Baaarrr in them hills!

May 29, 2013

Greetings = Shalom = Namaste = Feliz Cabeza.

I hope your Memorial Day weekend was a fulfilling and enjoyable one.  Mine was good.  I went to Colorado where marijuana was recently legalized.  Although I expected vendors to be hawking various varieties of bud, I instead encountered throngs of youngish fittish people with an average of 1.5 tattoos and 0.3 babies/individual.  There were also quite a few bicyclers.  And a rusty old Schwinn cruiser for sale for $299.  I found myself in the pleasant hamlet of Manitou Springs, where I walked around the shopping area for a while with a recently hatted Baby Snot in a Baby Bjorn.  I astutely noted some mountainous terrain in the nearbyness and thusly proposed a family expedition for which I was banished to the steepness by my humble self.  

As I have stated previously, I apologize for the increased cutesy baby-oriented lingo that will henceforth be unavoidable in these postings.  Baby Snot inflicts his influence, much like a tornado, with no regard to consequences for me or anyone else.

I gathered half of my wits together and ambled amiably towards the mountains.  It was at the base of the steep terrain that I found a sign with a map which illustrated the path of a trail called Barr Trail that I intended to explore for approximately 2 hours. I found that the path extended all the way up to the summit of Pike’s Peak!  

Pretty cool!  I realized that I didn’t have time to get there (13 miles from the trailhead), but I was wearing my “active” flip-flops so I gamely embarked upon some switchbacks to make up for the 20 hours or so of car time involved in getting out to the happy little trees and jolly mountains. 

Here are some of the fun things I viewed upon my walk.

I also met a couple with some hefty packs who were returning.  “Did you go all the way to the peak?” I inquired, jaw agape.  “Almost.  Snow was too deep.”  “Wow!  Musta been fun!” I exclaimed enthusiastically.  My enthusiasm was not returned.

I also met a couple of guys who were headed up to tackle the standard route, a snow route called Y Couloir which can apparently be seen from the highway. 

Here was a steep trail that headed in the same general direction as the switchbacks.

I think they are like those flagellants performing penance, or those prostrating circumambulating monks or something.

Crowded place, but I enjoyed experiencing some good naturely ambling before returning back to the family.

I returned home to find that I had received another one of the persistent advertisements from the Bike Rack informing me that the BR now has a advocacy guy who will keep us all informed about the state of bicycle advocacy-type issues here in the O-ha.  That is pretty great.  Especially since our current pro-bicycle mayor, one Jimothy Suttle, will soon be replaced by a different mayor whose attitude towards the plight of the humble bicycle and its tenders (i.e., bicyclers) is (like most things) not clear to me. 

As you were probably already aware, Here is an interview with Sarah Johnson of Omaha Bicycle Company on a blog called The Crux.

Hey did you realize the 33rd annual Bicycle Ride Across Nebraska (BRAN) starts this weekend!?  Well it does!  The theme for this year’s ride may be the Historic Highway Tour and begins out at Kimball, Nebraska.  Best wishes BRANiacs!  Please send me a postcard or something.  

Toodles.

Bicycling Bliss! Lincoln, NE?

May 21, 2013

A few days ago I engaged in what for me and many of us bicyclers is an enjoyable excursion - bicycling upon a paved multi-use trail for the first time!  To say I enjoyed it would be a bit of an understatement.  In fact, I am pumping up my tube as I type just thinking about the experience.  I have a foot pump, so it's pretty easy.  There are many names associated with the route that I used to travel from near 84th and Havelock, where I drove my car with my trusty steed Shifty attached, to the city campus of Cornhucking.  As you may recall, I have recently been self-appointed to the position of bike czar for the University of Nebraksa-Linkingham and I am literally drunk with the power.  But before I get to the be-czariness of it all, here is a visual representation of the trail I pedaled through on my way to my czardom.

If there is one another thing that we bicyclers like to pump their tubes for, it is an abundance of signage.

Based on my experiences on the John Dietrich, Murdock, and Shanda Dixon Trails, there are plenty of signs to guide one during their sojourns in our stately capitol.  I even beheld the elusive quadruple stacker

(granted two of them go together, but a triple stacker ain't too bad either, eh, old hoss?)!

It was a joyous Xcapade escapade indeed.

Then I got onto campus/my czardom where I beheld many happy bicyclers such as this one.

I also witnessed some bicycle segregation.

 Also the Huffy pictured above appears to have been the subject of some bullying, as evinced by the detached pedal in the lower left foreground.  C'mon, silver-medalers!  We are better than this!

Good to see crazy-ass locking to the rail still flies at Abel-Sandoz!  Party on!

Luckily I encountered a young lady with a parasol who brightened my mood before I returned to my vehicle via the John Dietrich, Murdock, and Shanda Dixon Trails.

Unfortunately the next day I witnessed the aftermath of a bicycle-car collision.

Thankfully it appeared to have been at relatively slow speeds, and the young lady on the bicycle was able to walk her bike away from the scene of the accident.  The motorist stopped and interacted with the bicycler in what seemed to be a civil manner and I felt it was probably as good a conclusion to an unfortunate event as could be expected.  

Anyway, thank you for riding safely and please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns.

                                                                              Respectfully submitted,

                                                                              Your humble czar

Cantankerous reflections of a fun taco ride

May 17, 2013

WARNING:  This post contains an abundance of gratuitous, disgruntled swearing.  Read on at your discretion.

As you may know, I am a cantankerous coot.  Hence not many people care to go out bicycling with me.  But I had been assured by multiple personages that I would be riding with 2 or more other suckers bicyclers when I embarked upon a ride for tacos at the traditional Thursday night Taco Ride.  Of course I did not follow up/verify their participation because I despise communication that does not involve me blabbering on inanely about bicycles.  Also I like to live in my happy, deluded world where people actually do what they say they are going to do or at least let you know if their plans change.  What I did not reckon on was that many of us USians are lazy, unreliable pussies.  There.  I cantankerously said it.  Now I'm sure lots of fellow bicyclers will want to go bicycling with me!  It's a vicious cycle.  Kind of like this one that I happened upon at the UNL campus where I have recently (just now actually) self-appointed myself Campus Bike Czar at this silver-level bicycle-friendly campus.

With me as bike czar this whole bike-friendly thing is gonna get friendly as all fuck.  Whether you like it or not, assholes!

The bike is a Fixie Thruster.  It is a vicious cycle because it makes you keep pedaling.  Also because it probably has inferior components and appears to be from Target or Walmart.  Let me look into this.  Yep.  Walmart.  I guess if you're gonna buy a cheap bike, a fixie should be a good one to go with since there are fewer moving parts than on most bikes.

Despite, or perhaps because of, my lack of compadres de los tacos con accento, I had a fun night out.  I fumed most of the way to Margaritaville, but then I kicked back and conversed with a fellow loner.  It wasn't very crowded, but got more and more crowded.  I tried out the porta-pottie/kybo and was pleased with the ambiance.  I thought about turning back in order to convey my displeasure at being ditched by my erstwhile comrades to the universe.  Then I realized that that would be a dick move and that no one really would give a fuck and I would just become even more cantankerous (which is likely inevitable).  So I rode on.  Had a pleasant trio of veggie tacos and a couple beers.

Both beers were pricier than last year - $2.75 for a Bud Light draught and $2.75 for a Bud Light bottle.  Welcome riders, you've been Tobey Jacked.  I shouldn't bitch, but I'm trying to get some cantankerousness out of my system.  Also new since I'd been out on a t-ride is a bus that will take your drunk/injured ass back to the trailhead for $10 (if he gets 5 or more riders).  And I heard that Austin's on the Trail down in Silver City is closed, at least for the time being.  Bummer.

I shared a table in the corner with a couple of guys from Team Tilted.  They conversed with me and other nearby diners about the upcoming RAGBRAI.  Here is my lonely corner where I finished one of my beers.  Alone.

I took my other beer out to the bar, where I spotted Lance in an ad.

I kind of like seeing him more these days.  He's more like me.  Angry.  Alone.  Give me a call, LA.  We'll hit up a taco ride.  Maybe a day of RAGBRAI.  Alright, I'm gonna get some rest now and maybe I'll be less of a whiny ass when I get back to you.  Yeah right.  Have a nice weekend.  Here's a happy video to make up for my bitching.

Umbrage for hire!

Many people enjoy utilizing the utilitarian machine we refer to as a bicycle for utilitarian purposes.  Here are some fellow bicyclers who have picked up some much-needed supplies to stock their larders with some sundries.

I, too, have brought supplies from here to there and back fairly often.  Often enough that I noticed my tyre tube had sprung a leak as I arrived at my hacienda following my day's travelling and hauling of sundries.  It turned out to be related to the condition of the tyre itself, as shown here.

Cause of flat - fingered!

Did you know that here in the Uof SAssiness it is Bike to Work Week this upcoming week?  Well I, for one, am not participating as I have recently been promoted to unemployment due to various schemes and ploys.  And  I also, for the first time, now take a small amount of umbrage (maybe one or two umbos, is that the right unit of measurement for umbrage?) at the title of this week.  What about a more inclusive title such as Bike Places Week?  What is this constant overvaluation of work?  Sure you might be able to get paid doing it, but you can also get paid for being born rich, so why not try that?  What?!  Maybe get adopted?

Next Saturday is the lovable Wear Yellow Ride which begins at the Strategic Air Command Museum near Ashland, Nebraska.  I hope to see you there.  I may even be in way better shape than you because I will have plenty of time to bike more exciting places than to work!  Hah!  Yeah, that's not likely.  Bicycle on, workers, et al!

Hey Quacker!  Maybe if you were biking to work you wouldn't have such a big bill to pay!  Yuck, yuck.  (I do mean "yuck" as in that's more awful than the usual drivel that passes for duck humour in this blog!)

Aggro spring clean-up required!

May 8, 2013

So your teenage son/daughter is out driving the family SUV, eh?  Aaaaaaaaa!  Be sure to send them lots of texts about paying attention to the road.  Or at least make sure they have a Smarty phone with lots of bright shiny screens to scroll through at the stoplight!  And be sure they're not on some kind of legal, mind-altering, potentially homicidal thought-inducing or depression-causing synthetic drugs, aka synthetic legal intoxicating drugs (SLIDs).  This incense and these bath salts sound like some really nasty shit.  Sheesh!  Makes me think back fondly to the days of good old fashioned weed, gravel roads, big-ass cars, and the predictably judgment-impairing effects of a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best.  Maybe some Ozzy.  Things were so much more wholesome back then.  Maybe just as dangerous, but in a wholesome way.  Like kung fu!  Just like in this Buck-o-Nine song.

So what can be done?!  Clean-up!  We've got to take the streets back!  And the multi-use trails!  Why, just look at the loitering and vagrancy that can occur at your local multi-use trail!

Also an imbalance in wealth/soil.  Because we all know that soil and wealth are more or less interchangeable.

And don't say, "It's not my multi-use trail." because if it could happen on this one, it could probably happen on yours!  There is a turf war taking place in many venues across this world.  Here is an example.

And your woody fence is not going to be the last victim!  So to heed this battle call, I put on some gloves and headed out with my fellow charcoal briquette manufacturing technicians to clean up this town.  I picked up the detritus of modern society, which included the packaging for the aforementioned legal synthetic drugs.

That's my thumb, not a different extremity.  Let's get our collective mind out of the gutter, dammit!

And there's more cleaning-up gumption where that came from!  So watch out, rabble!  The gauntlet has slapped your stupid-looking, potentially homicidal face and been thrown to the ground!  Only to be hastily picked back up and stowed respectfully in a pocket or bag or satchel of some kind...

So let's all avoid chewing off people's faces and clean this shit up!  

Dear Bikey Sneeze...

May 6, 2013

"Dear Bikey Sneeze,
I have found a method which some of your readers might be interested in..."
etc.
I often lie awake at night imagining that people would actually correspond with me in a similar manner as the famed Heloise!  Ah, the hypothetical glory!  Heloise will hit you upside the head with practical advice about topics ranging from the mundane to sublime with breezy aplomb.  Some of her tips are even bicycle-related such as this one - a timely reminder to get your child's noggin encased in a helm prior to rolling them off down the street on a two-wheeler to joust with their path of springy/summery destiny!  Tally-ho, lads and lassies!  Tally-f-ing-ho!

Here is a bicycle-related tip that I picked up from a friend of mine on Facebook.  I think that if he had actually addressed this tip to me it would have been quite a thrill. As it was, since it is bicycle-related, it was merely mildly thrilling.

To mount or remove a bicycle tire from a rim, you can use any of the 3 methods depicted. Plastic tire levels like the one on the right cost around $8 to $10 a set of 3 at your LBS. They tend to warp under pressure and over time. They make them thicker to compensate, but this thickness makes it tough to grab a seat on the tire so you can stretch it over the rim. Metal levers like the one on the left work way better, but they are ridiculously priced- $20 plus for a set of simple bent steel. Paint can keys, like the one pictured in the middle, are the way to go for my own personal bike tire and repair needs. They're virtually free. They're available in any hardware store. They don't bend. They are perfectly shaped to grab the edge of your tire w/o pinching the tube. Use a paper clip to attach the handle end of the paint can key against the spokes.

I hope this helps you through your tyre tube replacement tasks.

Blessed bicycling to you, Ben Lincoln, and all other potential correspondents.  And if I seem a little too needy, that's probably because I am.

Climb aboard the monster of life-affirming fun!

May 3, 2013

Perchance you have noted the gloomy nature of these days?  Mayhap you are labouring with mortal morals askew and all askance?  Whitherto shalt thou fly?  To congress with others of the same ilk, says I!  Forthwith!  Thusly were the thoughts of our forebears in the days of yore as Spring tauntingly teased them with her flirtatious dirty muddy dance with Winter as he exited Stage Fore (down the aisle).  

These days we call it Seasonal Affective Disorder Torture as the tail end of Winter directs a chilly fart in our general direction.  Maybe you are stuck at your desk, cashier, wheel, machine or somesuch?  Working for a cold unfeeling corporation that pays you and simultaneously sucks your soul into a gaping maw of profitability for the shareholders?   You could look at it that way.  You might feel like a young Sting pretended to feel in his classic tail tale of early 80s corporate malaise we call Synchronicity II.

Or you might not.  I don't know.  I do know that if you are feeling blue, you would probably benefit by participating in an exciting event we call the National Bike Challenge on endomondo.  In Synchronicity II I believe that the Loch Ness monster represents the NBC.  You can sign up here to be friends with Nessy/join the NBC.  Then you can log miles for your unfeeling corporation/team, your mom and pop business, your bicycle club, a made-up organization , or just for you and Nessy!

lancashiretelegraph.co.uk

It'll be great!  No matter who you are!  Yeaahhhh-HHOOOO!  You might want to send out a bunch of e-mails.  Try to get people to join the team.  Go for team recreational bicycling rides on weekends.  Let the aire out of potential teammates motor-vehicle tyres and then "happen to have" a vixenly bicycle with taut, nubile, fully inflated tyres on hand for them to borrow.  That kind of stuff.  It is truly exciting.  It's also a slippery slope.  I have been participating in such events for the past 3 years or so, and once you start logging your miles/kilometres it is kind of hard to stop.  Between the end of the Winter Challenge and the National Bike Challenge I went through a brief period of withdrawl.  "Don't lots of fellow bicylclers want/need to know how often I am out bicycling?" I asked myself persistently, annoyingly,existentially.    The answer to that question is clear, and it is "No!"  Or, if they do want to know, they are co-dependent, needy, and/or extremely neurotic and you should probably give yourself some distance.  Some time, a, part.

This is what the side of the multi-use trail looked like this morning.

Even the typically perky Curly Dock looked a bit droopy.

But as they say, "May snows brings June jallepenos."  Or is it August jallepenos?  Not sure, pero viva tilda y tu madre con accento!  It is also Cinco de Mayo weekend!  There are a few events that generally go along with this occurrence.  Cinco de Mayo 5K.  Also a mini-tour at Old Chicago, where they have undergone some re-branding.  Also Mother's Day.  Y Dia de Madre.  So maybe you can "kill two birds con uno stone" by taking your mother and/or baby's mama out on a nice fun 5 kilometre run/walk/death march.  I am planning on dressing up like a your mom and taking Baby Snot in the Baby Bjorn on his first 5K.  Should be muchos felicidades amigos!  Brrr-r-r-r-r-r-r-aaahhhh-haaa!