Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Yule Love this Tyre!

December 24, 2014

Dear Reader,
What has been happening lately in this world of ours?  Hmmmm.  I see.  I did not know that.  I am blissfully unaware of most events that are outside my immediate vicinity, you see.  This outlook is common during this busy time of year here in the USness of Mexico’s piƱata con tilda.  Why just the other day I was bicycling carefreely down the multi-use trail and across an intersection when I noted several vehicles bustling along several seconds after the traffic signal had clearly indicated that the time for restful sitting still had befallen!  "What mayhem is this!?" cried I to my faithful steed, who did not reply but instead stood soggily and stoicly blinking multudinous Christmassy colours of glad tidings.  Yep.  People be crazy.

Well, if you are reading this, it is my understanding that you have probably survived the Christmas melee (avec accent!) and are likely to succeed in reaching the coveted New Year of 2015 and possibly even the much sought after Year of the Female Wood Sheep which will begin on February 19, 4, 3,  2015 early February.   Congratulations! 

As I struggled to convey to you in my most recent post, there is a way to receive virtual credit for your bicycling expeditions here in the town of Om.  Aha!  Yes, you can simply access this website and begin logging your miles for the Omaha Winter Bicycle Challenge and making yourself feel that feeling!  Yep.  That’s the one! 

Hey have you heard that there are now portly bicycles with front forks so that you can mushily ride over and through brambles, brush, belligerent badgers, and broken branches with aplomb and a buzz and without the usual possibility of flying in a predictably unpredictable direction upon encountering these former obstacles?   Here it is, and soon it is my understanding that it will perform appropriately at temperatures below freezing, which is important for those drivers of plentifully proportioned Pugzies. 

At this point you might well be asking yourself, why is this man still typing?  And that is a good question.  Tough, but fair.  Hey, look at these tyres!


One is old, one is new.  One is also the Maxxis Overdrive Elite!  The other is the humble Maxxis Overdrive.  Yes, I have finally always embraced the USian strategy of elitism.  My tyre must be superior to those other lowly tyres which might allow riders to become dehorsed at awkward times and places and possibly flattened by a plump bicycle, bicyclist, Clydesdale, and/or Hummer. 

Here is my review of the original Maxxis Overdrive.  I will further bombast the blogging sphere with my notions as to why the Elite is so much better than you or your flimsy, unreliable tyres upon which you have lavished so much trust, affection, and unrelenting Turtle Wax.  My first impressions are the following:  
  1. I nearly had a fit trying to mount this tyre upon my needy rim.  It was a Rhyno Lite rim, which is a full-figured rim.  I cursed.  I muttered.  I pinched a hole into my tube.  I bitched to Mrs. Snot who acted concerned.  I read this pearl-for-swine of wisdom:  The crucial point he makes on the video is that the tire bead doesn't stretch and is the limiting factor in getting the tire on. Thus you need to push the bead into the well of the rim on the sides opposite to the last bit you're trying to get on.  I also set the tyre inside for a day and tried to calm down.  
  2. It seems to be quite grippy upon cold and wet pavement, which is what I was hoping for.
  3. It has an especially thick center part of the tread, which hopefully means good puncture resistance and long wear.  Especially since it was such a bitch to get on the rim that I left off my usual Mr. Tuffy tyre liners.


Hey!  Shouldn’t there be a bicycle movie at a local theater!?  Let me look into that.  Nope.  Not that I have been able to discover.  Possibly a bicycle event of some other sort?  Nope.  C'mon!
Here is a blog about "transportation bicycling" here in Omaha, that I have not until recently witnessed.  

Well, now it is Christmas and I wish you a very happy and fulfilling one.  Let's bicycle!

BS of O - yeah!
http://hedgy.com/photovbv/Kool-Aid-Meme.html

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Winter?! Where?! How!?

December 4, 2014
Seasonal greetings to you!  And to you!  James Brown is smiling in heaven.  And I have been smiling whilst bicycling about and thinking about that first precious spin of my hard drive as it cranks out “Christmas in Heaven.” 

What have you been doing with yourself of late?  Please text me for a chance to win an exciting interactive musical bicycling funkfest prize if you actually tell me (in detail) what you have been doing with yourself.   Mmmmmm.  Feels good!

Here are some things that I have been itching to bee listing for yous. 
1.1     I went out bicycling on Thanksgiving Eve and it was cold.  Also Bob did not go. ;-{(->
2. 2    My tyre was not able to withstand the festive fatness of my inner tub(e) any longer and burst at the seam.
Bye Kenda Kwest!  You were great!

3. 3    Did you know that you can log your bicycling myles at the following self-indulgently improving web siteuation? https://www.endomondo.com/challenges/19093104
4. 4    That is all.

But wait!  That is not all.  How’s about some philosophizing?!

Some base their worldview around their actions.  Others have a worldview upon which they base their actions.  Still others have acted upon their base worldly basic instinctive stinkiness, & et cetera.  Wherefore art thou sense?  Herefore.  What is upon us with this portly bicycle-mania?  
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatbike

I am as befuddled as usual!?  I do not have the thyme, energy, or liquid assets to jump upon this cushy trendfest of comfortable happiness.  “Why?” you may be asking yourself or others.  Well, it is probably because I’m cheap and also I value my garage space.  It is also due to my minimalist tendencies, although I do not like to burden myself with the label of a minimalist.  Also I am hoping to find the perfect commuter bicycle with a dynamo that powers daytime running lights, a USB port, a cigarette lighter, and a flirtatious onboard GPS navigational system to guide me seamlessly through the seamy neighborhoods I sometimes find myself riding through.  And that is when I ask myself, “How did I get here?”
Close, but no cigar.  http://inhabitat.com/silverback-builds-urban-bikes-with-usb-chargers-for-your-gadgets/


But I am not above enjoying a balloon tyre enjoymental orgy.  Is there, I ask, a way for a man of meager means to enjoy a semblance of big-boned bicycle smiling without expending resources upon a Clydesdale of such plentiful proportions?  Why yes!  It's a very wide tyre!  Like this!:

http://www.schwalbe.com/en/offroad-reader/hans-dampf.html
 

Well, I do knot know a hole lot, but I do know how I got here.  I drank some coffee of the uppity variety at 7 p.m.!?!?  I know!?   No, I don’t know why, but I do know how.  Alright, nice chat.  Now, get back to something productive!  The both of yous!