footware I can cautiously embark upon my primordial return to the natural gait of my ancestral forebears who once roamed the hills and fields clad in nothing but loincloths, crooked-toothed smiles, and lots and lots of hair. Much like a northeastern European Sumo, it is not a pretty picture. So here’s a slightly prettier picture to make up for it.

Yes, I figured that the Old Bastard might enjoy a little rest in this comfortable, picturesque setting to make up for his recent high-impact “resting places“ he‘d endured due to my incompetence. It was a safe environment for me to reflect upon the beauty of Bicycle Safety Month/Ride Your Bike to Work Month. Yes we were very safe and happy here under the flowery trees. I plucked a flower from the tree and placed it into the compassless bicycle bell on my handlebars and then rode away towards the sunset. Although the flower was quickly commandeered by the mischievous breeze, I thoughtfully rang my bell and pedaled alertly and safely up the awaiting hillside.

In other news, I can say with the utmost lack of confidence that those new-fangled belt-driven bikes apparently have back tires that are hard to take off when you need to change a flat. Therefore, I recommend using those solid rubber tires (meh-heh, I kid, of course [unless you work in one of those huge cavernous factories that require bicycles to get around in but have sharp objects strewn spontaneously about, heggledy-peggledy, in which case I do not kid, but feel very somber]) or a Kevlar tire with an extreme tire-liner of some sort to ensure your enduring techno-inflated ego remains sufficiently aloof atop your sveltely stealthy high horse.

It is now your chance to participate in the summer like weather and to celebrate the Taco Ride on the Wabash Trace trail on Cinco de Mayo. What a twofer! (or !Que una twofer!)  Firstly "!" upside-downy, you bastard!  http://tacoride.com/