Tuesday, March 20, 2018

13 moons of taking credit

March 20, 2018
Dearest Reader,
How many moons has it been since we last met?  Hmmm.  I think you’re right!  About one or so.  I have recently become more interested in moons because Snot Jr. has a book entitled Thirteen Moons on Turtle’s Back.  I also recently witnessed a supermoon.  
Morning Supermoon When Geese Come Home
Evening Supermoon When Geese Come Home
I believe we have recently experienced what the Umoho tribe refer to as the Moon When Geese Come Home, and now the Little Frog Moon is waxing (on).  Each moon (cycle) is typically considered to begin as the moon begins to wax after the time of the new moon. 
It is also a time of year that is commonly known as spring.  Here is a symbol of spring.  The tyre. 

And the robin.  

Forever may they safely dance together as in days of yore.  It is also the time of conceiving.  And the time of the snipping of the vas deferens.  That is right, Mrs. Snot and I have almost agreed that we don’t need to be chasing any more rugrats around for many more moons than we already have  to come.  Also, I figured it would give me some I don't need anymore time to relax, spend some quality time with my balls (and ice and liquor), and catch up on some tv.  Here are some shows/movies I’ve recently thought maybe I'd I'm glad I don't have to watch while recovering from my puncture wounds:  
  • Portlandia (because it has bikes in it and might be funny, although I've not heard anyone tell me it was funny yet)
  • The Expanse (because it has space and, possibly, space bikes)
  • Archer (because it is definitely funny, and I bet either Cyril or Kreiger will ride a bicycle at some point [although neither of them have yet and I'm already on Season 3])  
Recently I have been trying to contribute towards the wellness of the clan by performing one civic duty per moon, although so far it’s more like one per season.  In order to receive credit for my recent contribution I used a method known as photo documentation.  Here is what occurred: 


As you may have surmised, I gathered up some chunks of asphalt that were at the place where the multi-use trail meets a road at the bottom of the hill by Kitty-Cat Holler.  I then transported them to the place where the multi-use trail meets the railroad track and pitched them into the scree at the base of the place where the level crossing meets the grass. 

For my next act of civic duty, I intend to be voluntarily sterilized conceive many more civic-minded babies.  Although both of these acts are primarily selfless, they are secondarily self-serving.  For act 1, the chunks were in an area where I am typically reaching maximum speed on the Ol’ B (maybe about 30 mph, I’m guessing?).  Therefore, a direct hit with an asphalt chunk may have resulted in a dreaded endo onto pavement (aka endo-CRACK!).  Now with the chunks out of the way, it seems less treacherous, although there is still a mid-sized pothole that is less visible without the chunks to mark its periphery.  As for act 2, there are never enough is enough already!  Seriously, though, the kids are great. It is a biological imperative to produce as many offspring as possible in order to win the genetic battle royale.  It’s a battle of the head and the heart, as promulgated by the recently banjo-deprived Mumford and Sons just as Robert Smith always said.  Never Enough.  


My heart told my head let love grow (by uniting with a female human’s egg and developing into a human child).  But my head told my heart, this time no, this time no (the human population is quite robust as it is, my contributions may be more valuable in other areas) okay, let's go, yes let's go.

So there you have my cockamamie notions and admirable acts of mostly selflessness.  I’ll keep you informed of my efforts to spread peace and somewhat selfless acts of penance/gratitude.  Thank you for your contributions and credit.

Restfully yours,
BSO