Let's shop! Ugh.

And now for a brief postscript-

November 30, 2011

If you are like me, when you are feeling under the weather you enjoy eating pots of soup, tomato and peanut butter sandwiches, drinking water and watching Country Strong. Now there's a great movie, and it really takes away the aches and pains. Not only does Gwyneth Paltrow do a great job acting and singing she also (spoiler alert) rides in a freight train.  And, as all you Paltrow fans or bicyclists may have noticed, she has been filming a film in which she is bicycling upon a bicycle.  Here she is on the set of her upcoming film of some sort.

.Although I don't normally frequent Celebuzz.com, I did learn that GP, Jack Benny and me are all 39 together.  (bad joke alert)  Where will that put us all in 30 years?.....  Hmmmmm.

November 29, 2011

If you are like me, this early Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa shopping season has sickened you. Or maybe it's just allergies, or whatever kind of bug my loving family and friend may have passed along to me. And no that is not a typo, I mean "friend" not "friends," you know who you are. With these past two sentences, perhaps you are wondering, "How many sentences starting with conjunctions can this bozo provide?" Well, the answers are "a lot" and "what's a conjunction?"

But on the other hand, aren't they dramatic?! Therefore I proceed with some happy news I noticed in the local newspaper. Talk of a new separated bicycle path from midtown to downtown! Whooopeee! Hitherto I was off, happily bicycling towards the Home Despot for some Christmas shopping. Furthermore I was so gleeful that I chirped and yapped along on my merry way. If you are family or friend, here's what you are getting for Christmas.

I mean the Double Draft Stop, not the bike.  Thank me later, if you must. And if not, of course I understand.

Turkeyboy up, bicyclists!

November 25, 2011

It has been foggy around the bicycling environs I frequent as of late.

Foggy and unseasonably warm, as evidenced by the many smiling pedestrians out and about. 

Although I have seen many pedestrians, I have missed the company of fellow cyclists, since I don't seem to encounter many on my usual routes. To get back in touch with my two-wheeling comrades, I participated in the Thanksgiving Eve bicycling experience beginning and ending at the White House Bar and Grill. This is a fun, gregarious group, kind of a smaller version of the Taco Ride experience. I think it's normally every Thursday during the fall/winter months. Team Amnesia is well represented. Here is the festive fleet before take-off.

We had an enjoyable trip down to Winchester's Bar and Grill and back. Here's some fog we encoutered.

and here's some public art I stopped to appreciate on the return trip.

Apparently produced by a members of the Kent Bellows Studio and Center for Visual Arts and the Neighborhood Center. Good work y'all.

Kent Bellows is a controversial artist from here in Omaha. We never used to have many of those around here. Now there are some (generally of the mild variety), such as Tim Kasher, lead singer of Cursive and The Good Life. I'm pretty sure that Omaha and controversy are as good together as tomato and peanut butter, so slap 'em together and take a big ol' bite! I am actually unaware of T.K. being involved in controversy, but he seemed like the sort who would be when I was enjoying Cursive's set at this past summer's Maha festival.

Being in a mood to appreciate art, I made it down to Hot Shops where I noticed at least one artist had a bicycle sitting outside of her studio.

 A basic, practical mode of conveyance.  At least that's one thing we can agree upon.  Right?  Wrong!  Upon closer inspection I noticed it was a Huffy Roadmaster.  I imagine it's got some kind of mechanical problem even as I type! Go ahead, Huffy Roadmaster lovers, disagree! You might as well get a human-powered scooter. It might be a little slower, but definitely more reliable. So if you are a starving artist, you might consider trying to trade your Huffy + a work of art for a bicycle at another type of "hot shop" aka your local pawn shop. Or maybe a scooter or a skateboard. If you know a starving artist, maybe you can donate a "gently used" bicycle (of a non-Huffy variety) to them for their comfort and/or sanity if they are actually going to comport themselves hither and yon upon one of these two-wheeled machines on a regular basis. Or maybe you could get a bicycle building artist to take up residence and get some wheelin' and dealin' goin'. Wheel on!

Turkeys on wheels

November 22, 2011

A strange kind of calm has welcomed me as I go about my bicycling ways these past two days. Much unlike this past Saturday. I decided to head up to my local Barnes & Noble book pusher (the hunter of the LBS [local book store, in this case] and the prey of the giant Amazon). It was there that I purchased The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolano (con tilda y exclamaciones y accentos, bastardos!) to send to my brother in Tokyo. Yes, my brother lives in Japan, konichiwa ani! and the late Bolano was from Chile, but also occupied Mexico City and other strategically important metropolises. So that was my small peephole towards the broader horizons of the wider world here on a windy day in Omaha. Like me, my brother is moderately active. But, as often is the case with siblings, there is occasional competitiveness. I feel that I am more moderate in my activeness. In fact I may be among the most moderately active of suburbanites in my neighborhood. There, I said it. Now here's a poem,

You won't catch me at the gym, I'll see you at the bar,
How you gonna get there? By bike, "No thanks," to car.

Members of the Tokyo Cycling Club also like to bicycle and "enjoy an occasional drink."

Speaking of which, tomorrow is the annual Thanksgiving Eve Taco Ride-esque bicycle ride and party with band at the White House Bar and Grill. 6:30 sharp and /or dull. Although it's supposed to be pretty nice out, please don't let that stop you from coming along for the fun.

It is kind of unseasonably warm these days, but I realize that it is bound to get chilly soon. Towards that end I am in the process of patching of my 15-year-old Pearl Izumi lobster claws.

(I actually wore them last year for the Thanksgiving Eve ride). They're the warmest handwear I've got right now, so I'll try to make them last. I'm using some aromatic Seam Grip and some torn-up pants to patch them.

It appears the previously Bohemian areas of suburban Omaha (such as the oft-homaged Poet's Perch, a previous view from which is shown here [before]

and below [after]) are getting cleaned up/re-blanded. 

Ah well.  At least we'll always have the White House, eh you crazy partying turkeys, eh, be, si?

Maudlin grandiosity!

November 17, 2011

I'm sure it's happened to many of us. You hear a faint melody in the back of your mind. You start humming along with the melody. Then you realize that it is the melody to Joan Baez's "Diamonds and Rust." Here's a Judas Priest version if you are so inclined. It's rather maudlin, but (sigh) I suppose I am too....

Here's a question for you.
Q: What are 2 things about Judas Priest that are derived from Bob Dylan?
Now there may be more than 2 things, but here are the 2 that I am aware of.

1. Their name is derived from the title of a Dylan song, "The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest." 2. They consistently perform "Diamonds and Rust," which was written about Joan's romantic relationship with Bob.

So there, nothing like a little trivia to brighten things up. Another thing I like to do to combat the maudlin is to get grandiose! Here are some grandiosities that are as grand as they are inaccurate.

1. "Diamonds and Rust" is the "Greensleeves" of our time and here's why- they are both about romantic relationships that are over. Both are kind of bitter, both have been covered by many artists and both melodies are liable to get stuck in your head at any time, with no prior notice.
2. Bob and Joan were the less dramatic version of Sid and Nancy or the more dramatic version of Brad and Jenn, and don't ask me why because I am clueless about celebrity relationships. In fact, better yet, you tell me who they are analogous to.

Bob's had quite a few songs written about him, and at least one very popular one in which he plays a moderate role. Here's more o' that -
　
Alright, enough sourpussing around. I've gotta get my Jackie Chan on. That means pep. And lots of it. And longer sentences that aren't choppy half sentences. Well I am sure that you have wondered about Jackie Chan's ambivalent relationship with bicycles. After all, in Tuxedo he doors a 'roided up mountain biker and later beats him up (in self defense, of course). Yet he has also appeared in some crazy bicycle chases in at least one film, and was involved in a slow speed bicycle race on Japanese television. So here's Jackie and his brief fling with a kid's bike. 

Now that's some grandiose pep, eh bike lovers?

Bison hunting or bicycling?

November 15, 2011

Well, if yours was like mine, it was a weekend filled with many leaves and needles (of the piney variety). 

I was lucky enough to be invited to a little dinner soiree (avec accente, no?) this last Sunday, when the dignified host inquired as to my pastimes. I stated that I was into bicycling. His response was,
"Where do you get those?"
I sought to clarify, "While, I generally ride my 20 year old bike for commuting..."
Now it was his turn for confusion, "I thought you said 'bison hunting'!"

His misunderstanding was understandable, especially due to the dinner conversation which had touched heavily upon hunting, this being fall on the Great Plains.

Although I have not hunted bison, I was quite happy to exercise my right to bare arms while bicycling homewards yesterday. Yes, it was a slightly crisp autumnal eve and it felt quite invigorating to be living the short-sleeved life in November.

As for actual bison hunting, I did see a show on Discovery channel about a guy who was trying to recreate some of Lewis and Clark's activities. I think he got a bison, with the assistance of a tribal bison herd manager/guide. Not as much luck building the dugout boat, though (a lot of time and skill to burn and hollow out those cottonwood trunks).

I think most herds are privately owned these days. Yes, under the generally benevolent and infrequently bovicidal care of shaggy cowboys. Ever had one of those buffalo burgers up at your local midwestern state park!?  Mmmmm-hmmmm.  That ain't no ostrich burger, hoss!

Prior to the bison talk, I made it out to Tranquility Park with the undaunted Rich for some more mountain bike riding. Here is my favorite section of trail out there. It's bumpy! Weeeeeee!

As for my bitching about a lack of Thanksgiving decorations, here is what may be an inflated, glowing turkey decoration (note two large radioactive orange [pumpkin?] sherbet scoops under her wings) that I've been eyeing lately.

I'm pretty sure it's been eyeing me back.

Here's a somewhat hard to follow song about bison.

And here's one that highlights a turkey.

Well, I missed the annual Cranksgiving ride again this year, but I will try to get out there next year because it seems like a good time. Hope all you Crankies enjoyed it.

How about some bike gear chat?  For all of you who enjoy reading reviews of gear before and/or after you buy it I submit for your consideration the Bike Nashbar mountain bike panniers.  One review informed me that these panniers may slide forward on your rack, and indeedy-do, they do occasionally do so, doh si doe.  Here is my finally finalized solution-

Not nearly as bad as all the sewing and jerry rigging I had to do to get my last stuff-comporter to stay aboard.
One last bit of bike dorkiness.  I felt pretty happy one day when I noticed this feature on Google maps -


Watch out for the turkey traffic and get bare those arms, just make sure you've got a license for them guns!

　
　
　
　the bicycling route-finder (on the "Traffic" drop-down menu, if you haven't noticed) is actually pretty darn good for finding less trafficky ways from A to B. 

Pay up!

November 11, 2011

As a pretentious sort, I often make a pretense of being a purely sedentary being. But, truth be told, I am actually slightly to moderately active. But we all need something to aspire to, whether it be sedentarianism or crankiness. As one with lofty goals and ideals, I dream of both. I'm probably a little crankier than I am sedentary. I was feeling pretty cranky the other day and here's why-

What is it with these types of people? Some of them drive around recklessly in their parents' SUVs. Some of them get to work late, leave early and just mess stuff up while they're around. Here at my new job as an underling at the offal factory, I've noticed that these types are as likely to be promoted to overseers as the more competent sorts. People land jobs based on connections, luck, location, school, etc. with no real correspondence between worth and pay. The earning ability of much of our work force has little correlation to effort. This is not at all similar to the purity of bicycling. You earn the distance you achieve. Bicycling is a pretty good representation of how to get ahead in an ideal world. This is why I advocate a factory-wide bicycling expedition for every business on alternating Tuesdays.

Similarly, I heard someone's stereo pumping out the peppy Pink Floyd tune "Another Brick in the Wall" on my way to work on Monday. Yes, Roger, perhaps we are. Or tomatoes in the chili, perhaps. But what kind of tomatoes? To really appreciate the value of a good chili, ingredients from one's own garden are optimal. Or are we simply factory-produced tomatoes in a can? Or are we just little tomatoes trying to hang on, as in this Pink Martini tune?

Whatever your conclusions are on these matters, I have evidence to prove that I have smirkingly garnered accolades for my somewhat unintentionally spicy chili entries into the factory chili cook off for two years running!

The mix really isn't that spicy, it's just that we midwesterners are quite bland in our eating preferences.

And what about these people with Christmas decorations up already!? Some of their neighbors still have jack-o-lanterns out! You skipped Thanksgiving! That's like being appointed program director of the tomato canning department right out of college. What about paying your dues?! We may not really want to pay dues, but once we've paid, most of us feel that everyone else should have to pay, too. Pay up!

So let's get out, get snotty, get cranky and pay the piper!

Oh and here's a way to pay something back, you smirking fat cats.  Benefit for Siena Francis House at Greenstreet Cycles, noon November 18 to noon November 19.

Beer me! It's a sasquatch!

November 6, 2011

I was pretty excited to start the 2011 Beer and Bagel Run this morning. I had been training strenuously by watching a video about one-legged squats and occasionally donning my Neonderthal-slippers for some moderate running around in the local park. Speaking of Neonderthal-slippers, I did note several hardy runners sporting them at the B&BR. Not this one, though. I ran comfortably along, often near Team Tutu

and other colorful characters. The course was well planned, with rolling hills,

scenic vistas

 and even a stream crossing (back and forth).

At one point I glimpsed a mysterious, shadowy form near the trail...a naked sasquatch!

For the love of..., hide the children! I have not seen the runner pictured since after this photo was taken, and I suppose there is an extremely remote possibility that she disappeared soon after this sasquatch encounter.
Further research revealed that sasquatch sightings near Nebraska rivers are not without precedant.

 I was able to easily grab a beer, then a bagel and kick back in the sunshine. Ahhhh. Good living, indeed. The DJ kept pumping out danceable tunes. The sasquatch was busting out some verdant, foresty dance moves.

I ambled about amiably. Met up with some friends and co-workers. Enjoyed the sunny warmth and beers. Runners lounged on limestone boulders along the slopes, lazily soaking up the sun like happy mountain goats, or hill goats at least. Or cavorted capriciously with the forest folk

I briefly thanked Mike Ewoldt, the race coordinator for an excellent event. It was difficult to leave, for me and Team Turkey.

But the beer had been put away and the parking lot was becoming mostly vacant, so I had to tear myself away and get back to real life. But I'll be back, beer and bagels, oh yes, I'll be back.

November 7, 2011

From evidence both anectdotal and unreliable, it certainly seems that bicyclists are much more abundant at this time of year compared to last year. Although it was rainy this evening and cool this morning I encountered two fellow cyclists during my newly dark evening commute. One was a kid that zipped out in front of me, mocking my moderate pace with his zippiness and flashing spoke reflectors. The other was kind enough to drop me a "Hi!" in exchange for a "Hello" as we rode upon our divergent, but equally soggy paths.  Ride on, me morons hardies, ride on!As I eventually found my way to the finish, I was happy to find several avenues of approach to the beer taps.

Cross! My heart!

November 2, 2011

Today was an exciting day for me, in a way. Parts of the day were gloomy and dark. Then it snowed, which I didn't really think would happen, since I regard weather forecasts (especially when it comes to precipitation) with unrelenting suspicion.

"It looks like small children are throwing eyeballs from heaven." I remarked to a colleague.
He looked at me warily, as we both continued guzzling the company swill and twitching.

By the time 5:00 rolled around I was unable to focus and tensely happy as I jumped on my bicycle, heart-thumping double-time, to head out for cyclo-cross witnessing. I observed the daytime resting place of Team Homunculus, the members of which rise at sunset for ghoulishly prowling the streets and bars of the city, on the lookout for spandex and Jaegermeister.

I made it to the cyclo-cross just in time to scan portions of the course and observe the start.

This event took place at Seymour Smith Park, where I had last witnessed some disc golfing. I was struck by the similarities: both activities involved round objects that rolled, spun freely in midair, and sometimes became entrapped within metal frames.

I observed many of the things I expected to see, including bicycles sliding around over slippery terrain, rapid mounting and dismounting of bicycles, and splashing through standing water. I also felt somewhat fortunate to observe two bicycles crashing and becoming entangled after the leader biffed it on a slippery corner. I was underwhelmed by some boards (maybe 2x8s or 2x10s) placed approximately 12 feet apart across the trail as obstacles. Most of the racers dismounted and jumped them, although the leader of the "A" group and a couple other cyclists bunny-hopped them and seemed to gain considerable time in doing so. Although these obstacles succeeded in causing most riders to dismount and then remount with an uncomfortable-looking impact between saddle and a portion of the anatomy apparently very close to the perineum, I was hoping for some kind of large wooden log A-frame for them to climb. Mark Savery (who is over 40-how's that for a kick to your perineum you young scallywags!) was the winner of the A-group. The "B" group raced for a half-hour, whereas the "A" group had to keep it up for one hour. Swan Bentley was fastest to finish in the B-group.  I asked a B-grouper how it was, and he stated that it was fun, but that he couldn't feel his toes.

I noted a variety of drive-trains, including single and double chain rings and even a single-speed (I think it was a Salsa Chili con Crosso).

A few things that I didn't see were a flat handlebar, a costume, a flask of brandy, or a beer tent. Oh, and no one dismounting by putting their right foot between their left leg and the bike frame (per USAC recommendations). I'm pretty sure they were just messing with me and all of the other clueless researchers into the mist-shrouded realm of cyclocrossing.

It appeared to be a competitive race under challenging conditions. Top 10 finishers in the A-group got to split $350 in prize money. So they're not in it for the money. Fun to watch. Probably pretty fun to participate. Another race occurs at the same place in a week!  Let's cross!

Fall lumen large

November 1, 2011

I was once again predictably befuddled by the upcoming daylight losing time. After some long, slow, Eeyore-esque pondering, I've come to the conclusion that it will get dark earlier in the evening, which means that it will also get bright earlier in the morning. This brightness is generally not early enough for this early extrapolator, however, and so we turn to the hot topic of the shortening day - bicycle headlights. Yes, everywhere you go, bicyclists are elucidating others about lumens and battery types with unselfconscious gusto. So I am about to dive into this brightly shining pool of knowledge with no clothes on. Night swimming. Just like the R.E.M. song!

Here are some things that I have just managed to learn about bicycle lights.
Nevermind. Didn't really learn much. I find that I can see pretty well with my mature Nite Rider Headtrip.  It's not super bright, but I don't ride that fast, so we're a good match.  Nowadays there are many brighter options. Here are some websites which expostulate at length about the merits and demerits of various bright and focused models of illumination.

1. Lumicycle (UK) overview of some lighting options
2. LED bike lights shootout (Mtbr.com)
3. Liberterian-esque DIY dissertation about bicycle lighting 

Speaking of libertarians, I noticed while trick or treating the other night that a person with a Ron Paul sign posted in their yard also sported a pool table in their living room.  This led me to inform my nearly 2-year old niece that libertarians have pool tables in their living rooms.  So if you are a libertarian and you have a living room, maybe you should get a pool table.  Or if you have a pool table in your living room, maybe you are a libertarian at heart.  Search your souls, seekers of truth.  Seek lumeningly.