2012-Post DD Reflections/Product Endorsements

December 29, 2012

As the end of the year nears, it behooves us to look back on the events of the past 360-odd days and react appropriately.  You may be hanging your head in shame with a rueful smile upon your face.  Or you may be excited, like me, because you have a brand new mini-me around to inflict your beliefs and general presence upon!

Prior to the arrival of Mini-Snot, I was out for a bicycle ride in some inclement weather.  It required a good deal of focus, an unfamiliar state for me.  I dabbed here, slid there.  Got on the sidewalks for a more predictable type of ice-free snow.  I took some photos.  Possibly even made a video (it was about 10 days ago and my memory typically deletes items that aren't in use after 5 days or so).  The reason I can't bore you any more details about this enjoyable event is because when I was attempting to re-pocket the trusty Pentax WG-1 I apparently missed!  I noted the lack of camera in my pocket as I neared my abode of homeliness.  Drat!  I cursed while the storm intensified and I unsuccessfully attempted to twirl my frozen mustachios.  Yes, I did backtrack to the last location(s) I recalled actually/possibly having possession of my techno buddy; yes, my Niterider 700 MiNewt battery eventually failed; but no, I didn't find my camera.  It was good well it lasted.  Which brings me to a segment that is required to be found in any bicycle-related text or thought processes everywhere - the product review.  Or in this case reviews.

1. Pentax WG-1:  great.  tough.  not so great in low light.  small enough to be quickly buried in near-blizzard-like conditions.
2. Maxxis Overdrive Tyres:  love 'em.  great traction on the cornering.  tread on rear tyre lasts about 2 years under regular commuting use on heavy, moderately loaded bicyclist bicycle (approximately 7,000 kilometres/4,200 miles).  
3. Sun-Ringle Rhyno Lite wheel rims:  these are pretty dang tough!  I am a horrible bicyclist that crashes fairly often.  I very seldom have to worry about truing a wheel since I started using these.  I use them on both my dirt mountain bicycle and my commuting mountain bicycle.  Can be challenging getting new tyres to fit on these rather wide rims.  Don't like wrasslin' tyres?  Well, would you rather replace a rim every time a poorly-timed bunny-hop sends your unsuspended rear wheel crashing into a curb or log and your careless arse cart-wheeling skywards?!  Sheesh!

Please note that one or more of these items has been/will soon be discontinued.  This is due to the fact that I don't really want to make a habit of opining about products unless I have spent significant amounts of time using them.

Shwew!  Enough of that!  I was getting bored reading those before I even finished typing about them.  Which is not to say that I don't heartily endorse all 3 of these products.

So as you may have noticed, today is the eighth day after the Mayan apocalypse/doomsday.  Which I like to refer to as DD+8.  And if you were out partying, then you may have been the ones responsible for the sweet shindigs at the Mayan temples.  I heard that dude totally wiped out when he was riding his mountainous bicycle down that crumbling stairway!  Awesome!  Wish I coulda been there, but I was busy enjoying the luxurious hospital-provided roll-away bed offered to new fathers.

Well here's to a great 2013 for you and your family and friends (drinks shot of Elijah Craig whiskey).

P.S.:  Hey!  Could representatives of the products I have endorsed in this post please send me a check?  Anything's appreciated.  I've got a Baby Snot to help support here!

Seasonal encounters on frosty pathways of joy!

December 17, 2012
It is getting pretty Christmasy here in the ol' Homeaha.  Things in my usual suburbane environment often evoke wonderful visions of sugar plum faeries and/or other enjoyable holiday festibles!  On my way to my place of employment at the deli equipment sharpening shop I noted that the local mudslide had been reactivated and then beautifully frozen into an evocative semblance of a delightful blended mudslide.

It looked frostier in real life!

And then on my way home I was entranced by this reminder

of the delightful midwestern treat, the cornicicle, a bland blend of mashed corn and water frozen into a popsicle.  Or its grown-up, whacky cousin, the Dickens-esque Ghost of Corny Past, a slushy, smoky blend of mashed corn, corn liquor and liquid nitrogen.  Mmmmm.  I can almost feel the potentially fatal glow in my belly now!

And the fun doesn't stop there!  How about a seasonally tactile connection with the land?  Don't mind if I do!  Just take a quick cruise through your local mini-mudslide on your bicycle and your bicycle tyre will be bedecked with boughs of mud which will gradually harden into an ice-like wreath to show your holiday spirit!

Not long after experiencing this powerful link with the earth, I encountered what may have been an extremely well-fed feral cat or an escaped domestique.  Shown to poignant effect in this well executed (if I do say so myself) portrait/landscape composition.

If this is your feline, just e-mail me a decent description (more descriptive than "kinda glowy eyes") and I will attempt to capture the beast the next time I ride by good ol' Woodchuck Holler and return it to you (if it'll suffer the indignity of being stuffed into a pannier).  

If I catch the critter the only reward I'll request is reimbursement for my woodchuck spray.

Ah, the joys of projecting the spirit of Christmas upon the local suburbia/agriculture!  'Tis the season indeed! Whacky things may occur, ala the feverish hallucinogenic freak-show known as "A Christmas Carol" which is on spooky display at the local Omaha Community Playhouse.  Other seasonal tunes may be heard by checking out some musical entries into the spidery worldly wide net -

Get frosty, celebrants!

Astrowheelin' towards the Solstice Party!

December 15, 2012

Are there some things in life that annoy you?  Yep.  Me too.  Questions.  Answers.  People.  What doesn't annoy me?!  I am well on my way to becoming a cantankerous middle-aged man.  I noticed this when I was again annoyed by a person sitting behind me at a movie yesterday.  His feet and/or knee occasionally bumped against the back of my chair!?  It happened often enough that I stood up to block his view and pretended to fiddle with something in my pocket for a while.  Not very satisfying, though, since he still bumped my chair a few times, but not quite as many, during the next 2/3 of the fantastic 3-D film - Life of Pi.  I think he was just old, tall, and oblivious, though, not malicious.  I mean, these theatre chairs offer so much space these days!  I could be sitting there with an orangutan and a tapir sharing my popcorn and still not bump the guy in front of me!  Inexcusable!  At least I feel like I now have a choice in being cantankerous, whereas I think pretty soon it will not be a choice so much as a part of my permanent disposition.   I think I will choose to sit somewhere where there is no one behind me next time I visit the theatre.

People occasionally get annoyed while driving and/.or bicycling, I have observed.  Mostly, though, they are happy to be getting somewhere.  Bicyclers wave and motorists honk merry greetings as we all peaceably co-exist harmoniously.  Carols are enthusiastically flung back and forth.  Lights are not activated in mischievous games to see if others are paying attention.  What a hoot!

So I hear there is a bicycling/running event occurring tomorrow!  Cool, eh?  It's a "biathlon" that doesn't involve skiing or shooting (at least hopefully to the latter!).  This one is all-terrain bicycling/trail-running.  I have heard these events called "duathlons" in the past, so I am in my usual general state of confusion.

More importantly, though, is the following query:  Will our soon-to-be-alien overlords awaiting the Mayan apocalypse be participating?  Well I think they would be hard-pressed to resist.  The event is celebrating our earthly winter solstice, which occurs on the same day as their inauguration/Mayan apocalypse.  So if you are participating in this event and you notice someone who seems to be a little different and/or physically superior, they are more than likely either doping and/or aliens.  I think most aliens are doping.  They are on another world, after all.  Just think of all the shots we humanoids get when traveling to another continent and/or your in-laws' place for the holidays.

"How will these aliens contribute to our bicycling culture here on earth?", you ask.  You don't ask?  C'mon, work with me here people!  Well I'm pretty sure they will build and maintain some pretty sweet  MTB trails in new-agey places like Roswell, Sedona, maybe a few European plateaus and the like.  They will build these trails with lasers emitted from their minds and amplified by their spacecrafts!  Here is a Man or Astroman song that describes the probable events that will result in this trail (and mind!) expansion.

So get ready for some sweet mountain bicycling and maybe a road trip to Roswell!  I'll be the non-alien taking photos of the potential aliens before the event and sucking ass and/or wind in the back of the pack when the actual riding occurs!   Let's get terrestrial, astrowheelers!

Little to no news is good to now know news!? (Venus mooned me)

December 11, 2012

Hey, are you going to that Bike de Lights ride on Friday?  Hmmm.  Sounds good.  I'll meet you there with a big fat bag of holiday spirit!  And by that I mean haggis, ach, lassies!  What's a bike ride wi' no haggis?!  Let's get bedecked and bedazzled and ride around!  Whew yeah!

Did you notice the morning sky today?  Well here's a photo to jog your memory.

A quick peek at the Earth and Sky website revealed that these 2 objects are the moon and Venus.  So know I now!

So what music have you been listening too these days?  Hmm.  Live brass bands.  Yes.  Phonograph albums.  Neat!  I've been enjoying They Might be Giants' John Henry.  I like TMBG.  They've even got a few vaguely bicycle-oriented songs.  Like this one.

And at least one song featuring the moon.

I like to think of the John with the saxophone as the moon because the horn is big, curved and shiny.  Guitar John is Venus because he is my fire.  It is at this time I would like to compare and contrast 2 six packs purchased recently.  Here is one,

 and here is the same one

but in different packaging.  If one were to actually examine these photographs, it is theoretically possible to discern the following:

1. The top photo shows a six pack box that is empty.  I assert that the box is empty because the bottom fell out.  This represents the moon.
2. The bottom photo shows most of the six pack in a different box.  I assert that this box is sturdier than the box in Exhibit A.  This represents the planet Venus.

On an interesting side note, the box in Exhibit B is no stranger to containing bottles that do not contain the same beverage that is advertised on the side of the box.  In what was a first to me, the Lucky Bucket Lager box actually contained Lucky Bucket Wheat!  What?!  Perhaps it is because of the shake up at ye ol' LB brewery.  I hear tell read that Brewmaster Zac Triemert has jumped ship to open his own brewery and distillery downtown.  Borgata.

With all this talk of heavenly objects, it is easy for me to imagine someone asking, "So what about the UFOs and the Mayan Apocalypse?"  Well, here's what.  Yes, it seems that mountain tops shaped like pyramids might be a good place to see our impending alien overlords emerge from their ancient buried hiding places and soar majestically towards the moon or Venus, like a large cicada emerging from it's extended nymph state.  But are they headed towards Venus or the moon?  That is the main controversy surrounding this predicted event.  But what all these predictions may not have caught is that Doomsday may have been postponed, at least locally.  That's right the Doomsday Run has been pushed back to a post-official-Doomsday date.  12/22 or DD+1 as it soon will be nown.

What does all this mean for us Capricorns?  Let's all branch out!  And don't forget your bicycle!  Your bicycle represents the moon, because you are sitting on it.  And your gloves!  Your gloves are your Venus because they keep your hands warm.  Know we now dance!

Discomfortable Camp Snotty Ho!

December 10, 2012

Like many other things, I am kind of a wuss when it comes to cold weather.  My nose gets runny.  My fingers and toes get numb.  But I also enjoy bicycling.  This combination resulted in this

No.  I'm not a dentist.  Relax.  Care to suffer/discomfort?

This photo represents a reenactment of recent history.  It was too damn cold to take the photo in the a.m.  I just wanted to get to work(?!) and warm up.  Then I had a mild case of the screaming barfies.  So I didn't get around to snapping the shot until the much warmer afternoon.

Did you know that the 2nd annual Camp Carol Joy Holling Run is now accepting applications for this March 2, 2013 event?  Yes?  Oh, well I beg your pardon!  Not everyone is as well-informed as your royal high-falutin'ness!  Sheesh!

This run holds a special place in my cold, cold heart (currently warming somewhat under the influence of my buddy Johnny Walker).  That is because it raises money to help kids attend camp.  And I love camp!  Who doesn't?  You?  Well maybe you just haven't been to the right one.  Like the one I dream about founding once I get a chance.  It will teach valuable skills that I wish I had learned as a young, snotful whelpling.  Skills like bicycling.  Or constructing legibly grammatical and easily diagramed sentences into coherent conveyences of meaningfulness.  Photography.  Important things like these!  Might even throw in some crafty stuff.  It'll be a hoot!  I'll christen it Camp Snotty.      

I will be accepting applications just as soon as I find an alternative to the hateful PayPal!  Grrrr.

Speaking of coldness, here is a good way to deal with the discomfort that can attend outsidey activities in the wintery parts of the year/world.

What the hell is it?  Why, it's a beardski of course!  Please note there're also Santa Claus and Viking alternatives.

So let's get out there and suffer/discomfortisize for the nonce!  Eh, nancy boys and hardy girls!?  Eh?!  Indeed!

Thanks for the home altering life

November 20, 2012

Hello again.  As it is slightly possible that you noticed, I've not been harassing you with my usual pompastic bombasity lately.  Well, here's why.

Ooops.  I mean here's why.

That's right, I've been engaged in the unhealthy hobby of home alteration.  That is not a mere light, but is actually also a bathroom ventilation fan.  Pretty f-ing awesome, eh, fledglings?  No?  Well, what do you got?  Go ahead, impress me.  It ain't that hard.  If I can impress myself, than anyone can!  Nick impressed me with his funky dance moves during the enjoyable annual Taco Ride before Thanksgiving outing that we participated in a mere 8 days or so ago.

It was an enjoyable time, and I expressed my admiration for one Gwendolyn Stefani several times once.  That is because I have been listening to my No Doubt Return of Saturn CD a lot lately.  As evidenced by this photo, Gwendolyn and her husband Bill or something are avid bicyclers.

(photo deleted at Gwen's Bill's request.  He doesn't want to be typecast as an IF cyclocross bicycler, and who can blame him!)

Famous people and bicycles go together like home-alteration and electrocution, which I have successfully avoided thus far, thanks to the great Pilgrim Pumpkin God.

sugaredblog.blogspot.com

As the seasons change, so are the cycles of our lives.  Sometimes like a road bicycle, other times like a mountain bicycle, etc.  You may be relieved to hear that I will likely be berating you with my safety-centric ranting less frequently forthwith.  That is because I will be engaged in changing diapers for a baby dinosaur with a large head (and little arms) that is due to aRRRive any era now.  So get ready for another member of the baby parents' club you elitist, sleep-deprived, parenting animals.  Baby Snot is likely going to take some time to mold/neglect into his full human potential ASAP so he can help support me in my planned early retirement from the freelance livestock feed QA/QC work that helps feed my family and I.

On another note, I have been informed of this cool-looking event is slated to take place at Swanson Park on Sunday, December 16.  It is a biathlon that involves neither cross-country skiing nor sharp-shooting, but rather cross-country bicycling and trotting/running.  Festivities begin at 1.  Looks like a good opportunity for some social interaction and fresh air.  You get out there and enjoy.  I'll be here in the basement, engaged in re-evaluating priorities and saving money.

Have you noticed there seem to be lots of people out bicycling these days?  No?  Well there are dammit, and you'd best keep an eye on them!  Especially if, like me, they ride slowly and erratically.  Nearly as hazardous as home-alteration projects.  From bicycle to attic, the risk-enjoyment/management opportunities are nearly limitless.  So grab that life-altering Dremel and let's ride!

Feral Munchkin Fun!

November 18, 2012

It was so nice out today that I made the tough decision to go out for a bicycle ride instead of starting in on bathroom ventilation system installation.  I started my spin out towards Tranquility Park.  Almost immediately I encountered a large critter.  A raccoon.

Ugh.  I think I'm gonna puke.

Based on his slow, unsteady gait, I judged him/her to be either bold, rabid, or drunk.  I rang my bell to no avail.  He stayed put.  Then he slurred at me, "Why don't you get off your high horse."  I did.  Took a photo.  "You call that a shot?" he mocked.  I gave him a wide berth as I continued along on my circuit.  

I finally arrived at the park where I noticed a cheery kite struggling with the moderate breeze.

Upon arriving at the trail, I immediately encountered more mountain bicyclers than I have seen out there all year!

And no wonder.  Great temps.  Fine trail conditions.  And several hundred yards of new trails and recent upgrades.  What a hoot!

Lots of cool stuff.  Also many feral munchkins, some with whacky, barbaric headwear.  They may have been planning a Lord of the Flies-esque coup, as many mini-bicycles were littered here and there.  I did not stop for many photos due to the relatively high volume of bicycle traffic, not because I was skeered of the munchkins.  Honest.  The munchkins were thronging around a new section of the trail with a steep approach and a fairly short, but steep exit.  I didn't make the exit, but there's a handy tree off to the left side of the trail which provided a handy rest stop.   I will now think of that ravine as Feral Munchkins' Revenge.  Pretty catchy, eh?  Femur for short.  Get it?  Short!  Like a munchkin!

But the excitement didn't stop after I walked my bicycle around a mini-bike lying in the middle of the path just after the exit.  A large animal leapt across my path at fairly close range.  A big buck!  Eight points er so, I reckon.  As big as a medium-sized pony!

Atop a hill following my Big Buck sighting, I noticed a clearing which probably served as the Feral Munchkins party zone.  I glanced over both my shoulders, then snapped a quick shot before pedaling rapidly away, completely unafraid.

As I rocketed back homewards, I looked around for the Rabid Coon, but he was nowhere in sight.  My heart rate gradually returned to normal.  I made it back to my humble homestead where, so far, I have not been bullied by any small critters or big bucks.

I hear it's supposed to be pretty good temperatures for the next several days, so you might wanna get out there and enjoy!

The traditional Thanksgiving-eve Taco Ride is rapidly approaching.  Hope to see you there!  Watch out for the wee critters!  Ornery little cusses!

Trail Explorers Ho!

November 14, 2012

Hey peoples and/or computers, like me, what is going on?  Yes, I feel I may as well admit that I am just a computer stringing together random words and phrases and juxtoposing various adjectives and activities to fruitfully multiply the meaningless ramblings of the world-wide web.  Hey, do you know who else is nationwide worldwide?  That's right, Lil' Brian and the Travelers.  Check out this sweet vid buoyos and grillos and binary communicating devices.

What a delightful day 'twas, eh?  I was enamored with the evening sky.

Now we must build a bicycle/pedestrian bridge that enables a lovely ride off into the sun-setting sky.  Yeee-haaawww!  Make it so, peoples.

Don't you love getting unsolicited mail asking for you to invest your hardly-earned dollars?  Wha?!  I thought it was just me!  We really should get together for some cupcakes ASAFP!  We have so much in common! Speaking of outlandish construction ideas, I received a notice in the mail that proposes a pedestrian/multi-use trail that spans the imposing girth of Mexico's hot-air balloon, the US of A.  This project is called the American Discovery Trail.  It looks pretty f-ing cool too homo saps.   You can become an Explorer with the ADT for a mere $30!?  I'll be right back.  Woo-hooo!  Explore this, bitty babies!  That's right, you can call me Snot Explorer from now on!  Or Explorer Snot.  Or Explosive Snot.  Whatev.  I intend to build a portion of the trail and install a bench dedicated to me!  Oh, yeah!  Fame, ye shall elude me no longer!

On a more serious note, have you tried E flat?  Wha?!  Where did this programmer come from?  The rejected scary clown bin at Walmart?  Zoiks.

I love the idea of long trails.  They are also perfect for pipelines.  And corporate sponsorship.  Maybe a few billboards.  Let's make this happen!  I am currently reading a book called The Hard Road West, which is about the '49ers heading out to California to find gold.  I am pretty sure that the ADT will not be near the Gold Rush trail, but maybe it should be.  It's already branching off into 2 options between Ohio and Colorado.  May as well make a Gold Rush option.  Hey, if you're gonna get grandiose, why not get a little grandioser?

Back to the lovely evening ride, it was while I was embarked upon it that I encountered three fellow bicyclists while meandering through a residentially zoned sub-urban development.  Since my typical form of communication while bicycling is ringing my bell I rang my bell at the first one that came into sight.  (I decided to stick with the bell-communicating method since I am often quite winded out there spasmodically pedaling hither and yon, and therefore unable to speak intelligibly.  It may be affecting my ability to form coherent sentences while typing, too.)  "Halooo!  Don't cross!"  he responded puckishly to my ring.  Then his buddy said, "I like your bike."  And, this being the first time I had ever heard such a sentiment expressed, instead of chastising him for poor taste in bicycles I simply thanked him.  Ahh, the camaraderie of the two-wheeling movers and shakers!

What else is coming up?  Well, I have heard there is an Ugly Sweater Run scheduled for December 16 at the Century-Linky-poo Centery.  So get your jug of egg nog fermenting now so it'll be ready to partake in the upcoming festivities.

It's getting holidayey out there, isn't it?  I am feeling it.  By Chanukah I will be sporting a mehnorah-like lighting system on the Old Bastard and carrying a hand-held bell and kettle in a fiendishly clever mobile-money-making scheme.  Ho, ho, ha, ha!  Let the fun get down the chimney!

False accusations aerodynamically flying!

November 9, 2012

Hey guess what.  I found that garage door opener I thought was stolen yesterday!  Color me embarrassed!  Luckily I think it's one of my complimentary colors.  I found it in my other pannier.  If anyone needs to use my garage door opener, I keep it in the drive-side pannier, top pocket.  Except for last Wednesday.  I guess the only thief haunting the library environs is The Book Thief, which I hear is about to be turned into a play.  Or maybe a musical.  Luckily this episode has not been a complete waste of time and resources.  While I was resetting my garage door opener on top of my car I made a large indentation on the roof of my car, which I hope will increase the aerodynamicity of the Metro.  Like a golf ball.  I got this idea from Myth Busters.  I love that show!

I wonder if those ridges make him more waterodynamic...

My humble apologies to anyone I may have disturbed with my wild speculation and accusations.  It's kinda my MO, though.  It's kind of like how I blamed this alligator for swallowing my cell phone (a la Cap'n Hook)

when later on I found it at the bottom of my boot and now it looks like this!

I thought it was just a large, flat piece of gravel!  I was really looking forward to skipping it on some water.  

I hope you have a great weekend!  I'm going to do some winterizing.  Maybe lose something.  Yee-HAAWWW!

Hey Loser! You ganked my pannier!

November 7, 2012

As you may (but probably  do not) know, I am a huge fan of the library.  I used to spend a lot of time there as a kid. I even went to a Halloween party there once, and some other kid made fun of my towel that was serving as the cape for my Robin costume.  Although I wasn't happy about that event, I went back and I am pretty sure that the library has given me more than it has taken from me.  It's definitely given me more than my miserly Uncle Ned!  Here that Neddy!  Ya damn penny pinching tightwad!  And I am now once again more than happy to use towels for capes when costuming is necessary.

I went to the library to scan some documents today.  I was pretty happy about the free scanning treatment.
Then I got home and realized that someone had ganked my garage door opener from my pannier!  Obviously I was not so happy about that!

Well, I guess that kinda stuff happens sometimes.  Maybe I'll go the extra dorky mile from now on and carry my panniers in with me whenever I park the Old Bastard.

Why would someone take my garage door opener?  Supposedly to drive around and open my garage door while no one is here and try to take my stuff?  Well there are several problems with this concept, A:  I never leave my house because I have recently been promoted to head distiller of my own moonshine-batching entrepreneurship, B: you probably don't realize that I live at 9583 Parkington Heights View Villa in Whispering Blossoms subdivision, and B12:  it's absurdly easy to reset your garage door opening receiver so that it will not respond to the lost opener, but only to one of the many other garage door openers I have been stockpiling over the years.  So there're 3 booyahs to you thievy boy!   Who's laughing now?  Oh, and you also missed that gallon of moonshine I had in the other pannier!  Because I'm sure that everyone who tries it will love it and that you didn't just try it and put it back!  Right?!  Hahahahaha!

It is starting to get a little cooler these days.  Although it isn't really winter, I am pretty sure that it will get here eventually.  Why, there is even a winter bicycle commuting challenge here in the homey metropolitan area of Homaha.  There is also an upcoming winter bicycling workshop this upcoming Sunday from either 5-6:30 or 6-8 p.m, depending on which source you believe.  Pretty neat-o, eh double wheelers?

This cooler weather has not deterred many cyclists from being out and about, however.  Yes, it seems that bicycling is becoming slightly more popular here in the Whispering Blossoms area and I, for one, am quite pleased with this development.  Soon we will be building bike-oriented coffee houses and bars and amiably mocking one another's blogs in a kind of competitive camaraderie, much like these happy-go-lucky, free-wheeling political types who have been showboating around the country on their custom-built bicycles to help stimulate the economy.

Mitt Romney before aging drastically during his bid for some office or other.  His sidekick Paul Ryan seems as unaffected as he was unhelpful.  From Alaska Velo.

Thanks for participating.  Hey, if you lost your run for office, it might be time to get a bicycle!  'Cause even losers can ride bikes!  Hey, wait!  As my dear old Da would say, "I resemble that comment!"

B&B for you and me!

November 4, 2012

The Beer and Bagel Run was here for a few hours, and is now over until next year.  This year was the 20th B&B Run.  It's an extremely enjoyable event, and a lot less stressful than the big family get-togethers that are beginning to loom on the temporal horizon these days.  This year's event reportedly featured around 2,700 runners.  Three stream-crossings.

A few costumes.

And some serious fun.

I think there were more participants this year than last year.

I launched myself at the course like a lazy water buffalo.  I noticed that the landscape had taken on a somewhat somber, getyerassreadyforwinter-esque, late autumnal appearance.

There was a gradual incline towards the end of the course

 that was somewhat discouraging.  Most of us pulled through, though.  Somewhat painfully, or vomitfully in some cases, but through nonetheless.  I was pleased to finish only slightly behind the man with the fried cheese(?) costume shown previously.  Then it was time for some eating, drinking, socializing and the like.

Mr. Kirby

sarcastically referred to my half-stagger/half-run as "gazelle-like."  He also advised me on child-rearing strategies and fashion.  Always good to have a friend/mentor in matters such as these.

I drank a few beers from Nebraska Brewing Company, which generously provided beverages.  Hy-Vee provided several large boxes of bagels, of which I partook freely.

I met a guy who won a pint glass at a Schell beer-sponsored run up in Minnesota.  It sounded like a good time.  Mr. Mike Ewoldt suggested I wear a cow bell with my kilt next year.  Hmm.  I will take that into consideration, but it sounds dangerous. Maybe a tassle instead?

The run was well-organized as usual.  As usual I have a gripe, however.  This speaker was blaring 311 at me as I was nearing the end of the run.

As an aging grouch, I was not amused by the loud sounds of a band that I believe to be much more popular with a younger demographic and that I don't really like much.  Ever hear of a band called the Doobie Brothers?  Howzabout Abba?  Maybe some Roger Miller?  Now there are some sounds that we can all agree upon!  Right, you young whippersnappers!?

It was not easy to leave this haven of beer and camaraderie.  Until everyone I knew left.  Then it was pretty easy to leave.

As you are sure not to recall, I had grandiose plans of renting an alligator and perhaps donning a Swamp Thing costume for this event.  Non gratis.  Unfortunately I have been training for the B&B by glutting myself on Halloween candy, much of which was consumed by my rental alligator.  I was too busy eating to prepare a rabbit-skin coat for the gator or to get a Swamp Thing costume together.  Lazy sigh....

Oh sweet B&B.  I have once again enjoyed our time together.  I'm sorry it's over, but I hope to see you again sometime.  Maybe next year?

Swamping Good Fun!

October 28, 2012

Happy Halloweeny time to all you 'weeners out there!  It is a spooky, yet festive time of year and I hope that you are enjoying it.

I have temporarily relocated myself down to the southeast where I may or may not be engaged in an unassigned mission to survey the swamplands in order to incorporate some swampy elements into this year's exciting Beer and Bagel Run.  The t-shirt design 

https://www.facebook.com/RUN2PEAK

kind of reminded me of the Miami Dolphins, so I immediately became obsessed with adding a Miami-related element to the already element-heavy B&B.  As you may know, the good ol' B&B Run is scheduled to take place one week from today!  Yes, it is coming right up.  I saw this critter while I was engaged in some stair-running to prepare for the B&B hills.

This sighting gave me an idea.  So I jumped on my Swamp Rover

advrider.com

and drove down to the lovely Caw Caw County Park, just outside of Charleston, South Carolina.

As a possible addition to the stream crossings that have become an essential part of many organized trail runs, I found some wildlife that I am considering renting and including in the B&B.

Granted, I am somewhat certain that gators do not like the fall climate in Nebraska.  However, I've been working on a rabbit skin gator coat that I think will not only be quite fetching, but will keep our visitor happy and active.

Maybe a few minor modifications to one of these?  Here's where you can get one!

Here are some of the gator rental options I've been looking into.
http://rhondasreptiles.com/
http://pinellasbeaches.patch.com/listings/alligator-attraction

I've also enjoyed the Halloweeny scene in downtown Charleston.  Many costumed, yet genteel, "revelers" were out and about.  A few shared a shot ski of Grand Marnier with me.  Quite invigorating.  I also ate some blue crab, which was very good.  It was kinda hard to get to the meat, especially to this midwestern corn-eater.  Hmmm.  Maybe a giant blue crab (possibly robotic) might be a good B&B element, too!  And of course The Swamp Thing!  Pretty scary, eh kids!

Hawkish on running!

October 20, 2012

It was a crisp, clear morning.  Low-lying fog added a pleasant sense of hidden possibilities.

At the Hitchcock Nature Center, participants were readying themselves for the 8th Annual Hawk Watch 5K run/walk.  I would estimate 60 intrepid individuals were encased in various numbers of layers of clothing.

Luckily I had been training two days before, (and I had run this very route a little over a year ago) so I more or less rocked the run!  (Note:  No, that is not a deliberate mis-typing of the word "walked."  I actually felt pretty good out there!?)  I'm probably going to get a cool personalized license plate to brag about how I'm pretty good at occasional trail-running.  I'm thinking OC TRLRN.  Is that too many letters?  Might have to remove that space.  Maybe PGATR for pretty good at trail-running?

The t-shirt is long-sleeved, which is nice.

Also the sparsely attended event offered plenty of space for running at your own damned pace.  I only had one near collision, and I blame her for wearing those headphones, dammit!  Although I am feeling pretty keen on myself for completing the run successfully, I am also feeling slightly achy and perhaps more cantankerous than usual.

After the event I climbed the tower

where I encountered a raptor counter.  I did not ask him his name, as we were busily engaged in raptor-related rhapsodizing.  I will call him Hawk.  He was a pleasant conversationalist.  He informed me that 18 species of raptors pass through the area.  Kestrel populations may be declining.  There are something like 120 raptor counting stations from Texas to Saskatchewan.  Just in case you've followed the lead of another bird and had your head in the sand for the past 12 years, Hitchcock was also the first officially designated IBA (Important Bird Area) in IA.  The Swainson's Hawk and the broadwinged hawk also have impressively long migration patterns.  Down to Argentina for Swainson's and about the same for the broadwing.  Swinson's generally range west of Hitchcock NC, whereas the broadwings prefer the area east of it.  Billy made an interesting statement:  "All raptors are diurnal."  Wha?  Do you mean owls are not raptors?  I took an ornithology class back in the '90s, and I pretty much thought owls were considered raptors too.  Let me look into that.  Yes.  I have confirmed that owls are considered raptors by most birders.  Maybe Hawk is just a little biased since he can't see the night raptors, let alone count them!

 After my talk with Hawk, I began to amble back over towards the finish area to see if they were handing out prizes.  Although most of the medals I have received in my moderately active sporting endeavors have been for participating, I have won a few medals for actual speed.  Most recently, in 2009 I received an age group award for the 5K Cinco de Mayo Run.

I think I was 3rd, and there weren't more than 6 or so of us in the age group, but it is still a win in my books!  There weren't many participants at this event, either, so I figured my chances were fair to middlin'.  When I got there, however, the award bags had been handed out to the first place finisher in each age group along with some overall awards.  Ouch.  As you may have noticed, I am fiercely competitive if I win something, but if I don't then I'm not.  Well, it was a beautiful day to be out in a beautiful place and I had a hoot!  Thanks Hawk and Ranger Billy and all those involved in putting this event together!  Let's give a hoot!

So what are you up to this weekend?  I noticed Omaha Bikes' calendar shows a tweed ride scheduled tomorrow from 2-4 starting at Jones Brothers cupcakes out in Aksarben Village.  If I had tweed and an old timey bicycle I would consider attending.  As it is I've got a nice corduroy jacket and an Old Bastard of a bicycle and I like it, dammit!  Get rollin' you young whippersnappers!  You old grumps too, dammit!

Ready for Hawk Watching?

October 19, 2012

Diligent training.  It is something people talk about a lot this time of year.  Can you eat all of that pumpkin pie?  Well, what has your training consisted of?  Are you ready for that scenic bobsledding trip down Manaslu?  I don't know.  Have you been training?  Why does your favorite team suck?  That's right, they suck!  Well, it may have to do with their training.

These were the thoughts going through my mind as I set out on a moderately windy evening to prepare for tomorrow's Hawk Watch Run at Hitchcock Nature Center.  I was training.  Here's a video clip with inspirational music provided by Electric Needle Room.  Spoiler alert, the video and/or soundtrack will probably skip around, much like my prancing feet out on this focused training run!

Another aspect of the fierce beauty of moderate competition is the art of preparation.  H, anyone can get out there and wing it like Earnest Borgnine doing stand-up.  It takes preparation to be prepared!  Armed with this thought I went out to inspect an area that was similar to the actual race course in that they are both outdoors and geographically similar. I found.that there were many small to large tree (and zombie) limbs lying around.

Yep.  Good thing I was practicing my pull-ups.  That will probably help me pull myself over some fallen limbs, and/or pull myself up off my ass after I slip in the leafy mud.

Here is another edge that I have over other competitors in this event.

Hedge apples from Osage Orange tree!  Suck on that, suckers!

That's right.  Awareness of potential natural missiles is the third corner of the triangle of competitive advantages that I am about to smack people upsides da head wid!  Booyah!

Although my preparations... H, they might smack of moderate activity to some, are not easy, they are way easier than preparing for any of the distances that were available for the currently sold out 1st annual G.O.A.T.z Trail Run.  The website offers 5, 10.5, 21 mile, and 50 kilometre (approximately 30 miles!) distances for those that are either in great shape or trying to atone for a lifetime of sloth, lechery, or some other sin, real or imagined.

It's the weekend and I am getting pretty psyched about it.  It was a hard week at the soft, noise-dampening tapestry installation firm I am currently interning with.  Time to get out and feel the eyes of the hawks!  Now it's you that're being watched, hawks!  How does that feel, eh?  My fine feathered friends!  Heh heh heh....  Haawww!  Aaahhh!

Speaking of hawks.  Let's get together and watch my favorite movies of all times, Hawk the Slayer, on Saturday afternoon.  You bring the movie and drinks and I'll provide the tv and couch.  I am getting prepared for some serious recovery/laziness following this foray into the savage world of the raptor!

Do you dare to join me?!  Caaawwww!  Kaaaaaaawww!

Thundering Pub Crawl

October 14, 2012

I had a late night out participating in some bicycle-related hi-jinks last night.  I was made aware of an enjoyable event called the Pub Crawl that included costumes, bicycles, bars and fund-raising for T.H.O.R.  On the way there, my friend Rich and I noticed a crowd of lively looking creatures moving about in somber throngs.

We arrived at the Crescent Moon and had some tasty bar food.  There I ate a tasty meal, had a beer and met up with a buddy of mine who informed me that former Circle Jerk Keith Morris will be performing in his band OFF! at the Waiting Room on October 30.  Then we tried to catch up with some costumed bicyclists at Sullivan's, but they had already moved out by the time we finished locking up our non-valuable, classic bicycles.  We inadvertently skipped the Old Dundee Bar and Grill stop and pedaled on over to the Homy Inn.  On the way to the Homy, we enjoyed a low-traffic cycling experience along 40th Street, north to Hamilton and across Saddle Creek to our destination.  It seemed like the entire route consisted of bicycle lanes, sharrows and a few signs that stated "bicyclists may use entire lane."  Pretty cool!  Although we never really used the entire lane it was nice to know that we had the option.  We enjoyed a couple drinks at the Homy and eventually were joined by a good-sized group of mostly costumed bicyclers.  Eventually an assertive man began corralling us towards the door, bellowing things like "Move out!" and "Let's go!"  There was a moderately heavy rainfall taking place.  Some irresistibly barricaded, former roads (now sloppy mud) to ride through.  Our final destination was Benson’s The Sydney.  A $5 cover for the Filter Kings preceded the giving away of many prizes, including a New Belgium bicycle and various bicycley items.  Prizes for costumes were awarded.  A couple dressed up as Lance Armstrong with a blood transfusing bag hanging from a hook attached to a shoulder strap and his syringe and blood-toting nurse won the couples prize.  A guy dressed as Fred from “30 Rock” won the best men’s costume award.  I didn’t realize he was in a costume.  I thought he just kinda looked like that guy from “30 Rock.”  As usual your subtlety and nuances are lost on me, people!  That zombie had a golf ball stuck in his forehead!  Hahahahaahahahahaha!  Now that’s in-your-face fun!  (In more ways than one!  Get it!  Hahahahahahaha!).  Now that’s a hole-in-one for humour folks!  Oh.  I am lucky to be so easily amused.  Filter Kings sounded great.  It had been a while since I’ve enjoyed their steadily chugging power rockabilly.  I think that some guy that looks kinda like Josh Dunwoody (former Filter Kings guitarist and singer) is now in the band!  Good show old chaps!  Good show!

Many bicyclers danced and carried on for quite some time in a manner that was quite festive.

The rain had stopped and we had a refreshing ride back to the Crescent Moon.  Thanks to T.H.O.R. and Kent McNeil for getting this fun event together!  Ken said the event has been occurring for 15 years, although this is the first time they’ve used it as a fund-raising opportunity.  I’m pretty sure everyone had a blast.  Let's do it again sometime, by Odin's beard!

Amalgamation of fall funraisin'!

October 8, 2012

Ahoy thar midshipman!  Grab yerself a landlubber and wet yer whistle at a funraisin' event!  Er ya might live to regret it!  That's the pitch from the vessel o' fun that's a sailin' hereabouts from time ta time.

1. Taco Ride Thursday - it's a lovely time of year for a spin on the beatific Wabash Trace Nature Trail!  How's Thursday night for you?
2. Phantom of the Opera film with musical accompaniment at Film Streams on Friday, October 12.  7:00 p.m.  See you there!  I'll be watching..... from the wings!   Mwaa-ha-ha-ha!
3. Costumed Pub Crawl/Cruise starts at Crescent Moon, ends(?) in the Benson Area on October 13, 5 p.m. to 2 a.m.  Come and out and see how many capes get caught in spokes!  Music too!  Proceeds to benefit T.H.O.R.
4. Hawk Watch Run on 9:00 a.m.October 20.  This area is bound to be extra exciting with plenty of leaves to crunch and slide around on while navigating some regionally steep terrain.  Tally ho!  And 'ware the raptors!  Yaaragh!
5. Something else.

Yes, regardless of your predilection, there is doubtlessly an excuse to get out and enjoy the generally enjoyable fall ambiance to the fullest extents of the law or other philosophical and/or physical limts one might encounter upon this corporeal plane of existence.

As the keenly observant amongst us may have ascertained, the National Footballers League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, et al., (NFLXGel) has undertaken some popular sporting events as of late.  Honor is the only currency at stake as these fighting monks eschew the frufru trappings of civilization the rest of us find so addictively comforting.  In their quest for upliftment, these role models wear protective gear and have agreed to provide some gear for your children at a nominal cost.  Here are some bicycle helmets.   Yes, they look cheap.  But the NFLXGel is a not-for-profit organization, and you might view this special offer as a kind of gateway helmet into the dorktastically safe er, world of protective gear of whichever variety you care to consider.  

Please disregard my unusual brevity as it is assuredly not bound to last.

Yours truly,
BS

Fallin' for the season

October 3, 2012

It seems that fall has fallen yet again.

The cucumbers have been harvested, along with the apples,

which may have been turned into apple fritters

or candy apples.  Autumnal seasonal beers abound.

American footballing is in full swing.

Yes, it is a heady time of year indeed!  So heady that I am going to have to retire for the nonce.  Enjoy!

October 5, 2012

A few days have passed since the apple fritters were fresh.  Now there is only one remaining.  Much like the leaves on my fickle, sickly Fireside Apple Tree.  What have you been up to?  Cider brewing, eh?  Sounds good.  I'll be over at 9 to sample it and fall into your garden like a graceless, previously inebriated leaf.

My regular bicycle commuting activities have seemed rather bland lately.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Pretty bland.  Good.  Not particularly interesting, but good.  That all changed this a.m. as I was on my way to my usual gig at the denture refurbishing clinic.  I came to an intersection

Well-lit version.

while enjoying the smooth sailing afforded me by our fairy city's fair multi-use paths.  Lo and behold, a car pulled up upon the street and blocked my path!?  Egads!  What to do?!  A fairly common conundrum to us bicyclists who choose to peruse the multiple possibilities of the multi-use path.  I went with my usual option - slowing down and altering my route to the rear of the vehicle under the assumption that the motorist's eyes were not focused on me.  After returning to the relative safety of my beloved multi-use path the motorist began honking repeatedly.  I rang my bell cheerfully in reply.  Then I heard her yell, "Hey bro!  Watch out!  I almost hit you!  Fuck!"

Hmmm.  That was one of the nicest, almost confrontational encounters I've ever had with a motorist!   It also left me with several things to ponder.  She almost hit me?  How?  Was she backing up as I was traversing on the backside of her vehicle's ample backside?   I have nervously witnessed vehicles backing up after tardily discovering they were blocking my brightly,

Arrows pointing to lights/lightbeam.  Tail and horns added at the psychically received request of my motoring correspondent from the a.m.

and blinkily, lit way.  It is nice, but probably more dangerous than just staying put. I don't mind waiting or swerving a tad.

If nothing else, it was a good reminder that the road is a dangerous place for critters smaller than the rightful, 4-wheeled travelers of the suburban arterials, as is evinced by this fresh, critterly corpse I beheld shortly after receiving my moderately enthusiastic morning honking.

I also believe that motorists are not generally as likely to see us bicyclers (or pedestrians of the bi- to quad-pedal varieties) in the cooler months.  What with more darkness and fewer bicyclists, the odds are not in our flavour.  You know what is in my flavour?  Free booze!  Yes, I made it to my local grocer's liquor department where I received a free shot of Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey.  Mmmm.  Not bad.  What's that other sample option?

Next thing I knew, I was back home and I noticed that the Old Bastard had an ass pocket that was full, not only of whisky

 (or a girly variant therof), but a baby football and a couple o' CDs.

Imma call that a win, buoys and grills.  Cheers!

Happy weekend, shmoozers!