Intoxicating Summer Wheels

June 21, 2019

Dear Fellow Bicycle Enthusiast, et al.,

Welcome to my humble composition!  I hope it amuses or something similar.  Happy summer (for N hemispherians) or winter (for those south of the belt)!  Today I would like to present to you two topics:  a) cycling clothing, b) modes of transport.

These 2 topics have been on my mind lately for the following reasons:  1) the Pearls before Swine cartoonist, Stephan Pastis, has had a few strips lately that address cycling, one of which obliquely refers to bicyclists’ penchant for tight clothing and 2) a conversation with a few co-workers addressing the new scooter option for transport (only allowed on streets) and a compare/contrast exercise with bicycles, cars and scooters.  

As far as topic A goes, let me begin and end by presenting a photo that proves that you cannot always see my nipples through my high-viz bike jersey (topper of choice).

Need I say/type more? 

I didn’t think so.

As far as topic B goes, the discussion was a bit wide-ranging, unstructured and thought-provoking.  So, the scooters make a good conversation starter.  Our discussion went something like this:

“What about those new scooters scooting around on the roads everywhere these days?”

“I saw a guy on Leavenworth during my morning commute today!  Bold choice!”

“Bold or dumb?”

“It would be different if he had a bike lane!”

“They don’t have much visibility, just a little taillight.  They can’t ride ‘em at night.”

Me:  “Really?”

(coworker appraises me as if I might be a bit touched) “Yeah.”

“It’s like bicycles. They want to have all the privileges of the road, but they don’t always follow the rules of the road.  When was the last time you saw a bicycle getting ticketed (rhetorical period).  

(I refrained from mentioning that it’s probably because the percentage of bicyclers is so low that you probably only see one bicyclist per 1,000 cars or so you see)

Or a speeding car during the rush hour commute.” (very equitable) 

“They keep saying how many injuries there have been since they started the scooters, but there’s only been like two tickets.”

“Yeah, something’s not right here….”

“My buddy once got a ticket on his bike.  DUI.”

“On a bike?”

“Yeah.”

Me:  “It’s my understanding that you can’t get a DUI on a bike in Nebraska, you could only get a public intoxication.”

“They charged him with DUI.”

Me:  “Well I don’t think they could make it stick.”

“They did.  He lost his license.”

“Yeah, a bicycle is a vehicle.”

So there.  And it is true, a bicycle is a vehicle, as are motorized scooters.  A vehicle (per the Cambridge dictionary) is “something used to transport people or goods, esp. something used on land or roads.”  Usually a machine (an object that proffers a mechanical advantage to the user).  So a skateboard, wagon, and roller skates would also qualify.  But I don’t think you could get a DUI for drunken skateboarding or pulling your kid around in a wagon.  

I was impressed to find that the League of American Bicyclists had put together a handy guide to determining what penalties could be levied at a drunken bicyclist based on state.  As shown on the handy chart, Nebraska’s DUI law, like most states’, only applies to motor vehicles.  Iowa’s and Kansas’s laws are similar, but Wichita has a city ordinance that allows drunken bicyclists to be charged with a DUI.

Not that it matters that much to me.  I don’t get out and party much.  Back in my younger years I was once hit by a car whilst bicycling intoxicating, and it was quite unpleasant for a variety of reasons.  It was embarrassing and I felt kind of bad for the old guy that hit me.  It also made quite an impression on me (mostly on my jaw) and I had to get a few stitches and go to the impound lot the next morning afternoon to get the Bastard back.

So there’s that.  You probably won’t get a DUI for bicycling intoxicated, but you might get hurt (or killed) and/or undergo a series of unpleasantries.  

Glad we got that all cleared up.

And what’s up with those scooters?  Well let’s take a look.  Hmmm. Looks pretty good.  Maybe all this scooting will encourage the creation of more bike lanes too!  That would be great.  So scoot on by sometime and we’ll head out on the streets for awhile!

Let’s roll!

BSO

Oafish bearings

June 15, 2019

Dear Sirs and Madams,

I am writing today to inform you thatIwe have finally got the Old Bastard back together! It was easy!  First I removed the stubborn ol’ rusted stem stump, as explained in painful detail in previous posts.  Then I unwisely decided that the headset should be overhauled due to some very minor grittiness when turning the handlebar.  I took the headset apart and then decided I should get some new caged bearings because the ones in there seemed a bit old and possibly out of round. I went down to ye olde local bike shop (Olympia in Millard, where I had purchased the Bridgestone back in 1991) and got a set of caged bearings.  However, due to the antiquated nature of my 29 year-old Bridgestone, Ed was only able to supply me with one set.  As it turns out, that is probably just as well because I went home and promptly dropped the caged bearings onto the concrete, irreparably bending the cage! Yes, I am a clumsy oaf.  This tom turkey I recently met near the multi-use trail might have done a better job of overhauling my headset than I.  

Then I ineffectually tried to put the headset back together and bent the cages on both of ye olde sets of caged bearings (I think it was due to improper alignment and my moving the fork back and forth which likely bent the cages before they were firmly emplaced within the headset.  It was shameful indeed.  So I took it back to Olympia and Michael expertly assessed the situation and supplied the headset with some non-caged/free-range bearings.  For a mere $51 and some free (unless you count the approximately 2 hours spent in this ill-conceived/misbegotten venture) shame I was back to Bastardizing around town on my trusty olde MB-5.

Now I’ve noticed ye olde Bastarde is more of an old guy’s bike than before, and I’ve even considered getting a bullhorn handlebar to get a bit more aero/aggressive.  But, on the other hand, the more upright position hasn’t been too bad.  I’ve been looking around and enjoying the views of things that I have not previously noticed due to my aero/aggressiveness.  And to be honest, I’m pretty sure I’m older than I am aero/aggressive.  So there!

Now I am ready for Rollin’ to Colon, a lovely pastoral ride which happens to take place tomorrow! Roll on, my fellow clumsy oafs and oafettes (and also any graceful elves/faeries/secret agents who might be reading).

-BSO

Brokedown and 2 wheels to go

April 13 – May 19, 2019

Dear reader,

This spring has been a dynamic time.  I have been riding around on Shifty, a bike I normally only use for long rides and off-pavement riding.  My time with the Old Bastard has been limited to the following:

Yes, my handlebar stem developed a crack and, when I attempted to remove the stem with the handlebars attached, became completely separated from the rest of ye olde-fashioned quill stem stump which remained firmly lodged within the head tube.  It was not easy to remove the stem from the head tube.  I didn’t think it would be easy, based on this excellent instructional video:

After some diligent and, eventually, kind of reluctant hack-sawing, I finally got the remaining stump of the stem out and ordered a replacement. 

Beholde!  Ye olde stem stump removed and revealed!

Unfortunately, I ordered the wrong size (25.4 mm).  I am really not sure why I ordered that one, I hadn’t even measured the diameter yet but I guess I figured it would be the most common one!?  So I’m sending that one back and I ordered another one.  I think a 21.15 mm (13/16”) stem will be right for a 1990 Bridgestone MB-5, right?!  It could be a 22.2 mm; however, since I am close to needing reading glasses and it’s a bit hard for me to accurately discern a 1 mm difference in diameter and I don’t seem to have any calipers (although I am pretty sure I once did).  IMPORTANT UPDATE:  If you too, need a replacement stem for your 1990 Bridgestone MB-5, it is actually a 22.2 mm stem.  3rd time is a charm for this stem mis-measurerer!

I must admit, the situation is not ideal.  I feel compelled to shift gears and the spring temperature changes and/or my poorly adjusted shifting system made it a bit unreliable for awhile.  I am also frequently splattered with goop due to the absence of fenders on Shifty.  Fortunately I’ve got a bunch of gift cards for various local bike shops that I will deploy in the near future to at least get a front fender/mudguard.  Here's what I ended up with.

It's better than no fender, and works better with muck than with water (I am guessing the muck doesn't accelerate as quickly towards my face due to its greater mass than water?).  Butt, as I've been too lazy to put the rear fender from the Bastard onto Shifty, I've also had to deal with a soggy bum and I've felt compelled to wash my pants more often than usual (i.e., semi-annually).

I’ve got the feeling that I am near the eye of a vortex of deterioration.  Here’s why:

1. The Bastard is on long-term disability
2. I’ve had an injury on my foot for about 4 weeks - from wearing a sandal!?
3. I should get my house painted and replace the retaining wall, which currently serves as prime wasp habitat.
4. My wrist hurts (yeah, real funny!) from having to shift gears all the time.  And yes, I know that theoretically I could just stay in one gear, but those levers are just so compelling!
5. Also my knee is still not quite fully bendable due to a skiing incident back in February.

Granted, now that I type out my whiny list, it doesn’t seem so bad.  Thanks for taking the time to allow me to vent.  Now it’s your turn!  Oh!  WHAT!?! The NERVE!!!  There, now we both feel better.  Kind of like how everyone feels better now that there are 38 miles of connected bike routes in Omaha!  Let’s take a look at this map, here.  Hmmm.  Looks pretty good.  Better than things used to be back in the 90s.  But they could always be even better!  It’s still kind of a pain travelling east-west across I-680.  There is the Big Papio Trail, but it is pretty far south.  

Oh and someone ranked bicycling in various cities!  Let’s see how OMA fared…1.7 / 5 stars.  Hmmm. I’d say we should have at least 2.5. I think this rating system might be set-up to encourage cities to incorporate better infrastructure and protected lanes for bikes.  Nothing wrong with that.  We bicyclers should do whatever it takes to make things better for us and hopefully that will mean that there are more of us!  Let’s find out some more details about Omaha’s bicyclability… Hmm.  Our highest marks are in Network (Rates How People Are Connected To Their Destinations Using Comfortable Bike Routes) and Reach (Measures How Consistently A Community’s Bike Network Serves Everyone In The Community).  Well, I guess that 38 miles of connected bike routes in Omaha is paying off!  We share our 1.7 rating with strong bicycling communities like Sacramento, CA (where the charming film Ladybird is set), and Duluth, MN (birthplace of Duluth Trading Co. – Purveyor of Durable Goods and Humorously Illustrated Catalogs).  So I guess that’s pretty good, right?!  Can we do better?!  MAY-BEE! I said, CAN WE DO BETTER?!?!!  MAAAYYYY-BEEEEEE!  Take that apathy!  A 1.7 might not seem that great, but even the #1 city of Boulder, CO only got a 3.7, so a 1.7 isn’t terrible.  Terrible would probably be somewhere in Texas.  Let me look into that – Hmm.  I’m sorry Texas, but it looks like Pittsford, NY (suburb of Rochester, est. pop. 29,450) may have earned that distinction, with a 0.4 rating.  I am not sure why a small-medium-sized town would have such a low rating – seems like with so few people around a bicycler could just pedal around with some bright lights and clothing and be perfectly safe, if perhaps not well-liked.  Well, I guess just being a moderately active, most-of-the-time bicycle commuter doesn’t make me a profound expert on bicycling in all situations like I thought it did!?  Wow!  You really can get your mind blown every so often.  I wonder what it will be like when gravity helps it coalesce back together…. wow.

Well it will soon be time for we recently enjoyed the annual Wear Yellow Ride here in Nebraska!  I am not sure if I am prepared, but I am ready to try to keep up with my 72-year-old dad.  I know it doesn’t sound that challenging, but the man is a phenomena.  He went in for a heart stress test awhile back and although the computer didn’t really explode because it could not calculate how a person could be so fit at the age of 72, it almost might have (my dad tried to teach me not to exaggerate).  His heart may (or may not) be stronger that a 1-year-old antelope’s but is almost certainly healthier than this moderately-active 47-year old’s.  As a matter of fact, I am now downgrading my status from moderately- to semi-active.  I am as inactive as possible at work, which has taken a toll on my overall health and, most noticeably, my cardiovascular fitness.

Maybe I’ll get out and do some hiking/backpacking once I get over this annoying spring cold and get the Old Bastard back on track.  Things will soon be glorious again, I can feel it!

You're the inspiration,

BSO

Goose my pig, groundhog!

February 1, 2019

Well hello there!  It is good to be in contact with you once more. As I believe you are more alike me than not, I am sure you are also feeling more peppy than usual.  And why not?!  It’s a bit warmer outside here than it has been for awhile.  It is also Groundhog Day Eve, and the year of the earth pig is rapidly approaching.  So what does all of this mean?  Well, I don’t know.  But I am happy to predict a slight increase in prosperity, social responsibility, and thoughtfulness.  I could tell by this harmonious planetary alignment I witnessed this a.m., back when it was still pretty cold.

Verily, when Jupiter is in ascendancy over Venus who is resting upon the moon, the groundhog will embraceth the pig.

I haven't celebrated Groundhog Day much lately, but back when I wore a younger man's clothes (which I am still wearing) I made it out to the Groundhog Prom where these guys often can be found laying down some righteous grooves.

It is also nearly the moon when the geese come home, but a gaggle or 2 may have gotten a jump on those others.  Take a gander at this!

Well I hope you are ready for some Super Bowling, which is also coming up this weekend?  This event is sure to be quite bike-oriented based on these findings.  That's right, the Gronkhog is the great grandson of Iggy Gronkowski, a famous bicyclist who competed in the 1924 Paris Olympics!

Although I am hoping for a Rams victory, I like the Pats too because they are getting almost as old as me!  So let’s all get ol' piggy with it!

See you over on the other side of the moon cycle!

https://shirtoid.com/83305/lunar-cycle/

-BSO’ the Pig

Stroking the greatness

January 22, 2019

Hello again!  Why didn’t you warn me?! I told you I’ve been doing some burpees and you should have known that was a bad idea!  My wrists are now mildly sore.  You can laugh about overuse of the wrist all you want, and I hope you do and that it makes you feel better, but it doesn’t make me feel any better!  So now I will have to make other plans to improve my cardiovascular fitness.  One option is to keep my wrists locked and do the push-up part of the burpees on my fists. But on the other hand…. you’ve got a completely different set of fingers!  Ha!

Some are born to greatness, others work hard to achieve it, and still others stumble upon it temporarily and feel very lucky.  I feel like I’ve recently joined the 3^rdvariety.  I am feeling the greatness because of the following serendipitous (and accidental) sequence of events:

1.    I signed Snot Jr. up for swimming lessons at ye olde YMCA.

2.    We went to the first lesson and found out that it is open swim right after the conclusion of his lesson!?

3.    I took my swimming trunks to the 2^ndlesson and discovered that there was a lane available for lap swimming during Snot Jr.’s lesson!?

4.    I realized this was a good opportunity to work on some low-impact cardiovascular exercise instead of sitting around and ignoring the other parents!

It’s as if I’m managing my time well!  I used to swim regularly for a year or two while I was training for triathlons.  It was great and I became a fairly good, albeit greatly slow, swimmer.  One time I even swam for a mile without stopping!  How did I manage that, you may be wondering?  Well I had a little help from this guy – Terry Lauglin.  I bought Total Immersion and I heartily recommend it to anyone who is not a great swimmer, but would like to become a competent and efficient one.  Yes, instead of trying to make it across the pool as quickly as possible, I used to try to make it in as few strokes as possible. In the 8 years or so since I stopped swimming, I’ve naturally become much less efficient, but perhaps I’ll regain some of my technique while Snot Jr. treads water and enjoys the antics of his swimming instructor’s rubber squid associate named Bob.  

Although I haven’t been bicycling for almost a week now, I did have some excellent opportunities to enjoy some rides with relatively clear pavement interspersed with some puddles and slushy snow.  Winter bicycling can really open the senses to some of the wintery sensations available for the outsidey individuals.  For example, I hadn’t really taken note of the way the traffic lights can reflect off a wet tyre on a winter’s eve.  

And the fun of riding down a snow-covered hill on a bike is just as much fun as sledding.

So I hope you get out to experience the under-appreciated month of January and have a sensational winter!  

See you on the slopes!

-BSO

Wolfing down the change

January 11, 2019

Here I am about to coast into the weekend!  

I hope that you are having a great 2019 so far.  Mine has been good as gold, thanks for thinking of me, turning to gold.  I may not have the Midas touch, so I mighd as well make some bad jokes, eh?!  You joker!?>! 

Speaking of joking, I am no longer joking when I state the following:  here's one thing you won't want to miss, unless you are operating under a tight budget.  On January 24, the Community Bike Project Omaha has partnered with Farnam House Brewing Co. to offer a 3-course meal with 3 beers for $50.  I have been to FHBC once, and they gave me a lot of food for a one course b-fast to accompany a delightful Bloody Mary.  Since I have been doing a few burpees lately; however, I am pretty sure that with my higher metabolic rate than usual I'll be able to wolf those 3 courses down with no problem- BUUURRRP

As you are most likely aware, we’ve got a lunar eclipse coming up.  Some call it the super blood wolf moon.  The Umoha call this time of year the moon when snow drifts into tipis.  

I don’t know about you, but all of that reminds me of this song about red whisky and murder.

Well, I am sorry to be so brief for a change, but the only thing that is constant is change!  

Ware the super blood wolf moon!

Howl see ya soon!

-BSO

Icy the old year sliding away

December 24, 2018

I trust that you have been enjoying some festivities and/or powerful emotion over the holiday season.  I have been eating a lot, and also trying to stay moderately active to help with the digestion and metabolizing.  Before I really got started with the celebratory activities; however, I had a chance to patch a tyre tube that was punctured by a small, tack-like item.  

Although I’m not really sure where it came from, the hole it made was small and easy to patch.  It allowed me a chance to pause, turn on some holiday tunes and take a selfie with my festive attire.  

Dunce cap and/or Santa hat?  You decide!

It also brought my attention to the fact that my beloved Maxxis Overdrive Elite tyres are getting pretty worn.  

Since it is the time of year when I like to have plenty of traction whilst bicycling, I will be looking around for a new set of tyres.  First I will try my local bike shop since I’ve got some bike vouchers that are burning a wallet-sized hole in my desk drawer.  

Recently my friend Rich invited me out to a group bike ride to view some Christmas lights.  

So last night we met a gregarious group of people at Bike Masters to spin around some of the local neighborhoods.  On the way out there we encountered some slippery icy spots on the north side of Fort Street where the shade prevailed.  Once we started our group ride, Mike even rode around on this cool toy for awhile –

 

https://onewheel.com

We eventually made it to Tanner’s for a few beers and fried pickles.  

December 28, 2018

After taking a few days off work to sit around and eat and drink a lot, last night I decided it was high time that I set out for a bicycle trip.  It felt nice to ride, but unfortunately I did slide and wipeout on an icy spot – lost gription on my front tyre.  The chain tensioner must have hit and bent the derailleur hanger in a bit because the chain would no longer fit on all the appropriate cog/teeth/chain ring.  So I sheepishly guided my steed back to a hill, coasted, and walked some more until I was home.  Then I got the Bastard up on my work stand, assessed the situation, then carefully grabbed the chain tensioner and jerked it back out as hard as I could, which seemed to bend the derailleur hanger back into general alignment.  Good enough for the chain to spin things around as well as it usually does anyway.   

I also stopped by the Bike Rack where I did not find a tyre that I felt would be suitable for me and the Bastard.  So I might check over at the Bike Way, since I’ve got a gift card, otherwise I’ll probably just order some new Maxxises.  They've been good tyres, lasted 4 years (probably about 15,065 kilometres [9,360 miles] or so).  Although I didn't remember that by myself, I just checked my bicycle journal and found that I purchased those tyres back in December 2014!

As we approach the beginning of a new year, I’ve decided that I would like to be more aerobically fit. Although I still consider myself moderately active, my range of activity is almost entirely bicycling.  Whilst sitting at Tanner’s eating fried pickles and drinking beer, Chris suggested doing some burpees to increase cardiovascular fitness.  I burped loudly, and then inquired “What is a burpee?”  Chris accurately explained the process and said that she felt much fitter after doing the 30-burpees-a-day-for-30 days-challenge.  “Great idea!”  I said. Then I actually tried doing a few the other day.  After 10 I was wiped out.  Not only that, my legs are still sore, and I don’t think it’s from my bike ride yesterday. I think I might start out with a 10-burpees-a-day-for-10 days-challenge.  I’ll let you know how that works out.  

In the meantime I hope you enjoy the remainder of 2018 and have a happy new year! Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna bust out a few burpees before I eat the rest of my Christmas cookies.

Moderately yours,

BSO