Laser Eyes! Streetchh! Okay, activate!

January 28, 2011

I am happy to report that the approximate time necessary to safely return to bicycling after Lasik surgery is only one week. So I was back on my bicycle and I think that the public is safer for it. When I was questioned about my night vision I said that it is much better than it was when I was wearing my scratched up spectacles. The only dangerous part about my night vision is that things appear so vivid that I am distracted by them while pedaling happily around and about.

I am, so far, satisfied with my laser-eye surgery. I would like to offer a possibly premature, but still unreserved, recommendation for the Omaha Eye and Laser Institute, where I got my laser vision.

A scuba-diving buddy of mine implied that Lasik was for chumps and that photorefractive keratectomy (PRK) was the more manly, more painful operation for improving vision. That may possibly be true for scuba-divers, but I am happy snorkeling from time to time. What I probably don't need are more equipment-oriented recreational outdoor activities. Descriptions of PRK seem to vary, but may it may involve peeling the clear epithelium off of your cornea like scraping off a wet wipe plastered on a soccer ball (or like peeling a grape).  The epithelium apparently regrows on top of your cornea.

I have recently noticed many runners and walkers on the streets, sidewalks, and multi-use paths of town.  They may have always been there, but I just didn't notice them before I gained my ultra-powerful laser perception.  This past Friday I noticed a runner doing some Olympic-sprinter-like stretches on the sidewalk. Another guy was leaning on a pole, and was either stretching or else tired - like George Thoroughgood when he was out looking for a job in that song One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer.

Stretching is indeed big business these days. My cousin recommended a book called Stretching that has stretches for nearly every occasion. There's a section for mountain biking, one for office work, and one for watching TV. Stretches for after sitting and before and after gardening. Table tennis and trekking poles.

Although I am a staunch closet stretcher, I prefer not to stretch much in public. What happened to the days when women did yoga in the privacy of their living rooms with a televised yogi instructor? Nowadays kids are probably learning yoga in school and developing interest in Hindu deities due to these ancient forms of exercise/worship.

Maybe that's not all bad. Stretching the brain a bit.

Today I made it down to a local bike shop called Re-Cycle that carries some used bicycles.  The staff seemed very upbeat and helpful.  I saw a couple of cool classic looking cycles with chipped paint and lots of character.  One had an internal gear rear hub.  Prices (and quality) a little more than your local pawn shop, but perhaps less likely to be stolen.  Choose wisely.  Your stretching style and karma may be at steak stake!  Whaaattt!?  Somebody dork slap my karma!