A plasmatic reflection

July 21, 2014

Have you ever been worried about your financial status in relation to impending financial obligations?  If your response is in the affirmative, then perhaps you have taken a trip down to your local plasma donation center (PDC).  I used to be a fairly regular donator back in my college days.  Then I returned to college a while back and eventually ended up spending most of my savings.  So yesterday I paid a visit to my local PDC. 

As I was heading over to video booth 3 to watch a video about plasma donation details and specifications, I clumsily bumped my foot between the chair leg and the wall of the narrow nook.  I ended up opening my elbow scab from the scrape I inflicted upon myself during my latest trip to Tranquility Park.  

After waiting around for another hour, the busy but amiable nurse examined my arms, dabbed my elbow with a cloth and got a little blood so I was summarily dismissed.  No open wounds allowed!  Well guess what, Nurse Friendly, I am clumsy and getting clumsier.  I am also a bicycler and a frequently confused DIY-er, so I will probably not be back to your PDC because I always have cuts and scrapes on arms and legs, etc.  But, please, both of you dear readers, do not fret about my financial situation.  I have a good job lead and I hope that I will not be needing the PDC’s $50 for 2-4 hours of my time (1^st visit, probably closer to 2 hours on subsequent trips).  It was still nice to get out for some pedaling.  The PDC also had a nice bike rack. 

On the way back I started reflecting upon my recent back-to-school experience.  I realized that I will never be a great rock-n-roll educator like I had previously envisioned.  For one thing, me and kids don’t have the same interests.  For example, I think my proper Hogwarts school is Hufflepuff, whereas an 8^th grader once tried to tell me she thought I was Ravenclaw!  As if!  It’s like these kids just can’t relate!  I also like One Direction whereas these kids are all into One Direction plus some other bands that I don’t know anything about!  My inability to find common interests with kids these days is so severe that I had not even visited the local BMX track out at Heflinger Park to try to communicate with them about something that I am vaguely familiar with - bicycles.  I had no intention of visiting it either, until I saw this sign.

I took this as a sign that I should visit the track.  It is very nice.  

A friend of mine informed me that they had recently finished some pretty major improvements.  I would have taken the Bastard on a lap or two, but there were pesky munchkins with large, full helmets and squinty eyes pedaling about sinisterly.  

One of them appeared to be looking at my shins the way a dog looks at a mailman’s leg.  I beat it.  Now I don't know much, but I also do not know anything much about BMXing.  I have a hunch, though, that there are parents who sign their kids up to BMX and parents who prefer a nice shady multi-use trail with their offspring securely perched atop a stable steed.

As I rode along the multi-use trail that now extends for much of the way from 90^th to 144^th on the north side of Blondo, 

I happily day-dreamed about retiring at one of our fair city’s nice-looking retirement communities.  

No I did not edit this.  The grass is really that green!

That gazebo looked like a sweet place to have a nice glass of iced tea and maybe some homemade ice cream.  I think I can handle the cantankerous part of retirement, but I’m not looking forward to the potential incontinence and related health problems.  I just hope I can ride my bicycle until I am 100, like in this inspirational novel/guide.  

Things are getting better.  I can feel it.  On the way home I even saw my Hogwart's school totem - the hard-working groundhog of Hufflepuff.  

Plasmatics?  Why sure!  Although I don't know if Wendy and the Plasmatics were bicyclers, they certainly donated some bodily fluids of many varieties to various causes!    

Ride far and free my friends! 

Tranqed and loving it

July 17, 2014

Did you go on the Owl Ride last Saturday?  Well, whoop-de-doo-who to you!  I hope it was an illuminating adventure.  I did not go because I was otherwise occupied - celebrating a birthday, if you must know.  How was it?  Well the birthday was great, what about the Owl Ride?  

As I was preparing my mountainous bicycle for my annual ride out at our fair Tranquility Park, I was (as usual) bitching to myself about something.  In this particular instance, I was bitching to myself about how much of a pain it is to remove my 1.25 inch smoothie tyres from my beefy Rhino Lite rims.  Do you feel me, or are you a person who has a road bicycle and a mountainous bicycle?  If you chose the latter, then perhaps you can still enjoy picturing my situation whilst you relax and enjoy a snifter of fine brandy in your silken night robe.  I am not in that category because I am a) cheap and b) low on funds at the moment.  Anyway, there I was removing my skinny-ass tyres

 in order to replace them with a wider 2.0-inch tyre I fondly refer to as “Pythons” (because the tyre is a Hutchinson Python) 

when I happened to espy this creature perambulating around in my immediate vicinity.

I was not pleased with this development because ticks are supposed to stay out where the long grass doth growest.  What’s next, will they be hanging out in malls?  I set aside my usual magnanimity towards our eight-legged friends and crushed him with my tyre lever.  That is one less Rocky Mountain Wood Tick to worry about friends.  You're welcome.  Then I rode my bicycle around the park, which was dusty, fast, and enjoyable.  If you are like me, you are a person who likes to go fast on a mountain bike, but who sometimes crashes as a result.  I crashed my bike by hitting my handlebar on a tree (I just got a new, wider handlebar).  

Then I met up with some friendly folks who also participate in T.H.O.R.’s trail maintenance and building activities at the park. 

 

Thanks Linda, Paul, and Eric!

Then my friend Rich got there and he talked me into riding his Surly Pugsley, which was fun.  It was less different from riding a regular mountain bike than I would have thought.  Not a bad climber.  Smooth and stable feeling on the downhill and bumpy sections.  A little easier to hold a line.  Comfortable.  I switched back to Shifty for the rest of the second lap and I continued to crash occasionally.  I finally let some more air out of my tyres in order to try to get a bit more surface area on the dusty dirt. 

Did you know that RAGBRAI starts next week?  That’s pretty neat.  Let me know how that works out for you all.  I hear that it is stopping in Okoboji this year.  That sounds pretty swell.  If I were in Okoboji I would jump into some water and shout “Whhooooo!” just like everybody else does.  I have never been there, but I do imagine mustering the funds together in order to take the family up there for a week of fun on the water someday. 

Did you know that Paul McCartney is on tour?  He even stopped here in Omaha for a little while!  As everybody knows, Paul has a deep relationship with bicycles and he and I were planning on going on a tandem bicycle tour of town, but then he abruptly canceled when I showed up in my usual full leather bicycling attire which apparently was not in keeping with Sir Paul’s vegan tendencies, not to mention his properly British sense of decorum.  I guess that was okay because instead of bicycling about with a gimp he got to spend some time with hisfine-brandy-drinking buddy Warren Buffett.  Sir Paul went on a bicycle tour of Santiago, Chile recently.  Apparently Santiago is the most bicycle-friendly town in Chile, if not the whole garden of L'America del Sud con accentes los perros y las perras!  It is also near Peru, home of Lima, which is where the Lima beans that I "just now" (i.e., yesterday) planted in my garden are undoubtedly from. 

PM and I are also no stranger to bike accidents on two wheels.  He told me that he was involved in an accident on a moped, which is not really a bike.  Here are some quotes from an interview that he did awhile back - 

He started to finger his lip, almost without thinking, and I asked him about the reports that he'd broken a tooth.
"You're right," he admitted candidly. "I did it not long ago when I came off a moped. Now I've had it capped... Look."
I looked but I couldn't see anything. A perfect mend. Only a small scar remains on his lip as a souvenir."
"It was quite a serious accident at the time. It probably sounds daft, having a serious accident on a motorized bicycle, but I came off it hard and I got knocked about a bit. My head and lip were cut and I broke the tooth."
I was only doing about 30 at the time, but it was dark and I hit a stone and went flyin' through the air. It was my fault... it was a nice night and I was looking at the moon."
He sipped his tea and reached for a cigarette.

I also sip tea, but instead of reaching for a cigarette, I prefer cheap vodka.  

Do you feel the need for speed?  Or at leat the need to see speed?  You could hop on a bicycle or a moped.  Or you may want to head on down to Offutt AFB to check out the air show this weekend.  You can probably see most of it from the south end of the Keystone Trail.  There is even valet parking on the Base for bicyclers.  Even if you just have one bike!  Funny right!?  Just don’t snort on that expensive brandy.

 

http://maccaboard.paulmccartney.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=86202&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=765&sid=1b384d2ef37882b90c8f9c361d268368

http://maccaboard.paulmccartney.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=86202&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=765&sid=1b384d2ef37882b90c8f9c361d268368

Improving your wood, one plank at a time!

July 11, 2014

Many of us here in the land of Omaha have recently experienced something that those in the land of Chief Seattle might reefer to as “liquid sunshine.”  If you would care to peruse some data, here is a link that illustrates the rainfall quantities we’ve recently (en)joy/dur(ed).  http://average-rainfall.findthebest.com/l/152/Omaha-Nebraska What this all means to me is this –

 

Mudflood!

that’s right, my Da and I were not able to easily or cleanly ride around the Bluffs of the Council at our whim.  After shaking my fist and booty angrily towards the heavens we were relegated to an out and back expedition on the Wabash Trace Trail.  Here is what we found.

 

These bicyclers are actually regular-sized, those tree leaves are just really big!  Whoa!  And yes, I believe that is a Sun Cycles EZ Tandem

More signage = more money to...

….

…remove old, dilapidated bridge planks and...

…replace with beautiful new wood...

…and provide more suitable habitat for snakes to safely sun.

What else is happening?  Well, I am glad to hear that Carlos Morales is still working with the government of the erstwhile capital of the land of Omaha, also known as the City of Omaha.  In fact if you attend the Mode Shift Omaha meeting on July 23, 2014 at UNO’s Weitz Community Engagement Center - 6001 Dodge Street (Rm 201)  you will have a chance to hear from Mr. Morales and perhaps to talk with him.  I am somewhat curious to see how his role may have changed based on the ascendency of our new queen of Omaha who seemed less than subtly unconcerned about advancing our bicyclers’ agenda.  Unlike many politicos, I am not shy about describing my agenda.  And as usual, I believe that I type for a slight majority of bicyclers in the western part of the Papio-Missouri watershed.  So here it is –

1.     Bicyclers shall be a protected species similar, yet not as agile as our totem, the swamp jaguar.  Penalties for infringing upon our habitat (i.e., multi-use trails, sides of roads, portions of intersections, etc.) will be enforced by our tribal elders.

2.     Bicyclers shall be allowed to leave work early once a week in order to participate in a bicycling event of their choosing.  They will gladly make up the time that they miss tomorrow.  Their make up time will consist almost entirely of talking about their sweet bicycling event with a coworker who may or may not be unwillingly picturing their coworker in spandex bibs…. (and nothing else!) the whole time they are talking.  

3.     Bicyclers will meet up at the local bar tomorrow at 8 to unionize and think of some more agenda components.  

So, beautiful yet aloof and taciturn erstwhile queen of we Omaha-ers, please joint me for a bicycle ride about our fair city tomorrow at 9 to tour about our fair city carefreeily and chat about bicycles and spandex.  I've got a few extra bikes if you need to borrow one.      

Freedoming down the holiday

July 7, 2014

As Bob Seeger has ofttimes intoned, "It seems like yesterday but it was long ago" in this case about 2 days ago.  Hope you had a great weekend and a good start to the dog days your week!

July 4, 2014

Here in the US of usiness we’ve got a little tradition we call F-off overbearing imperialist swine, also known as Independence Day or the Fourth of July.  It’s pretty fucking great.  There is a lot of noise.  We blow shit up.  We play music.  We blow more shit up.  Did you have a pleasant and/or explosive holiday?  Mine has been great and there’s still 1.25 hours left!  What did I do?  Well shucks, I’m kinda shy about sharing.  Alright, you talked me into it!  First I woke up and went with Mrs. Snot and Baby Toddler Snot to a parade.  It was great!  It was also kind of hot and by the time we were finished we were ready for the popsicles being handed out.  Unfortunately Baby Toddler Snot was not able to really bite into the popsicle due to his rather sparse dentition (2 out of 4 upper canines).  So I ate the popsicle.  Then he looked sad and needy and requested ice cream.  So I feet-flopped it back to the in-laws and grabbed some ice cream.  He didn’t really seem to want any so I ate all the ice cream.  Then I got home and re-roped and flagged our flag pole using wire, a section of a roof rake, plenty of duct tape and mason’s line.  It was pretty exciting stuff, let me tell you!  But wait, Mr. Popiel, there’s more!  Then I went for a bicycle ride to Chalco Hills where I enjoyed a lovely outdoor concert by the Swingtones and the Nebraska Wind Symphony.  Here are some highlights.  

This lovely couple had a bike trailer built for (and hauling) two!

The trailer is an Instep.

Narragansett Del's Shandy was awesome!  Thanks!

Eric Williams is the Papio-Missouri River NRD's new Trail Guy!  Here's the e-version of this Spring issue of Spectrum.  Can't wait for summer edition!

 Unfortunately these video highlights were purely sonic in nature since I was too lazy to get off my keister to get any decent video footage, but I didn't really want to be that f-ing guy with his butt blocking my view of the festivities.  And yes, that is Miss Majorette of Nebraska twirling that baton! 

After the concert I rode my bike to our family rendezvous under the golden arches.  On the way I saw a herd of deer.  I pedaled back home with fireworks exploding incessantly in most, if not all, directions.  It was great! 

Now I am here at home and enjoying some air conditioning, Bruce Springsteen (of course), and cheap (non-homophobic-Russian) vodka (also of course). 

So what have you been up to?  Are you going on the Owl Ride coming up in just over less than a week (July 12)?  I am kind of strapped for cash right now so I may not be able to actually register (unless you wanna loan me 30 bucks, trust me, I’m good for it!) but I may happen to be out bicycling on some of the same roads by happenstance. 

Here is a bicycle rack at an undisclosed location that I used the other day that I was not really impressed with.

What else is happening?  I am not sure, but I hope to hear all about it the next time we meet up. 

How about the United Stateses roles in the world?  Well, I think Omaha’s role (at least nationally) has grown somewhat to include irritating baseball coaches whose teams can’t hit as many home runs as they would like due to the strong seasonal winds from the south we experience here during June/July.  To these complainers I say “Haha!”  I also say maybe you should practice batting while pedaling a bicycle because then you will tend to have some wind blowing in your face and you may develop a more powerful swing after the first few obligatory scrapes and bruises. 

But back to the USA’s roll in the world’s cup.  Well we our national futbol team won a few futbol con accente juegos and then we our boys lost to Belgium.  That is okay.  I think our national team will improve rapidly as soon as they begin playing futbol con bicicletes or “wheeled soccer” as we will come to know and love to call it as we gradually expand our imperialistic tendencies towards grabbing the world’s cup. 

Speaking of cups, have you been wearing yours lately?  There was this one time when I was playing a pick-up game of soccer without a cup and the ball hit me in a rather sensitive area of my anatomy (i.e., my ‘nads).  After I slowly recovered (about 2 minutes), I swore I would never play the world’s favorite sport ever again and it turned out I was actually able to procreate.  I also don’t often watch soccer, but when I do I watch it it’s in a bar with a Tecate (or some other type of beer).  

Alright!  Grab your ball or balls, get out there and pedal and you are sure to be a wiener/winner and/or reach your GOOOOAAAAAL!  What is this obsolete attempts at humour amateur eve!?  Hey!  F-you imperialist swine!  Freeeduuuummm!