Bicycles in the Media

August 30, 2011

The bicycle is the upiquitous darling of the media these days, surplanting the super-couple of Bradgelina as the most intriguing entity of the tabloids a mere six weeks ago.  With all of the hype it is hard to know what to believe and what to scorn.  For example, riddle me this, "Are recumbent tricyclists more likely to be hit by motorists than penny-farthingists?"

Sorry for the photo, I just had my cell phone camera.

This morning the rain and lightning were blatantly exhibiting themselves outside my humble abode. I didn't ride my bicycle because I consider lightning a hazard. "How hazardous is it, maybe you are just a large, hairy, oafish wuss?" you may be thinking. Well let's see what sources such as the following have to say about it.

This engaging touring cyclist shares my fear of lightning, and offers some tips in case you become the target of lightning's unwelcome advances.

NOAA's got some interesting advice (quoted below)-

Protect yourself when on a bicycle, motorcycle or dirt bike. Carry a portable NOAA Weather Radio or listen to commercial radio. If you see threatening skies in the distance and you are near a safe building, pull over and wait 30 minutes after the last rumble of thunder before resuming your ride.

Does any of this advice seem a bit dubious to you?  Personally, I am not sure about the part about listening to commercial radio.  For one thing, there are too many commercials.  For another, how can you hear the lightning in order to count the seconds between the lightning and the thunder in order to gauge its distance from your vulnerable ass?!  (I think every 5 seconds is about 1 mile).  I usually wait 'til the wrath of heaven is about a half mile away before cowering in abject fear in a ditch, or ducking into the nearest grocery store.   

Here is an article about an irrepressible bicyclist who was struck by lightning while training for a triathlon near Boulder. 

I decided to sit in my garage with the door open to watch the morning deluge.  While craftily creating a large latch-hook, Labor Day-oriented mural to hang from the top of the garage door, I was reminded of an uninspiring "quiz" that had been forwarded to me by a friend of mine. This self-righteous piece of propaganda featured many patronizing questions such as the following:

1. My boss is in before I get there and is still in the office after I leave. Is this OK?
a. Sure, she is working on bringing in new work to keep us busy and put food on my plate
b. Absolutely, she gets paid more and has an office instead of a cube, so she should work more
c. I should evaluate this more
d. It is her fault, she is a micro-manager and never instructs me otherwise
e. Both c. and d. 2. Riding a bicycle to work and reducing my carbon footprint is more important than getting to work on time.
a. True

b. False

Although I suppose a worker should be on time (this being the fluttering bat caught in the hair of Spain's [the land of the coveted siesta] illegitimate North American niece, Mexico [i.e., USA, USA, USA!]), I feel a more pertinent question might be worded in a thusly manner:

 

3. Sitting in a car staring out my windshield and then sitting at a cube staring at a computer and then staring out the windshield of my car again is good for my mental and physical well-being.

a. True

b. False

In other bicycle related media, I have learned that the campus police at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln are cracking down on bike thieves by planting stealable bicycles with GPS tracking devices inside them. While I support the non-theft of bicycles, I am pretty sure that this action may create a new breed of contract workers known as Repossession Agents (RepAges for short). These daring RAs will not only have to return the "hot" bicycles, but try to sort through the hazy fog of half-truths, black-outs, bong-hits and flat out lies related to how the bicycle ended up where it ended up. I can picture these daring operatives, making their way, the only way they know how, they are the law, so please take a bow. In a world where the rules of morality are as ill-defined and shadowy as the outline of a swerving college bicyclist to his intoxicated frat brother motorist, RepAges must try to impose order, even if that order is simply, "Step away from the bicycle or I will taze you!" I can't wait to come up with a screenplay!

So lock up that bicycle, hold onto your trouser tribbles and ride between the lightning you yippity yacks!