Seriously crushing on ice! (water, not carbon-based mineral)

February 29, 2012

How was your Leap Day? Very nice, I hop. Mine was god. I was especially fondle of the bicycling conditions I encountered after I noticed the wind was going to be at my tail for the commute to the commode constructing company. Yes it was windy. I could hear it before I got out of bed. I brieflessly considered staying in bed, but I was slightly afeared that I might get stuck in some kind of whimsically sadistic Leap Day feedback loop similar to the horror film known as Groundhog Day. So I got out onto the pavement and was mostly helped along on my way to the daily grind.

There are many noises that are bicycle-specific. Some are happier sounds than others. Here are some of the ones that I enjoy, with some aggravating ones thrown in for balance: 1) knobby tires on pavement (vaguely jet engine-like), 2) puddle water deflected harmlessly away by a fender (Ha!), 3) the grinding of ineffectual gear-shifting, 4) ON YOUR LEFT!! Today I was treated to an aural delicacy as I encountered several puddles with veneers of ice on top. They made satisfying crunching, simultaneously splishy sounds as I rolled onwards towards my destiny (tea and a slightly cramped workspace). I glided powerfully along, propelled by a tailwind and a hunger for ice-crushing. I imagined the Old Bastard as an ice-crushing whaling vessel in the Antarctic Ocean. My whales are photographs. I didn't actually harpoon any whales on this venture. I was too busy crushing ice.

Hey guess what's coming up? That's not bad for a first guess, but no, I was actually referring to the annual Blarney Stone Run which, as I understand it, has been moved to the downtown area recently (within the last five years or so). As the perceptive among us might have noted, the abundance of commas in the previous sentence (along with the liberal use of parentheses) could be considered, by some, almost...Captain Kirk-like. Kirk-like, you say!? Well, it is interesting that you mention that, because Kirk, as many of you Trekkers know, was fond of riding (among other things) his bicycle through crunchy puddles of ice-frosted water during his spare time on the holo-deck.

Alright, so maybe he's not much of a bicyclist, but those pants look like they could be a gateway item into the world of bicycling.  So climb aboard Captain!  There's plenty of ice out there for both of us to crush!