Pay up!

November 11, 2011

As a pretentious sort, I often make a pretense of being a purely sedentary being. But, truth be told, I am actually slightly to moderately active. But we all need something to aspire to, whether it be sedentarianism or crankiness. As one with lofty goals and ideals, I dream of both. I'm probably a little crankier than I am sedentary. I was feeling pretty cranky the other day and here's why-

What is it with these types of people? Some of them drive around recklessly in their parents' SUVs. Some of them get to work late, leave early and just mess stuff up while they're around. Here at my new job as an underling at the offal factory, I've noticed that these types are as likely to be promoted to overseers as the more competent sorts. People land jobs based on connections, luck, location, school, etc. with no real correspondence between worth and pay. The earning ability of much of our work force has little correlation to effort. This is not at all similar to the purity of bicycling. You earn the distance you achieve. Bicycling is a pretty good representation of how to get ahead in an ideal world. This is why I advocate a factory-wide bicycling expedition for every business on alternating Tuesdays.

Similarly, I heard someone's stereo pumping out the peppy Pink Floyd tune "Another Brick in the Wall" on my way to work on Monday. Yes, Roger, perhaps we are. Or tomatoes in the chili, perhaps. But what kind of tomatoes? To really appreciate the value of a good chili, ingredients from one's own garden are optimal. Or are we simply factory-produced tomatoes in a can? Or are we just little tomatoes trying to hang on, as in this Pink Martini tune?

Whatever your conclusions are on these matters, I have evidence to prove that I have smirkingly garnered accolades for my somewhat unintentionally spicy chili entries into the factory chili cook off for two years running!

The mix really isn't that spicy, it's just that we midwesterners are quite bland in our eating preferences.

And what about these people with Christmas decorations up already!? Some of their neighbors still have jack-o-lanterns out! You skipped Thanksgiving! That's like being appointed program director of the tomato canning department right out of college. What about paying your dues?! We may not really want to pay dues, but once we've paid, most of us feel that everyone else should have to pay, too. Pay up!

So let's get out, get snotty, get cranky and pay the piper!

Oh and here's a way to pay something back, you smirking fat cats.  Benefit for Siena Francis House at Greenstreet Cycles, noon November 18 to noon November 19.