Sexy Bike

February 15, 2012

As is evidenced by this man,

bicycling can be a powerfully sexual activity. For good or for ill. You decide.

You may have read here or here about the potential harm a man may inflict upon his trouser tribbles and associated captain's log by bicycling. Luckily these potential effects can be counteracted by making oyster, ginger, tomato and walnut smoothies (add a Cialis for a lemony zing) and slopping them into your water bottle. The only downside is that you may have to remove the cap to get at any of this virility sludge. In my mind the real question is not, "Is bicycling hard on your trouser tribbles?" but, "Is bicycling hard on Uranus?"

Bike Naked

As many of you bicyclists out there who are aspiring members of the Tokyo Cycling Club or perhaps another Japanese-based bicycling club such as their arch-rivals the Semas Racing Club, but dwell in a non-Japanese country and have read Memoirs of a Geisha, I had the following thought while plowing through some nearly virgin snow on the old multi-use path:

Is this what buying a mizuage is like?

Unfortunately it wasn't a clean finish, as I had to put my foot down once I reached the ridge of snow the plow had left in its wake. Such is often the nature of a mizuage, I understand. I had a good feeling and a nice, slippery and adorned set of trouser tribbles wheels.

The only downside was that I experienced a decrease in braking power (and my Bicycle Tire Sparx seemed to experience a temporary lack of Sparxiness) after burying my captain's log front wheel in the large, fluffy white pile of softness. Oh, yeeaahh.

In other racy news, I hear that large quantities of people want to be involved in a race of some sort these days. Apparently a Warrior Dash is slated to occur in the general vicinity of our fair town. This is apparently an obstacle course with costumes, moats filled with angry gar, dripping oil from towers, and flaming arrows.  Hopefully the winner will be able to dash quicklt enough to climb a tower and rescue a geisha from Professor Mizuage.  If you've got the tribbles, we've got the dash.  I am told that (dash it all) space in the dash is filling up quickly, so be sure to sign up dashingly.  Warriors charge!

So get your sexy on and get out there for a spin, you sexy beast! Oh behave, be-waaaa!